Grandparents' racist comments...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Remember that your parents are from a different generation, they may not even know all the relatively new politically correct terms

Sorry, but no. It’s not “they’re ooooold, they don’t knooooow any better.” They have lived a long life through many cultural changes, including this one, so they can and should be mature enough to know better. And they are damn well old enough to respect when a parent asks them to stop repeating the same stupid line about a child’s eyes.

Not sure if this is OP but my overall impression is that there is more at play here than the grandma inaproppriate comment. Some odd family dynamic. What is OP goal here? Encourage strangers to say how bad is her mom and how good she is?

I'm OP. Those posts above were not me.
There is a weird dynamic with my mom. Not my dad. My dad replied with a thoughtful long story about how he grew up and they're not prejudiced, and I could listen respectfully and say, "Yes, Dad. You are kind of lucky that you grew up in the countryside where people were judged on how hard they worked, not in a segregated area. I'm not saying you guys are racist, I'm saying that phrase is really racially insensitive and I would hate to have my daughter repeat it on the playground and hurt someone, the way similar comments hurt us." He's like, "Oh, okay, I didn't realize that." I explained how the pulling eyes thing is offensive too, and he LITERALLY had no idea. He didn't realize that's offensive. But he's willing to talk and discuss with empathy and care.
My mom... No. She believes we should be listening to HER. HER "generational wisdom." She is so offended that we would be "correcting" her. WE should know that that is not offensive, "People used to have a sense of humor about things," when I explain racism has hurt us on the playground (for example, girls have told my daughter she's a boy, not a girl, because her hair looks shorter when it's all curly, and my 4 year old daughter has to defend herself and her hair which pains me so badly as a white person who NEVER had to endure that kind of thing... Anyway, in all of that, when ask for just some empathy, She says, "Well, I feel SORRY for you," sorry that I "subscribe" to this worldview where racism exists. It's.... Complicated. Lol.

I needed to vent here because A) I did not want to keep the conversation going on once we'd dropped it and B) my husband is strong and confident enough to just say to me, "Yeah that's racist, but she's never going to change, that's why I don't sayy anything when I hear them say things like that." Whereas I often fall into the trap of thinking my mom might actually care enough to want to learn and grow and maybe empathize.

Also - she's a preacher. It's totally part of the dynamic. SHE knows how the world works and we should be listening to HER. Because SHE knows the real "forces of evil" in this world... It's a whole thing so yes, there's more to the story!!!

Oh LAWD a preacher. My mom is too, but a black one. Maybe she should meet your mom and she can tell her all about what God thinks about racism and his children that will not work to acknowledge and eradicate it.
Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of my inlaws calling my 8 month old “Mongol” and “Mongolian”. We’re not Mongolian. I do know people used to use the name as an insult to mean “retard” or “imbecile”. I get irritated every time I hear it.

R u sure they didn’t say, what a cute little mongrel?

That’s a fairly common cliche in English, term of endearment at least a couple decades ago. FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I realize even using the term "almond shaped" is insensitive when describing Asian eyes, but I figure it's still better than the original term she was using. I found a list of descriptors that would be make more sense to me - just describe an individual's eyes using terms like these if you really insist on commenting on their eyes:
Close-set
Wide-set
Hooded or deep-set
Prominent
Thin
Narrow
Heavy-lidded
Rounded

All of the above are more repugnant that almond shaped eyes. Pandas have almond shaped eyes. Is this racist?

Yeah, I just don't think almond-shaped eyes is a racist term. I'm 100% Caucasian and have almond shaped eyes. It's fine.

Everything’s racist in Identity Politics echo chambers.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why she is calling them Chinese if your husband is not Chinese, but assuming that is a euphemism for slanted which is just as offensive when coming from another race.

Melania's eyes were described as slanted a million times on this forum, by anyone and everyone. There's no other way to describe them without making it ridiculous.

People performing plastic surgery to get this shape ask for "fox eyes". Should we switch to to animal references just to be safe

[Anonymous]

Probably no one cares, but this is OP and I have a happy ending to this saga.
My parents went to visit other relatives for a few days, came back yesterday for one more night before flying back to their home.
We had a wonderful time together, my mom was extra sweet and just loving on our kids and not using that phrase anymore.

I honestly think she had time to reflect and realize it wasn't something to fight about. I could sense she cared, even if she didn't say anything.


I think in a nutshell, she A) has a strange worldview where she wants to believe that everyone's experiences are like hers, B) was truly just trying to compliment their eyes and didn't realize that's an offensive term, and C) HATES being corrected by her children

But, I love her, and I would bet anyone they're not going to use that phrase again without thinking about our conversations... So honestly I see this as a very positive end to this issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably no one cares, but this is OP and I have a happy ending to this saga.
My parents went to visit other relatives for a few days, came back yesterday for one more night before flying back to their home.
We had a wonderful time together, my mom was extra sweet and just loving on our kids and not using that phrase anymore.

I honestly think she had time to reflect and realize it wasn't something to fight about. I could sense she cared, even if she didn't say anything.


I think in a nutshell, she A) has a strange worldview where she wants to believe that everyone's experiences are like hers, B) was truly just trying to compliment their eyes and didn't realize that's an offensive term, and C) HATES being corrected by her children

But, I love her, and I would bet anyone they're not going to use that phrase again without thinking about our conversations... So honestly I see this as a very positive end to this issue

Maybe she is reading DCUM forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably no one cares, but this is OP and I have a happy ending to this saga.
My parents went to visit other relatives for a few days, came back yesterday for one more night before flying back to their home.
We had a wonderful time together, my mom was extra sweet and just loving on our kids and not using that phrase anymore.

I honestly think she had time to reflect and realize it wasn't something to fight about. I could sense she cared, even if she didn't say anything.


I think in a nutshell, she A) has a strange worldview where she wants to believe that everyone's experiences are like hers, B) was truly just trying to compliment their eyes and didn't realize that's an offensive term, and C) HATES being corrected by her children

But, I love her, and I would bet anyone they're not going to use that phrase again without thinking about our conversations... So honestly I see this as a very positive end to this issue

Maybe she is reading DCUM forum?

Haha, no.

[Anonymous]

Have you estranged yourself yet OP? Hopefully that will make you feel better about this evil world filled with evil, hate-filled people and relatives out to get you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you estranged yourself yet OP? Hopefully that will make you feel better about this evil world filled with evil, hate-filled people and relatives out to get you.

What? Did you not read OP's update above?

[Anonymous]

Asian here and I find the term Chinese eyes offensive. I’m in your corner, OP.