Sanity check

[Anonymous]

Op, on the smaller point, I do suggest trying the larger diaper. We always had to move our kids up to larger diaper sizes before they hit the maximum in th4e old size, usually after being warned by explosive poop.

As a side note, just wait until your little one gets old enough for the exersaucer and other toys that they rest in...those just channel the poop up towards the neck. Gross now, but you'll ll laugh in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:p.s. -- the provider takes care of the diapers, but this is bothering me too. We have had to bump her up recently to Stage 2s although weight wise she hasn't technically exceeded the limit for Stage 1s. But they're just too snug to be totally effective anymore. Provider thinks this might be the problem with the blow outs but yet is still apparently trying to get ride of the Stage 1s she has since that's what the baby came home in yesterday after blowout #4. So in my opinion I feel like -- while I know blowouts aren't uncommon, three out of four days is a bit much if there are things you could be doing to try to prevent them.

On days when my husband picks up he usually calls to let her know that he's coming since it can be unpredictable -- so I think one day next week he may claim that his battery died on his cell phone. Thanks for the great suggestion on the unannounced drop in!

Please don't call her before you pick up the child. Is this her policy? I know that your husand is trying to be considerate but you should be able to walk in there at any time to go and get your child.

My son went to a home daycare when he was a baby that was shut down by the state due to numerous problems. Some of the things that you are talking about sound very familiar to me.

Please go in there unannouced, see what is going on and try to find alternate care.

She should not be using the old diapers if you told her to use the new ones. This shows lack of care for your baby. I worry that your poor child is sitting in dirty diapers all day.

[Anonymous]

Ditto ditto ditto-- go in unannounced!! We are in a center and they are VERY VERY welcoming/open to people coming in ANYTIME. And parents do. Maybe it's a little different w/ a home daycare but I would definitely arrive at few varying times for pickup without calling. The cleanliness thing would be what really bothered me. I leave a few changes of clothes at daycare and from time to time he does come home in a new outfit, so I feel this is normal but I would be disturbed about the cleanliness. In fact, my daycare probably tends to change clothes when I wouldn't (spilled water, etc)- they are very particular about keeping the kids clean/dry- often insisting on changing the diaper at pickup, etc. Do you get a record of how many diaper changes, what they were, and the time? I would ask for this if you are not getting it and you can compare to what your baby's habits are at home.

[Anonymous]

TRUST YOUR GUT!! She's obviously not getting the care that she needs or your paying for. Find a new one if you can. Always always always trust your gut when it comes to your baby. You know when something isn't right!!

[Anonymous]

Just a quick update -- she came home today after yet another blowout with mess crusted on her leg, her cheeks, cracks and crevices, you name it. So it's official, we're on the hunt. The problem is, how do I live with myself until we can find another option? I've never felt like more of a failure -- there's nothing like letting down your own child when they have no way of defending themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a quick update -- she came home today after yet another blowout with mess crusted on her leg, her cheeks, cracks and crevices, you name it. So it's official, we're on the hunt. The problem is, how do I live with myself until we can find another option? I've never felt like more of a failure -- there's nothing like letting down your own child when they have no way of defending themselves.

You are doing the right thing...and I have been in your shoes and our situation involved neglect and abuse with a provider who was licensed and in business for 20 years. She has now been shut down by the state of VA. And she was shut down because several parents including myself called the VA inspector and reported her. VA knew there were problems with this provider they just never had enough evidence. Well...when a group of us called they finally had enough evidence.

Here is my advice to you...first don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault, you have nothing to compare it to and it sounds like she was not there for a long time.

Talk to everyone you know about finding another spot somewhere. I was able to get another spot within 48 hours of knowing we needed to leave our situation.

If she comes home with another blow out this week as you decribed...take photos.

If you get another spot...walk away from your deposit and don't give 2 weeks notice. This was one of the most telling things in our case. Have your husband go in with you and tell her this is your last day.

Once you are gone call the licensing agent. Don't feel badly and don't hesitate.

Good luck and hugs!

[Anonymous]

Yuck! Poor baby. Poor mama. Can you afford to pull her out right away while you look for a better arrangement? Family in the area? Temporary nanny or nanny share? If you explain your situation, maybe a friend with a nanny might agree to share just until you find something else.

I would be absolutely sure to tell this daycare why you're pulling your child out, and consider calling someone in to investigate. Poop all over like that is beyond gross - it's a health hazard.

[Anonymous]

Took your advice on talking to everyone I know and think we've found someone who's actually right across the street from my parents -- which would be perfect for back-up, emergency pickups, keeping an eye on things, etc. We're meeting with her this weekend and she has an *almost* immediate opening. Now tell me why I still feel awful and guilty about breaking the news to current provider and pulling her out of there after she had saved us a spot and such.

I had a talk with her about the situation this morning, and was even more astounded at the fact that she didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal -- no sorries, no it will never happen agains. Just -- oh really? Oh the light must have been bad. sigh... and another ruined outfit came home tonight (even though my husband and I have never had so much as ONE blow out). But yet I still feel BAD. I guess this is what being a mom means. Fighting for your LO at all costs and not worrying as much as you used to about stepping on people's feelings if it's your baby on the line.

