Embarrassed by your own success?

[Anonymous]

I am a divorced former SAHM just recently went back to work. Live in a 1.7mm townhouse in Mt Pleasant which I bought out from exH taking an 80% loan 2 years ago. It’s just a normal TH with English basement though very central. I could have gotten a larger house in suburbs but I don’t want to take care of lawns and backyard too much, or have high utilities bills.

Your living situation is nothing spectacular by dmv standards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your parents paid hundred of thousands of dollars for college and you don’t think they did much?

The only way I can fathom that you’d be embarrassed about buying a house in that range is if you are new to this area.

AND paid for their wedding. But you know, no big deal!

[Anonymous]

What do you do to make 500k a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents paid hundred of thousands of dollars for college and you don’t think they did much?

The only way I can fathom that you’d be embarrassed about buying a house in that range is if you are new to this area.

AND paid for their wedding. But you know, no big deal!

Exactly. Interesting that OP hasn’t responded to anyone calling him/her out on this.

[Anonymous]

Good salaries, house just so so

[Anonymous]

Poster says “your” success. But his wife is paying 1/2 his bills.

Also no one counts HHI when saying your success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may be weird, but I am fairly young <35 and my wife and I do quite well (500k + income and healthy savings/ investment accounts over 1m). While we did have our colleges paid for, we’ve received no family help/inheritance/gifts (outside of small graduation, wedding, etc).

We are in the process of buying a 1.5-1.7M home. We know we can afford it but we have this feeling like people will judge us for doing it. We are embarrassed to tell people we moved, our address, etc.

The home is not earth shattering, it’s in a nice neighborhood in Bethesda, and about 3k square feet. We both work downtown and have two little kids so this is what worked for our family in terms of location and size.

Do other people ever feel embarrassed about their successes? At our age, our parents couldn’t even fathom the life we live. They are so proud of us but I don’t ever want them to think differently of us for our financial decisions. Same goes with friends, friends parents, etc.

Am i insane or is this normal?

OP, please tally up how much money this is if you ever do come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be weird, but I am fairly young <35 and my wife and I do quite well (500k + income and healthy savings/ investment accounts over 1m). While we did have our colleges paid for, we’ve received no family help/inheritance/gifts (outside of small graduation, wedding, etc).

We are in the process of buying a 1.5-1.7M home. We know we can afford it but we have this feeling like people will judge us for doing it. We are embarrassed to tell people we moved, our address, etc.

The home is not earth shattering, it’s in a nice neighborhood in Bethesda, and about 3k square feet. We both work downtown and have two little kids so this is what worked for our family in terms of location and size.

Do other people ever feel embarrassed about their successes? At our age, our parents couldn’t even fathom the life we live. They are so proud of us but I don’t ever want them to think differently of us for our financial decisions. Same goes with friends, friends parents, etc.

Am i insane or is this normal?

OP, please tally up how much money this is if you ever do come back.

Don't forget to add up college - where they private colleges? Any masters / other professional degrees paid for by mommy and daddy?

I don't think it's wrong, hope to do it for my child, but...be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

I understand where you are coming from OP, we were not embarrassed but not quick to divulge what neighborhood we live in. We also had financial success in our early 30s. DH is in a very niche field, with his own company and no one really knows how much he makes. We both laugh about it and say we want to keep it that way. We fly under the radar with our wealth but when people see our house and/or find out where we live, the question always comes up "What does Larlo do?" or "Who does he work for?". HHI is one thing, net worth is another. Keep in mind, just because you buy and expensive house doesn't mean you are well off. You can have a high HHI but be broke/not well off or you can have a low HHI with a high net worth, these are not the same thing. If you lose your job today, one is definitely the better scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you are coming from OP, we were not embarrassed but not quick to divulge what neighborhood we live in. We also had financial success in our early 30s. DH is in a very niche field, with his own company and no one really knows how much he makes. We both laugh about it and say we want to keep it that way. We fly under the radar with our wealth but when people see our house and/or find out where we live, the question always comes up "What does Larlo do?" or "Who does he work for?". HHI is one thing, net worth is another. Keep in mind, just because you buy and expensive house doesn't mean you are well off. You can have a high HHI but be broke/not well off or you can have a low HHI with a high net worth, these are not the same thing. If you lose your job today, one is definitely the better scenario.

Did your parents pay for your education and/or help you with the down payment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, insane. Why would you feel embarrassed? This isn’t that uncommon, especially if you grew up in the wealthier suburbs of a major city. Did you both grow up more middle class and then move here?

No we grew up in the DC suburbs/MoCo

Our parents are both comfortable, my parents slightly less so. They gave us access to fantastic schools growing up so I guess I almost feel guilty that their sacrifices allowed us to be where we are today?

I’m def overthinking it..

What did they sacrifice? It was their life. Parents want the best for their kids. They want them to be better off than they are.

[Anonymous]

Age notwithstanding, we're far, far wealthier than our families and most of our friends. We bought a luxury car in 2020 - our first - and I'm still self-conscious when I drive it.

OTOH, most of our family live in really low-cost states, so even though our home costs many times what theirs cost, most of them have larger, nicer, and more comfortable homes than we do.

It's all relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, insane. Why would you feel embarrassed? This isn’t that uncommon, especially if you grew up in the wealthier suburbs of a major city. Did you both grow up more middle class and then move here?

No we grew up in the DC suburbs/MoCo

Our parents are both comfortable, my parents slightly less so. They gave us access to fantastic schools growing up so I guess I almost feel guilty that their sacrifices allowed us to be where we are today?

I’m def overthinking it..

What did they sacrifice? It was their life. Parents want the best for their kids. They want them to be better off than they are.

I think the point is, the parents sacrificed their wealth by paying for their kids' education. Not wrong, as mentioned before, but not honest to say frame the issue as the OP's success alone, and not built upon generational wealth.