Sanity check

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

My husband and I have our 11 week old daughter in an in-home child care center. I mostly just want to do a sanity check -- I feel really upset about what's been going on, but don't know if I'm overreacting? She's been there for three weeks now. The problems started around the beginning of week 2 when we started noticing a growing bald patch on the back of her head. I've heard this is relatively common, so I tried not to worry too much. However, twice last week, and again already her first day back this week, we've picked her up in changed clothes and the outfit she arrived in is completely ruined with poo. The provider claims she just keeps getting caught off guard by these huge, explosive poos, but we've never had this problem with our LO at home. She's also come home once or twice with mess still on her back, on her foot, in cracks it shouldn't be, etc.

Am I overreacting to feel like this shouldn't be happening? Otherwise we're relatively happy... but right now I just feel like that's a very big otherwise. I know babies are difficult to manage, particuarly when there's more than one. I just don't know if I'm expecting too much to get a clean baby back -- in the clothes she left in at least most of the time. I understand an accident here and there, but she's had her clothes returned to us completely ruined three out of the last four days.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My DS is a little older, but not much, and comes home with a different outfit b/c of poop around once a week. Its pretty gross, but he doesn't complain when he goes - he would happily sit in it for hours - so I assume it is taking his caregivers a little time to realize what happened and get him changed, which is why messes are occurring. They clean his body up great though - there should be no mess on your baby. I'd ask about that for sure. As for outfits, eh, you can always buy other ones.

[Anonymous]

In all my years of providing care, I have never had blowouts where I sent the clothes home almost everyday completely ruined (I usually throw clothes in my washer with non scented soap and then use the outfit as the spare. Nobody has complained about this. Only time i have sent them home is when I have no other laundry to wash, and then I apologize for this because I hate doing it). I care for my 10 mo grandson, and my daughter had a time finding the right diaper. She would tell me he would poop and it would go up his back. I thought maybe she wasnt changing him often enough until a couple times he did it to me and then it was up his back. I am anal and will check my kids every 2 hours. Not to say they are changed, because I am not going to waste a diaper if it is still dry, but making sure they havent messed themself. I too have had kids who will happily sit in the mess. Not only that but how can a provider go without being able to smell it? I can smell it a mile away.

As for finding she is still dirty with poo, that is unacceptable and a health issue. Either they dont know how to change a diaper properly, or too lazy to do it the right way. I Would be more upset over that than I would be with the soiled clothes, because that is bound to happen. Is it possible she just isnt noticing she is dirty still? rushed? this is why I try to keep just one baby at a time because I do not like the idea of shortchanging another infant because I am busy caring for another!!

I would ask the provider how often she is changing diapers. I would also mention how you have found her when you are changing her at home. NO parent should go pick their child up from care to find them dirty like that. I hate sending kids home with dirty clothes after playing hard outside, but there are times they have been because they have either been through their spare clothes or they go home right from the yard where they are playing when picked up.

I hope you are able to resolve this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

They definitely should be cleaning her better and trying to change her more often. They could also still be trying to get used to her schedule and when she normally poops. To have her come home in a different outfit is totally understandable and very common. If she's having lots of blow outs, the diaper could be too small. Try using a bigger size. I don't think the provider is required to clean the clothes. Sometimes my daycare provider will rinse them out, sometimes she won't and just puts them in a bag for us. Just talk to your daycare provider what you're seeing.

As for the bald spot, that's normal because your daughter is sleeping on her back. She might look like she has a mullet depending on the pattern of hair loss!! My kids had this and it looked funny.

[Anonymous]

Both my children went to daycare as infants.

Both of them had blowout phases where it seemed like every day they would come home in a different outfit and I would be handed a bag of poopy clothes. The law in MoCo is that providers are not supposed to wash it out of clothes but should bag it and send it home. The reason is that the providers shouldn't be handling poops more than absolutely necessary to avoid disease spread. They really should just be cleaning your child and leaving the rest to you. This policy has been consistent in the few centers that we've used.

Personally I think it's a coincidence that your child hit a blowout phase at the same time they started child care. Try moving them him up a diaper size and see if that helps. If not, don't worry...when your child gets on more solids the poops will firm up a bit and won't fly out the back as easily.

