Your daily reminder that expecting parents to teach their kids at home is super inequitable

[Anonymous]

The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely hilarious how many posters are falling all over themselves to indignantly insist they FULLY APPROVE of sh*tty public education because they’re good mommies who don’t even need it. Good job ladies, here’s your cookie for doing the job your tax dollars should be doing, now please stop yelling angrily at anyone who suggests you should expect more from your public institutions.

I agree, OP. Just one of the many ways public school here is totally broken.

+1

These are the same people in the 7th grade reading thread in Teens who are telling public school parents they are lying about their kids not being assigned books in school. Totally obnoxious and entitled.

No. These are the sort of people that would have introduced their kids to canonical literature long before middle school, precisely because they/we understand that public schools don’t make the effort. Why?… because the schools can’t expect much from kids due to deficient supports at home and so they assign only little snippets out of a sense of “equity.” They know most of the kids won’t (or can’t) read an entire novel and they certainly can’t expect anyone in the home to encourage the kid to, much less engage them on the material. We all suffer when some/many families fail to do their part.

you already got your cookie, you can go away now!

I want another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this even a complaint? You think asking for a parent's help in an assignment from a teacher is inequitable?

If it's graded on whether a parent helped, then maybe. If an adult, any adult, can't help your child with their homework, that's really awful.

The government is not responsible for everything for your child except for food and a place to sleep. Really re-think how much your believe you are entitled to.

Again, some of you either can’t read, or argue for the sake of arguing. Go back and re-read the OP. I said it’s wrong for schools to expect parents to research gaps in curriculum and fill them in. Parents are welcome to do what they wish, but they shouldn’t have to make up for a school’s failing.

No, OP said, and I quote: "The *only* thing parents should be responsible for is ensuring their kids are well fed and rested, and mentally and physically ready to learn at school." Food, rest, and physical readiness. That's the *only* (emphasis in the original) parental responsibility according to OP.

[Anonymous]

I fully agree that supplementing at home should not be necessary (and I don't do it).

However, OP's list of parental responsibilities is woefully deficient. How about our responsibility to make sure our kids are respectful, to teachers and their peers? To instill a love of learning that makes them receptive to what they hear in school? To teach them to take responsibility for themselves and their schoolwork? To encourage them to be invested in their education and success? To teach them to listen? And on and on.

There's a lot more to education than multiplication tables and those are the critical skills that start at home.

[Anonymous]

You're teaching your kids every moment you're with them whether you intend to or not. Maybe you're not teaching them multiplication tables, but you're teaching them humor, that one should be productive, that watching TV or looking at a screen is a normal way to spend time, how to interact with other people, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

If I were a school administrator or teacher I would do all I can to mitigate the deficits that kids are dealing with (largely through no fault of their own). But only parents/ caregivers can prepare kids to absorb the material at school. To the extent a parent can’t or won’t, then all-of-society must step up. These are not problems that a school can or should be expected to solve. Schools can’t solve housing insecurity, two-income trap, unsafe ‘hood, econ inequality writ large, etc. All schools can do is mitigate, but mitigation, by definition, will never be enough. Until we address the broader social ills, this is as good as it gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

What do you mean by "punish?" I imagine most schools don't "punish" kids who aren't supplemented at home. Most schools do provide the basics, provided the child is willing and ready to learn. But you can't expect equal outcomes when some parents supplement at home and others don't.

The families that supplement will collectively do better, obviously, and schools should not be expected to overcome that gap by themselves. Schools can try to help the kids who aren't supported at home, but expectations need to be more realistic. There is only so much you can do through the schools.

[Anonymous]

I agree that schools should be able to get all students to achieve at least minimal baseline standards without parents having to supplement. But understand that, as a practical matter, certain academic trajectories and opportunities will only be available to students that operate 2+ years above grade level. Some of these kids are advanced because they are truly gifted, but most are advanced because the parents are doing a bit extra--that is, they are affirmatively deciding what bodies of knowledge they want their kids to know/master and taking steps to ensure that happens. We shouldn't expect all parents to do that, but nor should we complain when some kids can't find their way into specialized programs in middle school and then demand to have the standards lowered due to concerns about "equity."

[Anonymous]

Some of this is really about disposition. I supplement a good but my other half just doesn't have the constitution or patience for it, and will often comment "isn't this something they'll learn in school at some point?" I suspect that a lot of UMC parents built like my other half and just don't want to be bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

What do you mean by "punish?" I imagine most schools don't "punish" kids who aren't supplemented at home. Most schools do provide the basics, provided the child is willing and ready to learn. But you can't expect equal outcomes when some parents supplement at home and others don't.

