I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave in to naming my son a name I don't like. It has always been a given that if we had a boy he would be named after his dad, who is the 4th to have the same name. I wasn't willing to fight against the tradition which was a huge deal for my husband. However I did strongly insist on his going by a nickname. I came up with a list of like 12 potential nicknames I liked and said I don't care what you pick, but I want to call him by a nickname. His family was slightly disappointed but not too much. To my annoyance someone decided it would be cute to double his nickname (think MikeMike), and that went on for years but seems to have finally abated.

My grandmother was pressured by her MIL to call my mother Judith. She complied, but never called my mother anything but her middle name. The next year, that same dissatisfied MIL then forced her own daughter to call her first daughter Judith as well, and that girl (my mother's cousin) did use the name.

[Anonymous]

Can the OP use two middle names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the OP should stand her ground.

Interestingly, my older sister was named using the the trendy names of the sixties. Two years later I was named after two of my four great grandmothers. My name remains classic and timeless, while no-one calls their daughters my sister's names these days and they have fallen off the SSA name top 1000 list.

Now I’m dying to know the names.

Though I think it’s irrelevant. When it comes to vintage names, there’s always good-ready-for-revival vintage, and ugly-keep-it-in-the-past vintage. I’m guessing your name isn’t Bertha, Eugenia, Heloise or any of the many, many old names that are not ripe for a return. And people always act like a trendy name that falls out of favor is a huge mistake, but it’s actually a good way to get a name people like that winds up not being overdone. For instance the name Rhiannon had a moment in the 70s/80s but then fell way out of favor and now it’s a pretty and unusual name. Trendy names can actually hit the perfect sweet spot of recognizable but not too common.

The two names they skipped using were Augusta and Millie, although Millie is probably trendy in some circles. And August seems to be going strong for boys these days.

Mark Zuckerberg named his daughter Augusta.

[Anonymous]

It is crazy families insist on naming children who aren’t their own. I got this from, my DH and BIL. Then the kid would inherit some art work. Well another kid in the family already had that as a middle name and I didn’t care for the name. Then I got, this is what my FIL wants and he doesn’t ask for much…. Still no. Really crazy making when you pregnant and have lots of hormones floating around. Otherwise it is really clear who picks the kids name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy families insist on naming children who aren’t their own. I got this from, my DH and BIL. Then the kid would inherit some art work. Well another kid in the family already had that as a middle name and I didn’t care for the name. Then I got, this is what my FIL wants and he doesn’t ask for much…. Still no. Really crazy making when you pregnant and have lots of hormones floating around. Otherwise it is really clear who picks the kids name.

My mother's advice was to refrain from discussing potential names, then you avoid getting unwanted feedback. Have the baby and tell people the name after you've submitted the forms for the birth certificate. They will usually smile and say "that's nice" to your face, even if they have other thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy families insist on naming children who aren’t their own. I got this from, my DH and BIL. Then the kid would inherit some art work. Well another kid in the family already had that as a middle name and I didn’t care for the name. Then I got, this is what my FIL wants and he doesn’t ask for much…. Still no. Really crazy making when you pregnant and have lots of hormones floating around. Otherwise it is really clear who picks the kids name.

+1 My mom is bad with boundaries and definitely let's us know if she doesn't like a name idea, but even she doesn't insist on picking the name. What is wrong with these in-laws who think they have a say? They can offer a suggestion but then it's time to back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the OP should stand her ground.

Interestingly, my older sister was named using the the trendy names of the sixties. Two years later I was named after two of my four great grandmothers. My name remains classic and timeless, while no-one calls their daughters my sister's names these days and they have fallen off the SSA name top 1000 list.

Now I’m dying to know the names.

Though I think it’s irrelevant. When it comes to vintage names, there’s always good-ready-for-revival vintage, and ugly-keep-it-in-the-past vintage. I’m guessing your name isn’t Bertha, Eugenia, Heloise or any of the many, many old names that are not ripe for a return. And people always act like a trendy name that falls out of favor is a huge mistake, but it’s actually a good way to get a name people like that winds up not being overdone. For instance the name Rhiannon had a moment in the 70s/80s but then fell way out of favor and now it’s a pretty and unusual name. Trendy names can actually hit the perfect sweet spot of recognizable but not too common.

The two names they skipped using were Augusta and Millie, although Millie is probably trendy in some circles. And August seems to be going strong for boys these days.

Mark Zuckerberg named his daughter Augusta.

No, her name is August. No A at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy families insist on naming children who aren’t their own. I got this from, my DH and BIL. Then the kid would inherit some art work. Well another kid in the family already had that as a middle name and I didn’t care for the name. Then I got, this is what my FIL wants and he doesn’t ask for much…. Still no. Really crazy making when you pregnant and have lots of hormones floating around. Otherwise it is really clear who picks the kids name.

+1 My mom is bad with boundaries and definitely let's us know if she doesn't like a name idea, but even she doesn't insist on picking the name. What is wrong with these in-laws who think they have a say? They can offer a suggestion but then it's time to back off.

Let's*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is crazy families insist on naming children who aren’t their own. I got this from, my DH and BIL. Then the kid would inherit some art work. Well another kid in the family already had that as a middle name and I didn’t care for the name. Then I got, this is what my FIL wants and he doesn’t ask for much…. Still no. Really crazy making when you pregnant and have lots of hormones floating around. Otherwise it is really clear who picks the kids name.

+1 My mom is bad with boundaries and definitely let's us know if she doesn't like a name idea, but even she doesn't insist on picking the name. What is wrong with these in-laws who think they have a say? They can offer a suggestion but then it's time to back off.

Let's*

Lets*** stupid autocorrect

[Anonymous]

In my dh’s family, parents pick a name they like that starts with the same letter as the name of the loved one they’re honoring. Would that work? Your ds could have the same initials as your dh’s father.

[Anonymous]

Can you choose a first or middle name that has the same initial, like in the Jewish tradition?

[Anonymous]

Team OP. Don’t do it, OP, and don’t get pressured into it. Not for a first or middle name since you have a bad association with the name.

[Anonymous]

OP,

You didn't mention the bad association in your original post. That's important.

Can't you tell DH and your MIL about that?

Otherwise, I'm sorry, but you sound petulant.

It is your husband's baby too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You didn't mention the bad association in your original post. That's important.

Can't you tell DH and your MIL about that?

Otherwise, I'm sorry, but you sound petulant.

It is your husband's baby too.

That’s a stupid argument especially considering that the baby will already have the dads (and FIL’s) surname.

Either parent has veto power over a name they hate, that has really bad associations for them.

My rapist’s name was Benjamin Kyle (first and middle) and i would never ever use either of those names, even if it was a strong family connection. I also would never use the names Carl or Alan also for very bad associations I have w people by those names. OP has a right to not use a name that has bad associations for her and her DH should be understanding of that (and he should also be the one to communicate that to MIL)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You didn't mention the bad association in your original post. That's important.

Can't you tell DH and your MIL about that?

Otherwise, I'm sorry, but you sound petulant.

It is your husband's baby too.

That’s a stupid argument especially considering that the baby will already have the dads (and FIL’s) surname.

Either parent has veto power over a name they hate, that has really bad associations for them.

My rapist’s name was Benjamin Kyle (first and middle) and i would never ever use either of those names, even if it was a strong family connection. I also would never use the names Carl or Alan also for very bad associations I have w people by those names. OP has a right to not use a name that has bad associations for her and her DH should be understanding of that (and he should also be the one to communicate that to MIL)

+1. It’s far from petulant for one parent to veto a name.