As far as the bald spot...that's completely normal and I wouldn't worry about it. It'll go away once your little one gets better at sitting upright and in tummy time, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think getting dirty clothes back is normal and to be expected but getting a dirty baby is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think getting dirty clothes back is normal and to be expected but getting a dirty baby is not.

I agree......

However, I can see that on a very rare occasion a bit of poop high up on the back may be missed. If it continues to happen find new care.

[Anonymous]

our daycare changes DS nearly every day--because he is a messy eater, not so much b/c of poop. Yes, they should be cleaning her better and ask how often she gets changed. On theo ther hand. blow outs are common. Once we went up a diaper size (even though he wasn't yet at the lower weight for it) blowouts reduced greatly.

bald spo happens--check the sheets of the crib at home too. ours lost hair from 10 -14 weeks and then it stopped, his bald spot matches his dad's.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs, and just wanted to chime in to say this: be reasonable, but don't ignore your gut instinct either. If you really are feeling like your baby is not getting enough attention on a daily basis from your provider, and things don't get better after you've raised your concerns with your provider, you should start looking for other childcare.

[Anonymous]

I would be very troubled. Yes, blow outs are common but there is no reason your DD should have poop on her when you get her home. If it were a once in a while occurrence, that would be one thing. But, if it is a regular occurrence the provider is simply not cleaning her properly.

Also, while I agree that the bald spot is normal, it could also be a sign that your DD is simply lying on her back the entire day. Not saying that is definitely the case, but it could be. I would make sure your DD is having adequate tummy time, being held, etc.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you provide the diapers, can you go check the stock to count them in the morning and estimate how often your baby is being changed? The change of clothes is no big deal to me but if my child were not cleaned properly on more than one occassion, I'd have a serious talk with the provider. You should drop in unannounced one day to keep them on their toes.

[Anonymous]

Have you done an unannounced drop in? Might be time to do one. I don't like the sounds of what you are telling us here.

[Anonymous]

She's also come home once or twice with mess still on her back, on her foot, in cracks it shouldn't be, etc

.


Trust your gut and find a new daycare. In all the years my kids have been in daycare (I have two kids 3 years apart, so that's 6 years of daycare between the two of them) I have ONCE had my daughter come home with mess in cracks where it shouldn't be, and I reported it to the director, with some hesitation. She addressed it right away and it never happened again. It shows profound disrespect to a child to not properly clean them up. There is no excuse for this and you are NOT over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all SO much for the great feedback. I really appreciate it. You've helped me get things in perspective, and most of all I think that I have to just trust my instincts and if I'm feeling uncomfortable there's probably a very good reason for it and it's time to reevaluate. It's just so hard going back to square one again. And as a Mom I never know when I'm overreacting or expecting too much when I know that I'll never feel like anyone cares for her as well as I do.

But I do feel that it's a bit much to have her coming home dirty. And she doesn't seem overwhelmingly happy either, although it can be hard to tell at this age if that's genuine or just the separation in general. At home with us she's usually a very happy and exuberant baby -- lots of chattering and smiles. And then during the week she tends to be a bit more withdrawn. So I do worry very much that she's just laying on her back or in a bouncer somewhere staring into space. Or again... maybe I'm just paranoid.

Either way, I think we'll speak with the provider about the mess problem and in the meantime at least start exploring other options. Ugh!

[Anonymous]

p.s. -- the provider takes care of the diapers, but this is bothering me too. We have had to bump her up recently to Stage 2s although weight wise she hasn't technically exceeded the limit for Stage 1s. But they're just too snug to be totally effective anymore. Provider thinks this might be the problem with the blow outs but yet is still apparently trying to get ride of the Stage 1s she has since that's what the baby came home in yesterday after blowout #4. So in my opinion I feel like -- while I know blowouts aren't uncommon, three out of four days is a bit much if there are things you could be doing to try to prevent them.

On days when my husband picks up he usually calls to let her know that he's coming since it can be unpredictable -- so I think one day next week he may claim that his battery died on his cell phone. Thanks for the great suggestion on the unannounced drop in!