I hate Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

If the older moms are dominating the day, take all of Saturday to do what YOU WANT next year.

My DH will 100% take 7 hours to go golf for Father's day, so I feel absolutely NO guilt taking a day for myself. Or sending him OUT with the kids. Whatever I need.

[Anonymous]

What if you make the Saturday before Mother's day YOUR mother's day and do all the things you want and then you can celebrate your mom/MIL on the actual day? For me, it doesnt HAVE to be on sunday, I just want a day where I get to do all the things I want.

[Anonymous]

me too. I get anxious every year, and I HATE all the well wishes and BS fake glorification/appreciation of motherhood.

I just found this article which sums it up nicely:
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/parenting/mother-s-day-is-gaslighting/ar-AAX2IwU?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=a40fb9dbe516464f98c280ac4de3d708

"I still hate Mother's Day. And many other mothers I know do too, in large part because it feels like slapping a smiley sticker on a gaping wound. There is simply a disconnect between the way we talk about mothers in this country and the way we treat them, a gulf too wide to be remedied by a day. "
"My country loves mothers, but only as an idea. The concept of motherhood as selfless, all-consuming and noble is outdated, and the notion that we celebrate mothers for one day out of the year while doing everything in our power to keep them down all other days is pathological. Tell me again why a greeting card is enough?

A day can't fix the way America treats mothers. Keep your day, your carnations and your breakfast in bed. What I want is change."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to hate Mother’s Day and would feel anxious for a month leading up to it. I don’t have a great relationship with my mother or my MIL and I felt inadequate as a mother myself. All the blanket sappy statements of “you’re my hero, such a good mother, ….” triggered me. My DH was on edge and my kids were on edge and I know I caused it. It was a day to grit our teeth and wait for the day to be over while fake smiling over stupid gifts or meals at a restaurant I did not choose. Finally, a couple years ago, I felt bad for them and voiced my opinions and shed the martyr complex. This year, I asked my young adult kids to come out to a restaurant I booked, was pleasantly surprised by a gift one kid gave me, and was pleased that I did not have to share the day with my MIL or SILs. I still don’t like the holiday, but at least I no longer hate it. I felt it important not to damage the holiday for my own children when they grow up.

Oh good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its so freeing to get old (42), have older kids (tweens and teens), and be married a long time (18 years). I truly just don't GAF about the actual day of mother's day. So we spend the day with my local inlaws every year. (My mom is dead.) Sometime in the week or so before, I get myself a massage and a mani-pedi, buy some new spring clothes, and have DH go with me to a favorite restaurant. He doesn't have to disappoint his petulant immature guilt-tripping mother, and I score points for being the most understanding wife ever.

It takes so much less energy to just not care.

I’m a younger mom and I also don’t care much about Mother’s Day. I get a massage, facial, and mani-pedi once a month. I don’t need it to be that particular Sunday. I also feel appreciated by my husband and kids year-round. If I didn’t then yeah, maybe I’d make a big deal of it.

I find people who make a fuss about these things to be quite immature, whether they’re old or young. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Mother’s Day was invented by Hallmark as a way to sell more moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its so freeing to get old (42), have older kids (tweens and teens), and be married a long time (18 years). I truly just don't GAF about the actual day of mother's day. So we spend the day with my local inlaws every year. (My mom is dead.) Sometime in the week or so before, I get myself a massage and a mani-pedi, buy some new spring clothes, and have DH go with me to a favorite restaurant. He doesn't have to disappoint his petulant immature guilt-tripping mother, and I score points for being the most understanding wife ever.

It takes so much less energy to just not care.

I’m a younger mom and I also don’t care much about Mother’s Day. I get a massage, facial, and mani-pedi once a month. I don’t need it to be that particular Sunday. I also feel appreciated by my husband and kids year-round. If I didn’t then yeah, maybe I’d make a big deal of it.

I find people who make a fuss about these things to be quite immature, whether they’re old or young. Who cares?

You're very fortunate.

And tone deaf. To deem others less fortunate than you as immature for making a fuss, it reeks of "let them eat cake."

[Anonymous]

It's so close to my birthday that I just don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here… I guess I’m mostly frustrated that my mom won’t give up the day AND doesn’t ask maybe what I’d like to do. If I have to share the day, fine, but taking my young kids to brunch isn’t it.

Know why she does that? Because she was treated that way as a mother of young children, and then her children grew up and Mother’s Day finally became about her. We do this to each other.

Well, most people do not do this to each other at all.

I called my mom and sent her some flowers.

