I’m getting a lot of pressure to name my baby names I hate.

[Anonymous]

Is there a middle name from the FiL that would be a compromise? Have you talked to your dh about your bad association?

We gave my oldest my dad’s name as a middle name and it honestly has brought me comfort over the year. I didn’t push for first name bc even my dad hated his name. You should be able to talk this through (without your MiL, Obvs).

[Anonymous]

I went through nearly the exact same thing with my husband, though it was his mother who died and he wanted to name our baby after. I of course considered it, but I just straight up do not like the name. In fact, I kinda hate it. It’s just (IMHO) a boring, blah, ugly name. But my husband had his heart set on it.

It was really, really tough for us. At the end of the day, you both need full veto power. You need to find a name you both like. So I agree with you - if you don’t like the name, you don’t have to use it. Don’t let yourself get pressured to use a name you really dislike. I do think offering to use it as a middle name is a kindness and a pretty small concession. That’s what we ended up doing.

But, having been through this (it was honestly the biggest fight we’ve ever had) one thing to watch out for is how this is intertwined with your husband’s grieving process. It’s so, so hard to lose a parent, and in some ways, to do so in the shadow of having a baby (especially if it’s your first) is even harder. It’s really an emotional rollercoaster. What helped us was my husband getting into grief therapy. That gave him space to process and find other outlets for our grief. He got past it, and your husband will, too.

My in laws never were involved, it was just my husband who was obsessed with the name, but that’s the east part. If your MIL brings it up, you just say “Larlo and I are considering it” and refuse to engage, that’s easy.

Best of luck and congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your baby has 2 parents, if your dh wants a family name make it the middle name and you pick the first name.

You could just as easily say that the DH really wants to honor his father and use the name DW likes as the middle. This thread is so sexist.

No. Because the choices aren’t the grandfather’s name or the mom picks her favorite name. There are a gazillion names out there. It HAS to be mutual. Both parents have full veto power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not in my family. No one gets to add a name that either parent hates. Period.

You each have a short list. You can consult anyone you want to create it. And then you eliminate one name at a time until the last one remains, which will be the option you can both live with.

The end.

This is what we did. It's the most fair thing to do.

Did you do it in obedience to the internet shrew?

[Anonymous]

Stick to your guns, OP. This is coming from someone whose MIL gave her own kids (incl my husband lovely normal names) and thought I should name my own child Abraham. Cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not in my family. No one gets to add a name that either parent hates. Period.

You each have a short list. You can consult anyone you want to create it. And then you eliminate one name at a time until the last one remains, which will be the option you can both live with.

The end.

This is what we did. It's the most fair thing to do.

Did you do it in obedience to the internet shrew?

Same poster. I don’t mean to offend you, there’s nothing wrong with your opinion. It’s just that the post before yours was unnecessarily witchy with a B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t your baby have your FIL’s last name? That’s enough. Don’t get talked into even using the name as a middle name. There are names I truly hate and wouldn’t use as middle names.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t your baby have your FIL’s last name? That’s enough. Don’t get talked into even using the name as a middle name. There are names I truly hate and wouldn’t use as middle names.

+1. I hate the names Keith and Wayne. I wouldn’t name a boy either no matter what!

I think that's sad and disrespective to the father and the father's family. It's a middle name. Who cares? My cousin used the middle name Herman for her son because it was a family name. That is kind of the point of middle names.

The father and his family almost certainly are passing their family name onto the baby. Is that not enough? The kid has to get his entire name from them even if his mom really doesn't like them? And you think the father's family is being disrespected here? What the heck.

Women are not just incubators for the father's family legacy. They are people and parents and they are actually allowed to have a say in this. FFS.

Brain wave: what if OP and her DH find a name they both like? Seems like the best possible compromise.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t your baby have your FIL’s last name? That’s enough. Don’t get talked into even using the name as a middle name. There are names I truly hate and wouldn’t use as middle names.

+1. I hate the names Keith and Wayne. I wouldn’t name a boy either no matter what!

I think that's sad and disrespective to the father and the father's family. It's a middle name. Who cares? My cousin used the middle name Herman for her son because it was a family name. That is kind of the point of middle names.

A lot of murderers seemed to have the middle name Wayne. https://freakonomics.com/2006/09/the-next-time-your-daughter-brings-home-a-new-boyfriend-be-sure-to-ask-his-middle-name/

[Anonymous]

I agree that the OP should stand her ground.

Interestingly, my older sister was named using the the trendy names of the sixties. Two years later I was named after two of my four great grandmothers. My name remains classic and timeless, while no-one calls their daughters my sister's names these days and they have fallen off the SSA name top 1000 list.

[Anonymous]

Did OP disclose the proposed name she hates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OP disclose the proposed name she hates?

Don't think so. Maybe she is concerned that her MIL hangs out on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I gave in to naming my son a name I don't like. It has always been a given that if we had a boy he would be named after his dad, who is the 4th to have the same name. I wasn't willing to fight against the tradition which was a huge deal for my husband. However I did strongly insist on his going by a nickname. I came up with a list of like 12 potential nicknames I liked and said I don't care what you pick, but I want to call him by a nickname. His family was slightly disappointed but not too much. To my annoyance someone decided it would be cute to double his nickname (think MikeMike), and that went on for years but seems to have finally abated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the OP should stand her ground.

Interestingly, my older sister was named using the the trendy names of the sixties. Two years later I was named after two of my four great grandmothers. My name remains classic and timeless, while no-one calls their daughters my sister's names these days and they have fallen off the SSA name top 1000 list.

Now I’m dying to know the names.

Though I think it’s irrelevant. When it comes to vintage names, there’s always good-ready-for-revival vintage, and ugly-keep-it-in-the-past vintage. I’m guessing your name isn’t Bertha, Eugenia, Heloise or any of the many, many old names that are not ripe for a return. And people always act like a trendy name that falls out of favor is a huge mistake, but it’s actually a good way to get a name people like that winds up not being overdone. For instance the name Rhiannon had a moment in the 70s/80s but then fell way out of favor and now it’s a pretty and unusual name. Trendy names can actually hit the perfect sweet spot of recognizable but not too common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the OP should stand her ground.

Interestingly, my older sister was named using the the trendy names of the sixties. Two years later I was named after two of my four great grandmothers. My name remains classic and timeless, while no-one calls their daughters my sister's names these days and they have fallen off the SSA name top 1000 list.

Now I’m dying to know the names.

Though I think it’s irrelevant. When it comes to vintage names, there’s always good-ready-for-revival vintage, and ugly-keep-it-in-the-past vintage. I’m guessing your name isn’t Bertha, Eugenia, Heloise or any of the many, many old names that are not ripe for a return. And people always act like a trendy name that falls out of favor is a huge mistake, but it’s actually a good way to get a name people like that winds up not being overdone. For instance the name Rhiannon had a moment in the 70s/80s but then fell way out of favor and now it’s a pretty and unusual name. Trendy names can actually hit the perfect sweet spot of recognizable but not too common.

The two names they skipped using were Augusta and Millie, although Millie is probably trendy in some circles. And August seems to be going strong for boys these days.