Sanity check

[Anonymous]

Huh? Where did I call names?

I stand by my opinion. The tone of her post was that we were being "over dramatic," this was "not a life or death situation," and thus, we were blowing it way out proportion. I strongly disagree. A number of posters suggested that OP call the licensing authorities. That's it. It wasn't like we told her to burn the place down.

Sorry, but I think the tone of YOUR post is really attacking. This is very argumentative. All the use of quotation marks, how snarky can you get?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the PP you're referring to, but I think some of us were a little... wowed by 11:50's big shrug and assertion that a baby coming home repeatedly with poop all over her isn't really such a big deal and that reporting this provider is "over dramatic."

I happen to agree that it's, at a minimum, unsanitary and worth a call to the state.

I'm calling you on this post. Show me exactly where any PP in this thread said "a baby coming home repeatedly with poop all over her isn't really such a big deal." Show me that. Cut and paste the post you are referring to. If you can't show it (and I know you can't, because IT IS NOT THERE), go find something else to do with your time other than try to pick fights and call people names for no good reason whatsoever.

Huh? Where did I call names?

I stand by my opinion. The tone of her post was that we were being "over dramatic," this was "not a life or death situation," and thus, we were blowing it way out proportion. I strongly disagree. A number of posters suggested that OP call the licensing authorities. That's it. It wasn't like we told her to burn the place down.

No. I'm still waiting for you to show me a post where PP said "a baby coming home repeatedly with poop all over her isn't really such a big deal." That is what you accused PP of saying. Stop trying to shift the debate to "well, she really just hurt my feelings with her tone." You accused PP of saying something she never said. You are wrong.

Um. Since you've burst into flames it appears you're no longer reading. I have a concern that this daycare is engaging in unsanitary, unhealthy practices. Your interest has become putting me on trial. Sorry, not interested.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I'll take that as your acknowledgment that you were wrong and cannot point to anywhere where PP said "a baby coming home repeatedly with poop all over her isn't really a big deal."

[Anonymous]

Both of you go to your rooms and be quiet. The grownups are trying to have a discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Huh? Where did I call names?

I stand by my opinion. The tone of her post was that we were being "over dramatic," this was "not a life or death situation," and thus, we were blowing it way out proportion. I strongly disagree. A number of posters suggested that OP call the licensing authorities. That's it. It wasn't like we told her to burn the place down.

Sorry, but I think the tone of YOUR post is really attacking. This is very argumentative. All the use of quotation marks, how snarky can you get?

Interesting question. What do YOU use when you're quoting someone?

[Anonymous]

Interesting question. What do YOU use when you're quoting someone?

At the very least, I think you should use actual words that a poster said. PP used "quotations" to imply PP said something she never said, which is what started the silly fight.

[Anonymous]

15:20 is correct, like it or not.

[Anonymous]

15:20 has probably written 10 of the last 15 posts.

[Anonymous]

Is it safe to come out now?

OP, if by chance you're still reading, I'd be interested to hear what comes of this.

[Anonymous]

Haha! I was wondering the same thing. This is OP!

And if anyone is still tuned in I do have some questions / want to see what everyone thinks about a few things from here. This is my work from home day, so fortunately I didn't have to worry about taking her to day care today. We have a meeting with the potential new provider on Sunday -- hopefully things will go well. I have references and was very impressed when speaking with her over the phone. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

The new provider has a spot opening up week after next. However, I REALLY don't want to take my LO back to the old provider. Not for one more day. My husband, mom, and I think we can work something out to cover next week, but what (if any) are my notice and financial obligations to the old provider at this point? She never asked for a deposit from us -- I found her through a friend who's used her for both of her kids for a combination of something like nine years now. She did hold us a spot for about six months during pregnancy and maternity leave -- which is the part I guess I feel bad about since we'll be walking away after only a month. Do I owe her two weeks notice? I can't imagine having my kid there for another two weeks just on protocol. But in that case, do I owe her two weeks pay even if my kid isn't going to be there? We can't really afford to pay somebody for nothing very easily -- especially after all of this, it just doesn't seem right on principal. Plus my husband is going to have to take a day or two without pay to stay home with the baby this week (since he used up all the time he had on paternity leave). Bottom line, what are my obligations here? I'll do whatever I have to do to do the right thing I guess. I just don't know what that is under the circumstances. What I'd really like to do is just call her up Sunday night if all goes well with the new provider and simply tell her we won't be coming back. But I don't know if that's fair or not....