My kids made me cards and breakfast. The end.

This whole her day, my day, share the day. Ridiculous behavior from adults. Get a grip ladies.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, This is my gift to you:

DP. LOL! Thank you for posting this! I LOVE this element of DCUM!

OMG +1 million, thank you for this PP 😂

So funny, I had never seen this before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the older moms are dominating the day, take all of Saturday to do what YOU WANT next year.

My DH will 100% take 7 hours to go golf for Father's day, so I feel absolutely NO guilt taking a day for myself. Or sending him OUT with the kids. Whatever I need.

Agree it should be equivalent. If Father’s Day is a card and small gift, then Mother’s Day should be too. But if you take off for a golf day, I want a spa day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so pissed. My Dh basically lied to me about where we were going. It was a day with his mom. All her favorite foods and we drove 3 hours each way to see her. My infant has been screaming his head off for 2 hours. He lied to me because he knew I asked to go to a winery or a nice picnic. Clearly he thought his mom was more important than me and that my feelings weren’t as important as hers. He thought I could just suck it up and celebrate another day.

This deserves it’s own thread.

I have no words…

1st pp here who was tricked into a trip to MIL's- I have found peace. DH and I talked a lot about it. He felt trapped between his mom wanting to spend the day with grandkids and me wanting a nice day with my family. He thought both could happen. I'm still pissed and even he said it was too much for the kids, particularly the baby. Overall I have a wonderful spouse and kids... it wasn't a bad time with his mom, but I recognized that every food there was her favorites. I don't understand why I got a lower billing.

Oh yeah, and this wasn't my first mother's day like someone else asked. I have set clear expectations- flowers and family time. I wanted a picnic at a winery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so pissed. My Dh basically lied to me about where we were going. It was a day with his mom. All her favorite foods and we drove 3 hours each way to see her. My infant has been screaming his head off for 2 hours. He lied to me because he knew I asked to go to a winery or a nice picnic. Clearly he thought his mom was more important than me and that my feelings weren’t as important as hers. He thought I could just suck it up and celebrate another day.

This deserves it’s own thread.

I have no words…

1st pp here who was tricked into a trip to MIL's- I have found peace. DH and I talked a lot about it. He felt trapped between his mom wanting to spend the day with grandkids and me wanting a nice day with my family. He thought both could happen. I'm still pissed and even he said it was too much for the kids, particularly the baby. Overall I have a wonderful spouse and kids... it wasn't a bad time with his mom, but I recognized that every food there was her favorites. I don't understand why I got a lower billing.

Oh yeah, and this wasn't my first mother's day like someone else asked. I have set clear expectations- flowers and family time. I wanted a picnic at a winery.

DP but someone who thinks you should do a thread. I know you said you found peace but I have to say that I really feel for you. You, absolutely, deserved better. It's not just a Mother's Day thing, it's the subterfuge and actions indicating that he put more effort into something for his mother than you. How did/will he make this up to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so pissed. My Dh basically lied to me about where we were going. It was a day with his mom. All her favorite foods and we drove 3 hours each way to see her. My infant has been screaming his head off for 2 hours. He lied to me because he knew I asked to go to a winery or a nice picnic. Clearly he thought his mom was more important than me and that my feelings weren’t as important as hers. He thought I could just suck it up and celebrate another day.

This deserves it’s own thread.

I have no words…

1st pp here who was tricked into a trip to MIL's- I have found peace. DH and I talked a lot about it. He felt trapped between his mom wanting to spend the day with grandkids and me wanting a nice day with my family. He thought both could happen. I'm still pissed and even he said it was too much for the kids, particularly the baby. Overall I have a wonderful spouse and kids... it wasn't a bad time with his mom, but I recognized that every food there was her favorites. I don't understand why I got a lower billing.

Oh yeah, and this wasn't my first mother's day like someone else asked. I have set clear expectations- flowers and family time. I wanted a picnic at a winery.

He willfully lied to you to get you to do what he wanted on a day important to you. It speaks volumes about the man. Good luck finding peace with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you make the Saturday before Mother's day YOUR mother's day and do all the things you want and then you can celebrate your mom/MIL on the actual day? For me, it doesnt HAVE to be on sunday, I just want a day where I get to do all the things I want.

How about we just let Mother's day celebrate those doing the hard work of raising kids in their home. How about our moms and MILs pass the baton and celebrate the daughters who brought them grandchildren. How about they be grateful when we still wish them a Happy Mother's Day instead of kvetching that you can never do enough to appreciate them.