Spouse Wants to Send DD to a Camp that Costs an Entire Month's Take Home Pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids to camp in Oregon. It wasn't special needs, but it was a specialty camp. Two weeks at camp for two kids, plus flights cost a month's take home. It was worth it. Specialty camp was the only way I was going to get the oldest out of the house, and he desperately needed the socialization.

What camp? My kid needs to socialize more after becoming a Covid hermit.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter’s years at her Vermont summer camp were transformative, but it completely depends on what you can afford. We could easily afford it so it was a no-brainer. But if we couldn’t have we would have made other sacrifices in retrospect given how amazing it was. Especially important for girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s years at her Vermont summer camp were transformative, but it completely depends on what you can afford. We could easily afford it so it was a no-brainer. But if we couldn’t have we would have made other sacrifices in retrospect given how amazing it was. Especially important for girls

Which camp? Sounds wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I never had kids and I had no idea this was even a thing. I remember going to Ranger Rick camp for like a week when I was a kid but it was pretty low-key and had to have been inexpensive.

People spend a month’s pay on camp? Wow. Well, it must be an amazing experience for the kids. I’m not knocking it at all, just surprised this is a thing.

Sleep away camp is a big thing in New England. My kids started doing 4 weeks at 8. It is their favorite place on earth, they stayed on as counselors into college, and I think there is a decent shot that at least one of them gets married at the camp in a few years. (They so lovely weddings in the Fall.)

Links please. I want to see what my kids are missing.

There are tons of them. Just google. Jewish camps are very popular. So are New England ones. It's popular to be outside in New England because it's cold the rest of the year and because of the cold people have to learn to deal with the outdoors. There are also a lot of cities so it's a different experience for many.

Ok my kids are seriously missing out! These camps look amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KFSc1ZgPLBw

This does look fun! Love the lake and horses.

PP, I don’t think your kids are missing out though just because they can’t do glass blowing and lead llamas around. While that is super fun, I am not sure if having a super fun amazing world around you with people tending to your needs — all bankrolled by daddy — is what life is about. A kid could learn a lot of life skills having to work, having to solve challenging problems, having to deal with mundane boredom and everyday hardships. Those things keep your feet on the ground and give you the character to cope with life’s ups and downs. Otherwise you can sometimes succumb to the fantasy that life “should” be “better” than it is. That’s what gives a lot of these sheltered kids anxiety and depression later on.

I say all that as someone whose kid has a bit of a llama and glassblowing type childhood, but who had the opposite in many ways. I see the value in making your kid get a job and save towards something they want in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Really would love specific camp ideas for boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I never had kids and I had no idea this was even a thing. I remember going to Ranger Rick camp for like a week when I was a kid but it was pretty low-key and had to have been inexpensive.

People spend a month’s pay on camp? Wow. Well, it must be an amazing experience for the kids. I’m not knocking it at all, just surprised this is a thing.

Sleep away camp is a big thing in New England. My kids started doing 4 weeks at 8. It is their favorite place on earth, they stayed on as counselors into college, and I think there is a decent shot that at least one of them gets married at the camp in a few years. (They so lovely weddings in the Fall.)

What camp? My 7 yo is already talking about wanting to do camp next summer. I’m thinking a 2 week trial to make sure she likes it before going for the full summer. I am willing to spend because I also went to sleep away and it was the best time of my life and now more than ever I think it’s important to get a break from technology/social media and learn to meet new friends that you don’t interact with online. The camp I went to in Maine is too far. Looking for something under a 6 hr drive from DMV.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you think your kid is your wife's problem to deal with. You probably should not have had a kid. Hopefully, you have just one because you sound dismissive + cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I never had kids and I had no idea this was even a thing. I remember going to Ranger Rick camp for like a week when I was a kid but it was pretty low-key and had to have been inexpensive.

People spend a month’s pay on camp? Wow. Well, it must be an amazing experience for the kids. I’m not knocking it at all, just surprised this is a thing.

