Embarrassed by your own success?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't it normal for mid 30s couple to buy 1.5+ houses? Seems like every young couple I know are doing it. Maybe you should be embassed for buying 3mn+ house, but for a 1.5-1.7m house, you should consider yourself pretty normal.

+1. OP must have grown up poor, so he doesn’t realize they’re just normal now. I’m mid 30’s, bought a 3m house a couple of years ago, and I don’t feel embarrassed. There’s tons of other people more successful than us.

Not normal at all. $1.5m house requires a top 2% HHI. Normal within your top 2% zip code maybe.

[Anonymous]

OP I have similar stats and feel the same way. But…I only have one life so I decided to live it in a nicer house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you are coming from OP, we were not embarrassed but not quick to divulge what neighborhood we live in. We also had financial success in our early 30s. DH is in a very niche field, with his own company and no one really knows how much he makes. We both laugh about it and say we want to keep it that way. We fly under the radar with our wealth but when people see our house and/or find out where we live, the question always comes up "What does Larlo do?" or "Who does he work for?". HHI is one thing, net worth is another. Keep in mind, just because you buy and expensive house doesn't mean you are well off. You can have a high HHI but be broke/not well off or you can have a low HHI with a high net worth, these are not the same thing. If you lose your job today, one is definitely the better scenario.

Did your parents pay for your education and/or help you with the down payment?

Wife had college fully funded. Husband zero help from family, parents wouldn't even fill out the financial aid forms, paid cash with no loans for college with money saved working weekends and summers. Zero help with down payments for either person for purchase of condos each owned individually. Zero help with down payment on first home that was purchased together, zero help with new construction home.

[Anonymous]

We live in a very affluent, old money type suburb (not of DC). Sometimes I feel embarrassed when people ask where I live, like people at work, because I’m younger and I feel like I can see surprise in peoples faces. I sometimes feel like I have to give a disclaimer like ‘But we live in a regular people neighborhood, not a mansion’.

[Anonymous]

Yea, but we both earn way more than you and have a far higher net worth. We’re a bit older but at your age we were something like 8-10 times higher income and 12-15 times higher net worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, but we both earn way more than you and have a far higher net worth. We’re a bit older but at your age we were something like 8-10 times higher income and 12-15 times higher net worth.

$5 million a year at under 35? That's nothing dude, I was raking in 8 figures as a fetus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

[Anonymous]

We were you a few years ago. I actually started the thread about my friends having no money.

Dh and I came from nothing and did very well for ourselves. I remember when we earned about 500k with 2 young kids and buying our first single family house. We felt guilt and pride. Enjoy your success and your family.

Fast forward a few years, we now have a $2-3m HHI and we upgraded to a $3m house a few years ago. That house is now worth $4m. We were already the high earners when we had a 500k income amongst our friends and now we try not to appear or act rich because none of our good friends have money. We had the biggest house when we had a 500k income and then our upgraded houses. We were considering building our absolute dream house. We are considering it but I don’t know if I need or want such a big house when our kids will be leaving for college in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I get it. If you grow up mc and see your parents as good role models. They are/ were frugal but not cheap— they stay in same house, only update if something is broken, donate to charity, travel without dc, travel to parks with dc, pay for state college but expect you work summers, etc. it’s a mindset. You want them to be proud of your success but you also want them to see that you value what they taught you - good steward of finances, substance over flash, helping others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

Of course you do. [snort]

But, to answer your question, you would provide that information because it bears directly on the point you were trying to make. You said your MIL doesn't understand why you are a SAHM who need a full-time nanny. The fact that you have a chronic illness bears directly on how people view your situation.

The fact that this needs to be explained to you really proves my earlier point re the turnip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

Of course you do. [snort]

But, to answer your question, you would provide that information because it bears directly on the point you were trying to make. You said your MIL doesn't understand why you are a SAHM who need a full-time nanny. The fact that you have a chronic illness bears directly on how people view your situation.

The fact that this needs to be explained to you really proves my earlier point re the turnip.

Except that my MIL *also doesn't know about this*...why would she? This is private medical information. We aren't close. Jesus, people live life differently than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

Of course you do. [snort]

But, to answer your question, you would provide that information because it bears directly on the point you were trying to make. You said your MIL doesn't understand why you are a SAHM who need a full-time nanny. The fact that you have a chronic illness bears directly on how people view your situation.

The fact that this needs to be explained to you really proves my earlier point re the turnip.

You know you can just say sorry, on the Internet. It's humanly possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^also I'm probably projecting but I definitely think my MIL judges the amount of help we have. She raised six kids while working full time and I think she doesn't understand why we need so much help.

How did she do this with no help?

Daycare and the older kids helped the younger ones. Big Italian Catholic family. I'm a SAHM with a full time nanny and she's so nice to me but I do something wonder if she rolls her eyes at me.

Well, yeah. So am I.

I have a chronic illness and a spouse that works 80 hours a week. This makes our life easier. Sorry that bothers you.

Well, you hadn't mentioned that before. You only said you were a SAHM with a full time nanny. Based on this exchange, one of the side effects of your chronic illness appears to be that you have the IQ of a turnip.

Lol egg on your face makes you mighty defensive. I have an Ivy degree and two masters and had to quit working when I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I think this is a good lesson for you in "be kind to everyone because you don't know what they're going through". Why would I divulge health information in a post about my mother in law? Also turnips are delicious so thanks.

Of course you do. [snort]

But, to answer your question, you would provide that information because it bears directly on the point you were trying to make. You said your MIL doesn't understand why you are a SAHM who need a full-time nanny. The fact that you have a chronic illness bears directly on how people view your situation.

The fact that this needs to be explained to you really proves my earlier point re the turnip.

Actually I think the point is that you should refrain from judging anyone's situation because you will never have the full picture of what they're going through, as in this case. Maybe you're the turnip if you can't understand that.

[Anonymous]

I actually feel the opposite. DH and I had no parental help and had 6 figure student loans to pay off when we first married. Through some luck in real estate, we were able to pay off those loans in 3 years and our careers took off and we were able to save enough to upgrade our housing situation and lifestyle. We are diligent savers and not spendthrift, although we enjoy international vacations and live in a nice neighborhood. Most of our friends are in a similar situation so there is no disparity there. All my in-laws, however, earn 5-10x less than we do, and seem put off by us even though we do not flaunt our wealth in any way. Moreover, MIL and FIL, are constantly bailing out DH’s siblings and their families, but do nothing for us whatsoever. Far from being embarrassed at our success, I would like some recognition of the hard work we put in to get to where we are. Instead, I constantly hear them bragging about how so and so became a manager at an Applebees or a bank teller.