The families that supplement will collectively do better, obviously, and schools should not be expected to overcome that gap by themselves. Schools can try to help the kids who aren't supported at home, but expectations need to be more realistic. There is only so much you can do through the schools.

Yeah, it's fine to expect schools to provide the basics as keyed to whatever standards there are w/o demanding that parents also supplement. But then we certainly can't expect equal outcomes and proceed to blame the school for an achievement gap that started far outside the school door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

If I were a school administrator or teacher I would do all I can to mitigate the deficits that kids are dealing with (largely through no fault of their own). But only parents/ caregivers can prepare kids to absorb the material at school. To the extent a parent can’t or won’t, then all-of-society must step up. These are not problems that a school can or should be expected to solve. Schools can’t solve housing insecurity, two-income trap, unsafe ‘hood, econ inequality writ large, etc. All schools can do is mitigate, but mitigation, by definition, will never be enough. Until we address the broader social ills, this is as good as it gets.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is really about disposition. I supplement a good but my other half just doesn't have the constitution or patience for it, and will often comment "isn't this something they'll learn in school at some point?" I suspect that a lot of UMC parents built like my other half and just don't want to be bothered.

This is true, my neighbors are wealthy high achievers and the mom was complaining to me that her first grader was still shaky on the alphabet! "The school isn't doing its job" and when I told her to work with her own child, she said he won't listen to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is really about disposition. I supplement a good but my other half just doesn't have the constitution or patience for it, and will often comment "isn't this something they'll learn in school at some point?" I suspect that a lot of UMC parents built like my other half and just don't want to be bothered.

This is true, my neighbors are wealthy high achievers and the mom was complaining to me that her first grader was still shaky on the alphabet! "The school isn't doing its job" and when I told her to work with her own child, she said he won't listen to her.

Yeah, some people are just on principle like, "Do your job!" And they almost find it offensive that they are expected to do anything within the orbit of the school. "Why should I be responsible for something that you are specifically tasked to do!" (To be honest, in some areas of life that attitude is quite laudable -- those are the sorts of people that will demand top service be damned, while others are too timid to ask for what they want and end up regretfully disappointed. A certain degree of "entitlement" is perfectly healthy under certain circumstances.)

Other folks are more like, "What do I want my kids to learn and when?" OK, to what extent can I rely on the school for this/that, and to what degree will I have to do more on my own to ensure that my child gets to where I want to them get?" It's just a more practical approach, but I'm not sure you can inculcate that disposition in folks that don't have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The expectation that school is going to do everything and therefore parents can do nothing is the laziest attitude I have ever heard. You are the one who decided to become a parent: therefore, you parent. School is not going to notice if your child slips through the cracks. Have a sense of responsibility and be the parent. My dad was one of 10 kids and they were dirt poor and wore only charity hand-me-downs and lived in a three-bedroom home rented from their grandfather,
but you can bet your bottom dollar his parents made sure all their kids were on task, doing their homework, and moving forward in school. Of the 10, three became lawyers, one a dentist, three accountants, and three teachers.


Signed,
A parent who is sick of schools being called to do all things for all people. Ridiculous.

The issue is that some parents can’t or won’t do it (however much you disapprove of them) and their children shouldn’t be punished. That doesn’t mean you need to stop taking Jasper to Kumon, it means that basics should be accessible to all children at school including those with parents not able or willing to supplement.

If I were a school administrator or teacher I would do all I can to mitigate the deficits that kids are dealing with (largely through no fault of their own). But only parents/ caregivers can prepare kids to absorb the material at school. To the extent a parent can’t or won’t, then all-of-society must step up. These are not problems that a school can or should be expected to solve. Schools can’t solve housing insecurity, two-income trap, unsafe ‘hood, econ inequality writ large, etc. All schools can do is mitigate, but mitigation, by definition, will never be enough. Until we address the broader social ills, this is as good as it gets.

Totally agree with the bolded. And, as a society we should want to tackle these problems even if, in a sense, it seems "unfair" and that the kids parents are getting a free ride for not doing what they ought to do. We should want to tackle these problems because it's going to make our society better if we do. I'm not particularly motivated by notions of equity or thinking of the poor children who will never get a chance. But I'm very motivated by the idea that if we raise everybody up, we'll be living in a much more functional society, and we won't have to hide in gated communities to enjoy it.