Embarrassed by your own success?

[Anonymous]

Please disengage from posters and people in real life who will look down on you for having money and how you spend it. They are not worth it. Someone is judging their expenses too but they care less. There is no magical correct salary number and way to spend because situations vary. This does not serve you or your mental health to dwell on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

Of course you do. [snort]

But, to answer your question, you would provide that information because it bears directly on the point you were trying to make. You said your MIL doesn't understand why you are a SAHM who need a full-time nanny. The fact that you have a chronic illness bears directly on how people view your situation.

The fact that this needs to be explained to you really proves my earlier point re the turnip.

You know you can just say sorry, on the Internet. It's humanly possible.

You think someone who speaks to a stranger like that has empathy enough to apologize online? Don't engage with bitter, they lash out in much uglier ways.

[Anonymous]

$1.7m no longer a “big deal”. Sorry to burst your bubble but no one will care.

[Anonymous]

Rates are going way up, the monthly payment for a 1.7m house now is the same as for a 2.2m house a few months ago. Pretty soon prices will collapse and your 1.7m will be worth 1.3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$1.7m no longer a “big deal”. Sorry to burst your bubble but no one will care.

Yeah maybe if every single person you know makes 500k+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually feel the opposite. DH and I had no parental help and had 6 figure student loans to pay off when we first married. Through some luck in real estate, we were able to pay off those loans in 3 years and our careers took off and we were able to save enough to upgrade our housing situation and lifestyle. We are diligent savers and not spendthrift, although we enjoy international vacations and live in a nice neighborhood. Most of our friends are in a similar situation so there is no disparity there. All my in-laws, however, earn 5-10x less than we do, and seem put off by us even though we do not flaunt our wealth in any way. Moreover, MIL and FIL, are constantly bailing out DH’s siblings and their families, but do nothing for us whatsoever. Far from being embarrassed at our success, I would like some recognition of the hard work we put in to get to where we are. Instead, I constantly hear them bragging about how so and so became a manager at an Applebees or a bank teller.

I feel like I could have written this post. My wife and I have had a very similar path. We started with nothing, and had NO help from parents. I think what gave us our boost is that we are the perfect partners together, and we found each other young. We have worked as a team to take our HHI from $40k when we were first married to $350k+ 20 years later. paying for our own undergrad and professional degrees. We are now debt-free except for the house. We are enjoying the fruits of our labor now, traveling with our child A LOT. Parents attribute it only to being lucky, and my older brother who is in retail, is still really their golden child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Isn't it normal for mid 30s couple to buy 1.5+ houses? Seems like every young couple I know are doing it. Maybe you should be embassed for buying 3mn+ house, but for a 1.5-1.7m house, you should consider yourself pretty normal.

+1. OP must have grown up poor, so he doesn’t realize they’re just normal now. I’m mid 30’s, bought a 3m house a couple of years ago, and I don’t feel embarrassed. There’s tons of other people more successful than us.

Not normal at all. $1.5m house requires a top 2% HHI. Normal within your top 2% zip code maybe.

That’s what I was thinking, too. I don’t know anybody who lives in a $1.5M house. I doubt there is one within 5 miles of us and we live in the DC region. This isn’t “common” at all, unless you live in a remarkably wealthy neighborhood. If so, good for you and I mean that sincerely. Just don’t believe it’s “normal.”

[Anonymous]

You had your college and wedding paid for and bragging that you “made it” lol. Okay sure buddy.

Here’s your pat in the back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buying a home at 1.5 million in your mid 30s is really nothing special. Sorry. Get over yourself.

My thoughts as well. I’m confused. If you’re over 30 and married there isn’t any special about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Isn't it normal for mid 30s couple to buy 1.5+ houses? Seems like every young couple I know are doing it. Maybe you should be embassed for buying 3mn+ house, but for a 1.5-1.7m house, you should consider yourself pretty normal.

+1. OP must have grown up poor, so he doesn’t realize they’re just normal now. I’m mid 30’s, bought a 3m house a couple of years ago, and I don’t feel embarrassed. There’s tons of other people more successful than us.

Not normal at all. $1.5m house requires a top 2% HHI. Normal within your top 2% zip code maybe.

That’s what I was thinking, too. I don’t know anybody who lives in a $1.5M house. I doubt there is one within 5 miles of us and we live in the DC region. This isn’t “common” at all, unless you live in a remarkably wealthy neighborhood. If so, good for you and I mean that sincerely. Just don’t believe it’s “normal.”

