Embarrassed by your own success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your parents paid hundred of thousands of dollars for college and you don’t think they did much?

The only way I can fathom that you’d be embarrassed about buying a house in that range is if you are new to this area.

+1 if paying for college is no help, I cannot imagine how small was the wedding and graduation gift. Stop wining. You feel weird because you are weird.

[Anonymous]

What’s up with these humble brag posts lately? I can see if it was mid20s making that much money. But mid-30s is hardly anything to brag about lol. I know people younger than you who make more money. So what though? Not everyone needs to be at the same playing field at the same time.

Besides, a 1.5 million house is nothing special in the DMV. That can be a townhouse in some cases.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Same story except college and grad school were paid for with loans and scholarships for both of us. Our loans are now paid off. Current house is worth $1.4 (paid $800), and we’re looking around $3m. We recently declined to bid on a certain house bc of concerns about how our wealth might be perceived and how that might our relationships with people we care deeply about. Was a bit of a wake up call for both of us. Not healthy, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it normal for mid 30s couple to buy 1.5+ houses? Seems like every young couple I know are doing it. Maybe you should be embassed for buying 3mn+ house, but for a 1.5-1.7m house, you should consider yourself pretty normal.

+1. OP must have grown up poor, so he doesn’t realize they’re just normal now. I’m mid 30’s, bought a 3m house a couple of years ago, and I don’t feel embarrassed. There’s tons of other people more successful than us.

[Anonymous]

My friend is a single mother making less than your combined salary bought a 1.5m house two years ago, and that was her second home. She's not embarrassed about herself. OP your 1.5m today will only get you something work 1.1 two years ago. You might have to feel sorry for yourself to have such humble budget in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, insane. Why would you feel embarrassed? This isn’t that uncommon, especially if you grew up in the wealthier suburbs of a major city. Did you both grow up more middle class and then move here?

No we grew up in the DC suburbs/MoCo

Our parents are both comfortable, my parents slightly less so. They gave us access to fantastic schools growing up so I guess I almost feel guilty that their sacrifices allowed us to be where we are today?

I’m def overthinking it..

Are one of you Feds? We are both Feds and grew up LMC, had ton of college debt, but have always lived way below our means which means we were able to save for a $1.4M house in an inner suburb by age 40. It made sense for us bc of the commute and schools, but the VAST majority of our peers choose steeper suburbs for nicer houses for less or have non-Fed spouses working as teachers or such. So people have commented on our fancy address when we talk about such things (which honestly isn’t she often).

[Anonymous]

Buying a home at 1.5 million in your mid 30s is really nothing special. Sorry. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Successful men don’t post on here and ask questions like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm similar to you and bought a $1.4M home about 10 years ago, when i was your age, that is worth about $2.5M in another major US city. Debtless college and no other help (not even advice) from family. My DH felt it the most from his peers. They judged him, or assumed we had family money, and felt envious. I actually didn't have too many "friends" in the area because we were fairly new, so most "friends" came from work and never came to my house.

My family was the worst. My mom was happy and envious, which brought about some strange behaviors. My siblings didn't really care too much since they were wrapped in their lives. Until one of my sisters wanted similar stability for her kids. Then she started making snide comments. She still makes them sometimes. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is telling my parents to disinherit me in favor of her because she "needs" it more. It makes me feels sad. And sadder that I think they will do it. Less the issue with money and more being from a toxic family.

On the other hand pur home has increased dramatically in value and we were able to take advantage of low interest rates of the time. Because of this we also bought a vacation home in a sought after location that has tripled in value.

Same. I think this dynamic is more prevalent than we know. As soon as (envious party - family or not) sees something they want, even if they did not KNOW they wanted it until YOU had it - the wrath begins. God help you if they are mentally ill, and have tendencies to fixate/ruminate - then they are like a rabid dog with a bone (the bone being topic of "why" YOU have what you have) - instead of focusing on bettering themselves. You learn how messed up some people really are, which turns out to be a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents paid hundred of thousands of dollars for college and you don’t think they did much?

The only way I can fathom that you’d be embarrassed about buying a house in that range is if you are new to this area.

+1 if paying for college is no help, I cannot imagine how small was the wedding and graduation gift. Stop wining. You feel weird because you are weird.

+1

People who had college and wedding paid for can be so ungrateful and clueless about how very generous that is - look for handouts much?

[Anonymous]

I hope you are taking your parents on nice vacations and donating a lot of money to charities.

[Anonymous]

OP, relax, 1.7m in Bethesda is like nothing, you could be the poorest in your new neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

As someone who had to take out loans for college married to a spouse who took out loans for college and medical school. Coming from two families who couldn't pay for our wedding...you had a much bigger leg up than you realize. Huge. We have a lot of debt and it's not CC debt for luxuries and we live very much within our means.

I feel like you should let go whatever you're feeling about this; because it's life. Some have more; some have less. Forget about the comparison and just leave this world a better place in some way. Do good. Be good. Be kind. And enjoy your nice house. I won't ever be able to afford that; but as long as you're kind to me and my family, I just don't care.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to redefine what you mean by "your own" success. It sounds like your families set you up to be successful by giving you an enormous leg up through your educations and making sure you had no debt from school or things like weddings, etc. Assuming good intentions you are where they wanted you to be.

[Anonymous]

“While we did have our colleges paid for,”

Hahahahaha