What is happening- drinking problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does alcoholism run in the family? My spouse swore he’d never end up like his dad. He didn’t start drinking until midlife.

Yes, what kind of use does his family of origin engage in? My dad was an alcoholic - fortunately got into recovery before he died - and as my kid grew up, we told her she had to monitor her drinking because it ran in the family. Even so, she ended up an alcoholic and fortunately is in recovery now.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is his job? Was her traveling now and then pre-pandemic? If so those business trips might have allowed him to get his fill/escape every now and then, which was made much more difficult once the pandemic set in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think he took his dog to a bar? Drank with his guy friend while walking dogs? This makes no sense.

An alcoholic may very well use these random little opportunities to binge. It’s desperation but it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily an affair.

I don't know what's going on with OP's husband, but if you have alcohol use disorder, you plan out when you can obtain alcohol and under what circumstances you can drink it.

You don't have to hit a bar. Her husband may have picked up alcohol on the way home from another errand, stashed it somewhere to access later and then drank before and after meeting up with the neighbor with the dog. Heck, he and the neighbor could have drank a little together as well.

I still think OP needs to directly speak to her husband, but sneaking around is very normal for a drinking problem.

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

[Anonymous]

Most def sounds like alcoholism. Sorry op.

We were the ones who discovered our friend’s spouse’s drinking problem. We ended up letting the friend know, and then the spouse refused to speak to us for years, until she reached out to us one time as part of her twelve steps.

She snuck alcohol whenever the opportunity arose, and also always kept a soda bottle and would spike it with odorless alcohol. When she wasn’t drinking, she would get the shakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

Good luck, OP. Please talk to someone with expertise in addiction. You could also try a physician who is board-certified in addiction medicine or addiction psychiatry. There’s good, evidence-based treatment to be had for your DH, but he has to be willing to get it, and you have to be willing to tell him it’s non-negotiable (because it’s really not negotiable when he’s gotten to the point you describe).

As for how someone gets drunk in an hour to the point of puking for two hours: hard liquor.

[Anonymous]

You sound annoying and controlling. I’s drink too. Signed - a DW.

[Anonymous]

Check the trash/recycling. My DH was in recovery when we met. But he told me one thing he would do is have 2 beers in front of his previous DW. Then after she went to bed, had 6-10 more. Then he would hid the evidence under stuff in the trash/recycling.

[Anonymous]

Tylenol is a no-no with alcohol. Bad for the liver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound annoying and controlling. I’s drink too. Signed - a DW.

Ignore this idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

As someone who experienced they lying and out of control behavior too long, getting help early intensely but in a kind way and being part of that discussion with the therapists, is probably the best way to deal with it. Once they get out of control, it's too hard to turn around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

As someone who experienced they lying and out of control behavior too long, getting help early intensely but in a kind way and being part of that discussion with the therapists, is probably the best way to deal with it. Once they get out of control, it's too hard to turn around.

NP. Does it always eventually spiral or can someone with an AUD continue high level functioning indefinitely? My H is a bottle of wine/day 365 and has been for about 10 years. Doesn’t seem to increase. Curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

As someone who experienced they lying and out of control behavior too long, getting help early intensely but in a kind way and being part of that discussion with the therapists, is probably the best way to deal with it. Once they get out of control, it's too hard to turn around.

NP. Does it always eventually spiral or can someone with an AUD continue high level functioning indefinitely? My H is a bottle of wine/day 365 and has been for about 10 years. Doesn’t seem to increase. Curious.

DP, but that level of drinking is very, very likely to cause liver and/or pancreas damage, which then forces the issue. Not always, but often. Plenty of people drink heavily and still "function" in terms of holding a steady job, maintaining marriage, etc., but the health impacts usually catch up with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Lots to think about.

As someone who experienced they lying and out of control behavior too long, getting help early intensely but in a kind way and being part of that discussion with the therapists, is probably the best way to deal with it. Once they get out of control, it's too hard to turn around.

NP. Does it always eventually spiral or can someone with an AUD continue high level functioning indefinitely? My H is a bottle of wine/day 365 and has been for about 10 years. Doesn’t seem to increase. Curious.

DP, but that level of drinking is very, very likely to cause liver and/or pancreas damage, which then forces the issue. Not always, but often. Plenty of people drink heavily and still "function" in terms of holding a steady job, maintaining marriage, etc., but the health impacts usually catch up with them.

Yes, this makes sense. He went through deep depression last year; blamed our marriage & We are now separated. I’ve indicated the drinking was a problem for me for at least 10 yrs but he was unwilling and/or unable to change. He’s walked. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP here bumping...

DH went on a work trip and I just found hidden alcohol. It's a half empty pint of peppermint schnapps. Guess that makes perfect sense to mask the smell as toothpaste or his minty body wash.