Among highly educated circles and high six figures this is the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it normal for mid 30s couple to buy 1.5+ houses? Seems like every young couple I know are doing it. Maybe you should be embassed for buying 3mn+ house, but for a 1.5-1.7m house, you should consider yourself pretty normal.

+1. OP must have grown up poor, so he doesn’t realize they’re just normal now. I’m mid 30’s, bought a 3m house a couple of years ago, and I don’t feel embarrassed. There’s tons of other people more successful than us.

Not normal at all. $1.5m house requires a top 2% HHI. Normal within your top 2% zip code maybe.

That’s what I was thinking, too. I don’t know anybody who lives in a $1.5M house. I doubt there is one within 5 miles of us and we live in the DC region. This isn’t “common” at all, unless you live in a remarkably wealthy neighborhood. If so, good for you and I mean that sincerely. Just don’t believe it’s “normal.”

Among highly educated circles and high six figures this is the norm.

This is also the norm among people who bought their homes in the 80-90s in nyc and are now sitting on real estate worth millions. All of my friends live in 1.5 million dollar homes because their parents bought it when it was still ghetto lol

For example, Brownstones in crown heights we’re 200,000 and are now 1.7 million +. These are primarily black immigrants who worked gov or nursing jobs.

[Anonymous]

Oh calm down. I’m younger than you, have more money than you, make more money than you, and have more kids than you. Whoopty f*ck. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may be weird, but I am fairly young <35 and my wife and I do quite well (500k + income and healthy savings/ investment accounts over 1m). While we did have our colleges paid for, we’ve received no family help/inheritance/gifts (outside of small graduation, wedding, etc).

We are in the process of buying a 1.5-1.7M home. We know we can afford it but we have this feeling like people will judge us for doing it. We are embarrassed to tell people we moved, our address, etc.

The home is not earth shattering, it’s in a nice neighborhood in Bethesda, and about 3k square feet. We both work downtown and have two little kids so this is what worked for our family in terms of location and size.

Do other people ever feel embarrassed about their successes? At our age, our parents couldn’t even fathom the life we live. They are so proud of us but I don’t ever want them to think differently of us for our financial decisions. Same goes with friends, friends parents, etc.

Am i insane or is this normal?

This sentence made no sense. You are not self made and are delusional about it which is why you feel shame
It’s hard being an imposter.

[Anonymous]

I agree that having college paid for is like a free trip to second base. But it doesn’t get you all the way. Plenty of people grew up UMC and had college and wedding paid for but still lacked the motivation to do much. Of course, others work hard but in less well-paying fields and they should be highly regarded.

[Anonymous]

I feel self-conscious but getting used to it. We went from having a modest but nice life in DC. Definitely nothing special by DCUM standards.

Then we relocated without jobs to a flyover state---long story---and financially fell on our faces. Thankfully, we had 100k in cash to tide us over but we ended up living in poverty. We lived a tiny home, in a crime-ridden neighborhood for what ended up being five years.

Meanwhile, we hashed out a plan to rebuild. We kept at it and built back our lifestyle better than it was before in DC. And this time, I'm a SAHM now, so now it's on one income.

Acquaintances we aren't that close with don't understand how we went from a run-down neighborhood to a huge house in one of the nicest neighborhoods. They start to ask "how" but stop themselves because it's awkward. And we are embarrassed to tell our new neighbors where we used to live because we don't want to get into that conversation.

Our friends in our new city are happy for us but it's kind of weird for them to see the dramatic change. We went from being the brokest to being pretty comfortable on one income. Multiple neighbors we were friends with in our old neighborhood told us they were envious we were "getting out of here," and they wished they could too so those friendships just kind of died.

I come from poverty so it's a little weird with my parents. It took my mom the better part of a year to say she was happy for me and it was a strange conversation. And my dad who lives several states looked up our house on Google maps one day. He called just to say "That's a nice-frickin' house! And that neighborhood is so beautiful. I'm jealous!" I was pretty embarrassed but I knew he was congratulating us.

Thankfully, my siblings and my one of husband's siblings were already living in this income bracket, so they are just like "hey, good for you guys!"

Long story short, it's been a year and I still haven't sent out "Hey, we moved announcements!" It's just too weird.

And I'm nervous, I just pray we don't ever go through losing it all again someday!