[Anonymous]

p.s. -- Friday was another "clothes come home in a plastic bag" day. Funny, I've been home with her all day today and we've had a couple of big whammys, but not so much as a smidge of leak or anything remotely close to ruining another pair of pants. Her track record with us remains at goose egg for having accidents like these. But last week at day care was 4 for 4. My only guess is that she just wasn't ever being changed until they overflowed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd even think about just telling her today. And I might do it in an email, saying that the baby repeatedly coming home covered in poop, despite your pointing it out, is a health hazard and the reason you are leaving. If you don't like the place on Sunday you will just find another place, not go back. I'm fairly sure a lot of bad care practices are going on there and that your baby was being left on her back in dirty diapers a lot. YOU are not the person who should feel bad, that would be the provider.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you sign any sort of contract? If you signed a contract, it probably specifies what sort of notice you are obligated to give. Even if it is 2 weeks notice, you don't have to actually send your child there for those weeks, she will just want the pay.

If you had no contract, you are free to leave any time you want and you are not legally obligated to pay her anything.

Since she's a provider for one of your friends, and you feel some personal/moral obligation to give her notice out of the kindness of your heart, that is up to you - but I really don't think you are legally obligated here. Are you worried that leaving with no notice and no extra pay will cause a rift between you and your friend?

On the blow out issue, don't get too smug about your personal record just yet. You WILL have major blow outs, and you will be shocked how much of your baby gets covered. If the provider really wasn't changing the baby until the diapers were overflowing, she'd almost certainly be developing some pretty serious diaper rash by now.

[Anonymous]

OMG ladies. I'm 20:20. I'm a little shocked over everything people have suggested I said and how my words have been interpreted. For the lady who doesn't know "what's wrong with me," thanks a lot.

For the record, I do think OP should remove her baby, and I feel I have been very clear on that point. I also think the provider is wrong for being unable to properly clean a child after a bowel movement, and I know I stated that several times quite clearly. And I still maintain my position that I wouldn't call DSS to report this. Nowhere did I encourage OP not to do so, I just said I wouldn't do it if it were me. And when I said I'm sure DSS will give the complaint the attention it deserves, I meant just that - I'm sure the people that work there will process it accordingly, according to whatever process they have in place. Those of you who interpreted this phrase to be some nefarious attack or have some malicious double meaning need to find something better to do with your time than combing through posts to find a reason to attack someone you disagree with. And as the other posts pointed out, I sure as hell never said that a provider sending a child home with feces crusted to her body was no big deal. The poster who accused me of that completely invented that based on her apparent psychic abilities to read the "real" meaning behind my very clear statements.

However, those of you who are making a really big deal out of this need to understand that DSS gets lots of complaints every single day. Really awful things, like children being physically and sexually abused (yes, in daycares), children in harm of imminent and serious physical danger at daycare, unlicensed centers with frightening ratios, providers medicating children to make them sleep - I could go on and on, I have friends who work for DSS and it is really horrifying how overworked they are and how many horrid complaints they have to deal with every single day. It is my personal belief that DSS is not going to send out a swat team of inspectors to surround the OP's provider and close the center based on some crusted feces. They at most would eventually send someone out, who would probably not find anything, and that would be that. If it makes OP feel better to spend her time and DSS's time, then more power to her. And for the crazy poster who is going to try to interpret what I "really" mean, let me be clear. I am NOT telling OP not to call. I have NEVER told OP not to call.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, wasn't trying to be smug at all! I know it's totally understandable for it to happen, I'm just not sure why it's happening so much. When it doesn't happen at all at home. Or I have several guesses, but none of them indicate good things happening. Apologies though, didn't meant to imply anything negative. I know blow outs happen.