Update: No, it's not abandonment (fact vs fiction)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may not be legal abandonment, but it could be really compelling to a judge if your child cries to the GAL about how mom disappeared for a month and he’s afraid she will do it again so guess afraid to live with her and wants to be with dad. Spousal support plus child support is going to hurt.

Spousal support is nonexistent.

A SAHP in Virginia who has provided full time care for your child so you could pursue your career? What compelling reason is there to deny spousal support?

I don’t agree with it, I just haven’t seen any of my SHAM friends ever get spousal support so I’m guessing it would be the same for a male SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do what you need to do, don't think of DCUM as any kind of steady moral compass, it's a cess pit of vipers. Keep your own counsel.

Ha! Excellent description of this website

How cute that you think you and Op are different than the rest of us. Sorry, fellow viper. You are one of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Funny how everyone is saying now it's "moral" abandonment. Check the last thread. No one was saying that. Nice try. Can't admit you are just wrong? Also, I've been gone for work trips many time. My kid is fine. Hello...my husband stays at home! Wow, you people are clueless.

Perhaps next time don't preach what you don't know.

I think the "I travel for work" rationalization only works if your husband is willing to lie for you. So, yes, if your husband will lie to your child and tell them you are on a work trip, then it's no harm no foul.

Can you ask him to do that?

Well, you lie for your child, not for your spouse. Or you could be like the above poster that listens to her child crying himself to sleep and thinks about how bad that ought to make her ex-husband feel.

I would defer to the therapists in the room, but this seems like an astoundingly bad idea to me. The truth will eventually come out and then the kids will think that both adults are liars, which means that all adults are liars by the logic of children.

Wouldn't it be better to have one parent that didn't lie?

No. The truth won’t come out. Children don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of adult relationships. All they need to know is that it isn’t about them. Children tend to believe that they are the center of the world and everything is about them.

Telling them that their dad is away for work and making up a ton of specifics would be weird and lying, but vaguely saying that dad is away because he has some work that he needs to do is fine.
And what are you going to say that’s the “truth” anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becoming a mother is like joining a gang: brutal initiation, new family which comes first, lifetime commitment, and death is the only way out,

There is only one way out of this op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few weeks ago I posted here asking for how I should approach telling my husband I wanted a one month break from him and (by force) our kid (because he's the stay at home parent and our kid is older so it's not like I'm leaving a baby). I wanted time to think about our marriage. I am the person who works and supports the family. My thread turned into a hate fest of: By doing this you are abandoning your family!!!

I had a consult with the divorce firm Livesay & Myers this week. They confirmed it is NOT abandonment! 1) I am still paying for everyone's living expenses. 2) I am returning. 3) There is communication of when I will be leaving and returning.

For all you "know it all" people who think you "know" the law. You do not. Have a nice day.

Why are you posting private conversations you had with your attorneys publicly. Don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not calling it abandonment still won't stop your husband from using it against you if you end up divorcing and child custody has to be decided. You don't necessarily have to call a thing a thing in court. Mom left for a month is quite enough for the judge.

The husband cannot use it as "abandonment" because it's not. The attorney clarified. Also, if the OP consulted with an attorney there are records to indicate this was brought up and confirmed by the attorney prior to asking for a "break from the marriage". A judge would have that information during discovery.

I post the bolded. My attorney presented to the judge (in VA) how I cared for our child, I'm pretty sure if it was added that the spouse left the marriage for a month it would've added greater impact. The word abandonment doesn't have to be used at all when you're breaking down time spent with the child and who is primarily responsible for the needs of the child. As in most cases these days, we have split custody, but I have primary residency. My ex-spouse pays child support because of the latter. That was my point.