Sleep away camp is a big thing in New England. My kids started doing 4 weeks at 8. It is their favorite place on earth, they stayed on as counselors into college, and I think there is a decent shot that at least one of them gets married at the camp in a few years. (They so lovely weddings in the Fall.)

What camp? My 7 yo is already talking about wanting to do camp next summer. I’m thinking a 2 week trial to make sure she likes it before going for the full summer. I am willing to spend because I also went to sleep away and it was the best time of my life and now more than ever I think it’s important to get a break from technology/social media and learn to meet new friends that you don’t interact with online. The camp I went to in Maine is too far. Looking for something under a 6 hr drive from DMV.

You need to send your 7 year old to an expensive camp to get away from devices and learn to make friends? Um… no. Just don’t give them screen time at home and send them to a regular day camp. I’m sure there are tons around where you live that would be a blast for your child. Take them to the pool, let them see you relaxing with friends. Have people forgotten how to live to the point that we need to spend a lot of money on a special place to go where kids can have a regular childhood?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine did this - sent her kids to an extremely expensive summer camp in Maine even though one kid really didn’t want to go, and my friend (the mom) didn’t want them away most of the summer. Dad insisted because the people in the social class he wanted to be in did it. One kid liked it, one was miserable. They did it for years because it was the thing to do. For some people it’s all about status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I never had kids and I had no idea this was even a thing. I remember going to Ranger Rick camp for like a week when I was a kid but it was pretty low-key and had to have been inexpensive.

People spend a month’s pay on camp? Wow. Well, it must be an amazing experience for the kids. I’m not knocking it at all, just surprised this is a thing.

Sleep away camp is a big thing in New England. My kids started doing 4 weeks at 8. It is their favorite place on earth, they stayed on as counselors into college, and I think there is a decent shot that at least one of them gets married at the camp in a few years. (They so lovely weddings in the Fall.)

Sleep away camp is a big thing among a certain class of people in New England. I grew up in Massachusetts and I can assure you very few kids in my blue collar town went to sleep away camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger problem is that your child may very well want to return to the camp every year and it's going to get harder to say no next time.

+1. The lack of communication around the camp prior to enrolling and the expectation of returning next year are the two biggest issues.

We did send our kids to an expensive summer program, not even sleep away, for 3 weeks, and it was a huge deal. My reasoning was that that they were aging out of needing childcare and it was before they would be old enough for a job. I wanted them to have at least one summer of a maturing summer camp experiences - in this case they were in an environment with kids from a lot of different countries and from all over the US. They really enjoyed it.

[Anonymous]

OP didn’t provide details. Is the monthly take-home 20k or 2k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it a little late in the game to be deciding this? It’s end of May

They placed a deposit. I learned about this because yesterday was the deadline to make full payment

That’s the part that is not okay. You and wife should have discussed this before it was given as an option to your child. Both of my kids attend sleepaway camp for the summer. One attends a SN camp. We are fortunate that we can afford this. However, every year before I register the kids, I discuss it with DH. Spending that type of money without consulting your spouse is not okay.

I agree. It's the part where your spouse didn't bother to mention it until the final payment was due. That's not OK. These decisions should be made jointly.

I'm wondering why this particular camp was chosen. Is a friend of your DD's going too? Did your spouse attend it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it a little late in the game to be deciding this? It’s end of May

They placed a deposit. I learned about this because yesterday was the deadline to make full payment

Did you not know about the camp or not fully understand the price tag until now? One is terrible one is an honest miscommunication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it a little late in the game to be deciding this? It’s end of May

They placed a deposit. I learned about this because yesterday was the deadline to make full payment

So your spouse is attempting to railroad you into paying. If they couldn’t find the time and space to discuss this significant financial decision, then it’s clearly not worth the expense. Hopefully your spouse will plan better next time. They can explain to your kid why this camp isn’t happening this summer. She’ll be fine. Your marriage…? That needs some work in the communication department.

Agree. Not sure what your next step is OP, but this should have been a mutual decision before the deposit was placed and what your spouse did isn’t ok.