Talk to me about having a second kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one 7 year old and haven’t felt exhausted in years. Plenty of time to spend with my daughter, spouse, and my own hobbies. Of course it’s worth it when the child is already here, but I really wish more women would consider stopping with one if they’re on the fence and mostly going forward because two kids is the social norm.

I am tired with one. We all have different capacities. I question my ability everyday, but I live to survive another day. I considered having another because of society but my relationships haven’t been the same since my first child. Im actually depressed but have not sought therapy yet because I thought it was just a phase. I love my child but don’t like the person I’ve become. People tell me another child would allow them play together but what about me?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I were having this conversation many years ago (kids are 7 and 10 now) we wound up in a conversation with a friend who is an only child who was at that time dealing with parents who were aging and one wound up dying shortly thereafter. She had to deal with it all by herself and shared how hard it was being the only child not just to carry on those memories but also to deal with the logistics of the whole situation.

My point being, the baby/toddler years are short in comparison to their whole lives. My two boys are very close (made closer by spending so much time together the past 2 years) and I'm so grateful that they have each other.

This ^^

I would say this same sentiment was probably one of our biggest motivators for having a second. They will always have each other even after we’re gone.

When my mom died my brother didnt help with sh*t. If that is why they had him, my parents failed.

[Anonymous]

I just had a visit from a couple who definitely should NOT have a second kid. The DH lazes around and does nothing. The DW also barely does anything, but a little more than the DH. If you want a second kid you can’t be too lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one 7 year old and haven’t felt exhausted in years. Plenty of time to spend with my daughter, spouse, and my own hobbies. Of course it’s worth it when the child is already here, but I really wish more women would consider stopping with one if they’re on the fence and mostly going forward because two kids is the social norm.

Plenty of people who only have one child struggle - kid may have special needs, be a poor sleeper, have behavior problems, etc. You sound smug and that’s annoying. It’s also incorrect to assume many people want 2 kids because of it being a social norm. That says more about you and your insecurity with your choice than other people. Why are you even on this thread trying to justify it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first two years of the second child's life are tough, so just plan those out carefully with a nanny or whatever support system you can muster. Once you have a plan, it's easier. Once the kid turns 2, and even moreso once they turn 3, it's mentally and physically about as hard as one (in my experience). There is more logistics/shuttling to activities, but other than that it evens out because they do occasionally play together. We were on the fence and love having two now. They are 4 years apart, girl then boy. Good luck, OP!

But you never know what it would have been like to have had one 7 year old, right? Our friends with one elementary kid have it MUCH easier than we do, and probably ever will.

True but I do know that one 7 year old and one 3 year old is not that much harder than one 4 year old. Of course no one should be pressured into having a second (or first or third ) kid, I was just a sharing my perspective. There’s also no guarantee you won’t have an SN child but there are no guarantees in life generally so if you feel like your first would benefit from having a sibling and you feel like you WANT another, I’d say it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first two years of the second child's life are tough, so just plan those out carefully with a nanny or whatever support system you can muster. Once you have a plan, it's easier. Once the kid turns 2, and even moreso once they turn 3, it's mentally and physically about as hard as one (in my experience). There is more logistics/shuttling to activities, but other than that it evens out because they do occasionally play together. We were on the fence and love having two now. They are 4 years apart, girl then boy. Good luck, OP!

But you never know what it would have been like to have had one 7 year old, right? Our friends with one elementary kid have it MUCH easier than we do, and probably ever will.

True but I do know that one 7 year old and one 3 year old is not that much harder than one 4 year old. Of course no one should be pressured into having a second (or first or third ) kid, I was just a sharing my perspective. There’s also no guarantee you won’t have an SN child but there are no guarantees in life generally so if you feel like your first would benefit from having a sibling and you feel like you WANT another, I’d say it’s worth it.

NP.
I do think a 7 and 3 year old is much harder than one 4 year old. And I definitely think two teens is harder than one. I also don’t feel like it’s solely about what you want - I’d have had four kids if I thought about it that way! There are a lot of other dynamics in play, from the physical toll on your body for another pregnancy to finances to managing to provide the best life you can for each child you bring into the world.

[Anonymous]

My choice to have a second was purely because I wanted another kid. I don't think it's fair to make an argument about a hypothetical sibling relationship or who is going to take on caregiving roles in adulthood. I am really grateful that currently my two children love each other very much. I chose to wait a while between kids and then ended up having multiple miscarriages so we have a much bigger age Gap than I had planned but I'm so grateful I decided to have two, I feel so much joy and love and my family feels complete

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 7 year old and haven’t felt exhausted in years. Plenty of time to spend with my daughter, spouse, and my own hobbies. Of course it’s worth it when the child is already here, but I really wish more women would consider stopping with one if they’re on the fence and mostly going forward because two kids is the social norm.

Plenty of people who only have one child struggle - kid may have special needs, be a poor sleeper, have behavior problems, etc. You sound smug and that’s annoying. It’s also incorrect to assume many people want 2 kids because of it being a social norm. That says more about you and your insecurity with your choice than other people. Why are you even on this thread trying to justify it?

NP. I am a mom of two but you sound nasty. PP is 100% correct that life is easier with one (logistically, financially, professionally), and more people should be at peace with that instead of stretching themselves thin to have that perfect family of 4.

[Anonymous]

Mom here of one and done. I had an easy pregnancy and then got pre-E and had really difficult birth at the very end. DH nearly missed the birth (think military deployment) and it was just all around horrible. Then the pandemic hit a couple months after.

I'm done having kids despite always having pictured 2 kids. I'm ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I were having this conversation many years ago (kids are 7 and 10 now) we wound up in a conversation with a friend who is an only child who was at that time dealing with parents who were aging and one wound up dying shortly thereafter. She had to deal with it all by herself and shared how hard it was being the only child not just to carry on those memories but also to deal with the logistics of the whole situation.

My point being, the baby/toddler years are short in comparison to their whole lives. My two boys are very close (made closer by spending so much time together the past 2 years) and I'm so grateful that they have each other.

This ^^

I would say this same sentiment was probably one of our biggest motivators for having a second. They will always have each other even after we’re gone.

I love my brother, but my best friend and spouse have been much bigger sources of emotional support during hard life stages than him.

Having kids for altruistic reasons is a bad idea IMO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I were having this conversation many years ago (kids are 7 and 10 now) we wound up in a conversation with a friend who is an only child who was at that time dealing with parents who were aging and one wound up dying shortly thereafter. She had to deal with it all by herself and shared how hard it was being the only child not just to carry on those memories but also to deal with the logistics of the whole situation.

My point being, the baby/toddler years are short in comparison to their whole lives. My two boys are very close (made closer by spending so much time together the past 2 years) and I'm so grateful that they have each other.

This ^^

I would say this same sentiment was probably one of our biggest motivators for having a second. They will always have each other even after we’re gone.

I love my brother, but my best friend and spouse have been much bigger sources of emotional support during hard life stages than him.

Having kids for altruistic reasons is a bad idea IMO

+1. That’s what my mother always said to us as kids. Sister has mental health issues that make it impossible to form a close adult relationship and make every challenging life event so much harder. I cringe whenever I hear people talk this way.