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Preschool and Daycare Discussion
Sanity check
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Anonymous
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I don't think anyone here implied DSS would or should send in the swat team. (Although for the record I am one of the posters who advocated earlier for reporting this provider, but before the trial lawyer up there emerged on the scene.) I don't think there are actually two *sides* happening in this conversation - one saying 'go after the provider with pitchforks' OR one saying 'eh, no big deal.'
Anyway. Yeah, blowouts will happen to the best of us, but this often and this bad? I'm with 19:56 - if you're not legally obligated to pay, or don't have a personal relationship with this provider, I'd be done with her. Call or email and just tell her you won't be bringing your child back. If it were me, I would let her know why - you had a serious and ongoing concern that you brought to her attention and she decided not to address, so here we are. |
Anonymous
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Well worrying about the friend is out. I tried speaking honestly with her last night and she went from asking me if I was comfortable giving the provider one more week to see if the "lighting" issue got any better, to telling me I just need to explain to the provider that it's very important to me that the baby be clean when I bring her home (which to me shouldn't need to be stated, and if I have to I've already lost), and that her kids come home with marker on their face all the time (sooooo not comparable). The conversation ended with -- you know, these things happen. To which my husband replied, "No they don't!!!" And I commented that in our defense we let it go the first four times it happened.
What can you do. She is determined that we're overreacting but that's because her relationship with the provider has been for so long. Which we think might be the problem -- provider was great with babies ten years ago, but it might be time to retire. Either way... to me it kind of feels like you're giving my heart back to me with poo all over it. And so away we go! I will let everyone know how the story plays out and when we finally get our happy ending 
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Anonymous
| p.s. -- and yes PP. That is my concern too. I'm not upset about the blowouts, it's just the frequency that's perplexing me and raising concerns in my mind. |
Anonymous
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OP you are doing the right thing by removing your baby. If you are concerned about her well being during the day - even if it is just a gut feeling - you need to remove her. Even if it is just some crazy comedy of errors in this situation, at this point you'll never feel okay leaving your baby there.
The frequency of the blow outs doesn't concern me at all. I've had entire weeks when my sons have come home in their spare outfits every single day. It is usually because of something they are eating or after a bout of constipation or something. The big difference is that my kids never come home with poop on them. And I'm certain if they did and I brought it up to my provider, she'd be horrified. I'd be interested to hear from the providers how clean they think a child needs to be to send home. Obviously no poop. But marker on the face? My kids never come home even with crusted boogers on their faces. I'm actually in awe of how clean she manages to keep them - after a few hours at home with me, they are covered in food and who knows what else. It just sounds to me like the provider has an overall lax approach to cleanliness. |
Anonymous
| Provider here, the kids should be clean when they arrive and clean when they go home. However, these are children, we will play, get dirty, cook, do crafts, go outside. Don't send them in their best outfits. I will change an outfit for one spit-up. I don't think a child should have to sit in a wet spitup stain. That's just me. That's totally separate however from what has happened here. No excuse for poop. I posted the state regs earlier. There is also a reg for lighting so there you go. You have to be able to read a 12 pt. font or it's too dark in the room. |
Anonymous
Provider here too, and I agree with the above. Never in my years have I sent a child home dressed in clothes that might have gotten spit up on, pooped on, or the like. At times, I take the shirt or outfit off the baby while I am feeding them one of those teething biscuits because they get it all over the place, and I hate having a baby be dirty. As for the toddlers and preschoolers, face, hands and bottoms are clean. Well with the preschoolers as clean as I can make sure they are wiping themselves after a trip to the bathroom, but have never had a parent yet complain of any issues there. I usually will go in after the child is done to help them but by that age they arent always keen on having that help. I remember when I used to pick my daughter up from a friend each day and finding her outfit and face filthy, smelling like cat urine. That was the end of that. It was disgusting and not the way I wanted my child cared for. After not finding anyone else I was happy with, I stayed home and started caring for others myself. A child should go home looking like they had a happy productive day, but at the same time, not covered in feces, excessive dirt or enough food on them that can tell a parent what they ate throughout the day |
Anonymous
| Since there was no contract, I would imagine that you're not legally obligated to give 2 weeks notice, but it would be nice if the provider could have some notice. She held your spot for over 6 months, right? |
Anonymous
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Even if you have a contract, you are not obligated to give her two weeks notice...it might state in a contract that if you don't give 2 weeks notice you lose your deposit.
I would not give any courtesy to a woman who treated your child this way. Believe me...she won't have the guts to sue you because she is well aware of how she is caring for these children. We want to give her notice so that she can find another child to neglect????? I would call her and tell her that you are not coming back. I did it and could have cared less about the deposit money I lost due to the way that my previous provider neglected and treated my child. And please call inspectors. Often times this can just be the tip of the iceberg. |
Anonymous
I have been there two. There were two families that stayed until the bitter end when our previous provider reached a plea deal with the state and was allowed to care for two children before they finally closed her down. They refused to believe the 10 families that accused her of abuse or neglect even though there was evidence of this for years. Some people cannot come to terms with this. Write her off and just feel badly for your former friend and her children. |
Anonymous
Wow. Someone NOT overreacting. Amazing. |
Anonymous
Oh yeah...if it was your child I am sure you would be ok with this.... |
Anonymous
You are right. I wouldn't be okay with it at all. But instead of calling CPS, I would actually check my child for cleanliness at pick up to see if she was messy, in front of the provider,BEFORE I brought her home and tactfully point out to the provider that said child was messy and I was less than thrilled about it, and see what will be done from it happening in the future. Comunication. If her "plan" was not pleasing or I was unhappy I would just pull the child immediately. Who wants to drive home with a messy child? Or maybe I misunderstood? |
Anonymous
And did you SEE the response I got? I was basically accused of thinking it was totally fine to have a provider rub a child in feces on a daily basis. That is what calm, rational thinking gets you on these boards. |
Anonymous
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Yes. I believe you've mentioned this once or twice already. You are you deeply misunderstand. You are persecuted. You, you, you.
If we could at some point let that go and return to discussing this child and a possibly negligent daycare provider. Assuming, of course, that's okay with you. |
Anonymous
AMEN |