Thank you all SO much for the amazing help and support on this one.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree you need to find a new daycare situation. The provider should be able to adequately clean your baby, and there is really no good reason for her to repeatedly fail to do so.

I will say that I agree with the other posters who said the bald patch on the back of the head is totally normal and very age-appropriate. They wear the hair off the back of their heads when they are laying down and looking around, and they don't have to be laying down excessively for that to happen.

Also - blow outs aren't that unusual, especially at this age. My kids started having major blowouts at around 9-10 weeks. It was a stage that lasted a few weeks for each of them. It was so routine for them at that age that I actually think it is some sort of digestive development thing.

But it is totally wrong for her to fail to clean your child. I don't care how big the blow out is . . . she should be able to wipe it all up and even rinse off the outfit for you. I would definitely leave, and tell her why you are leaving. I don't know that I'd call the state over these issues, though.

[Anonymous]

I'm a provider and I say call the state. Sorry but it's in the rules and regs of VA that children must be cleaned completely after a diaper change.

VIRGINIA DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES Page 17 of 32
MINIMUM STANDARDS FOR LICENSED FAMILY DAY HOMES
22VAC 40-110-10 et seq. 11/93
...
2. During each diaper change the child's genital area shall be thoroughly cleaned with a moist disposable wipes or a moist, clean individually assigned cloth, if the child is allergic to disposabal wipes.

And the NEW regs that take effect July 1, 2010

22 VAC 40-111-690. Diapering and toileting.

B. When a child's clothing or diaper becomes wet or soiled, the child shall be cleaned and changed immediately.
C. During each diaper change or after toileting accidents, the child's genital area shall be thoroughly cleaned with a moist disposable wipe or a moist, clean individually assigned cloth, if the child is allergic to disposable wipes.


OP where are you located? If you are looking in Fairfax/Chantilly please post again. I do agree that the bald spot at this age is quite normal. However the diapering issue is not and the flippant attitude isn't either.

Also OP, try making a paste out of Oxyclean, you can get a lot of set in stains out with that.

[Anonymous]

What this woman is doing is child neglect, please do not feel badly about calling the inspectors on her.

If she is going this to your child, she is probably doing this to others and she will continue unless someone does something about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What this woman is doing is child neglect, please do not feel badly about calling the inspectors on her.

If she is going this to your child, she is probably doing this to others and she will continue unless someone does something about this.

Exactly...

Think of it as protecting other babies....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally agree you need to find a new daycare situation. The provider should be able to adequately clean your baby, and there is really no good reason for her to repeatedly fail to do so.

I will say that I agree with the other posters who said the bald patch on the back of the head is totally normal and very age-appropriate. They wear the hair off the back of their heads when they are laying down and looking around, and they don't have to be laying down excessively for that to happen.

Also - blow outs aren't that unusual, especially at this age. My kids started having major blowouts at around 9-10 weeks. It was a stage that lasted a few weeks for each of them. It was so routine for them at that age that I actually think it is some sort of digestive development thing.

But it is totally wrong for her to fail to clean your child. I don't care how big the blow out is . . . she should be able to wipe it all up and even rinse off the outfit for you. I would definitely leave, and tell her why you are leaving. I don't know that I'd call the state over these issues, though.

Sorry to be crude, but they're sending her baby home covered in shit. To my mind, that unquestionably goes over the line. OP, I hope you will call someone. You've brought this to the director's attention and she was unresponsive. As PP said, poop on her face, in her creases is so much more than "gross." It's unhealthy to her and every other child in that day care. If it's all over your baby, it's gotta be everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to be crude, but they're sending her baby home covered in shit. To my mind, that unquestionably goes over the line. OP, I hope you will call someone. You've brought this to the director's attention and she was unresponsive. As PP said, poop on her face, in her creases is so much more than "gross." It's unhealthy to her and every other child in that day care. If it's all over your baby, it's gotta be everywhere.

You are being a little over dramatic. Yes, the provider is wrong. Yes, OP should withdraw her child. Fine, call DSS on the provider if it makes you all feel better. You know what will happen? The state, if they have time, might send someone to remind the provider to wipe the kids up a bit better. This is not a life-or-death situation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to be crude, but they're sending her baby home covered in shit. To my mind, that unquestionably goes over the line. OP, I hope you will call someone. You've brought this to the director's attention and she was unresponsive. As PP said, poop on her face, in her creases is so much more than "gross." It's unhealthy to her and every other child in that day care. If it's all over your baby, it's gotta be everywhere.

You are being a little over dramatic. Yes, the provider is wrong. Yes, OP should withdraw her child. Fine, call DSS on the provider if it makes you all feel better. You know what will happen? The state, if they have time, might send someone to remind the provider to wipe the kids up a bit better. This is not a life-or-death situation.

Are you kidding? While this is not a life and death situation, it is child neglect from somebody who is licensed by the state to provide child care. She should absolutely be reported to the state for running her child care center in this way.

Sending a child home covered in shit is a very big deal, and the PP was not being overdramatic at all.