Update: No, it's not abandonment (fact vs fiction)

[Anonymous]

Not calling it abandonment still won't stop your husband from using it against you if you end up divorcing and child custody has to be decided. You don't necessarily have to call a thing a thing in court. Mom left for a month is quite enough for the judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few weeks ago I posted here asking for how I should approach telling my husband I wanted a one month break from him and (by force) our kid (because he's the stay at home parent and our kid is older so it's not like I'm leaving a baby). I wanted time to think about our marriage. I am the person who works and supports the family. My thread turned into a hate fest of: By doing this you are abandoning your family!!!

I had a consult with the divorce firm Livesay & Myers this week. They confirmed it is NOT abandonment! 1) I am still paying for everyone's living expenses. 2) I am returning. 3) There is communication of when I will be leaving and returning.

For all you "know it all" people who think you "know" the law. You do not. Have a nice day.

Np I feel sad that you feel that you have to post back here to get approval? or a comeback to people you don't know and really don't care what you do.

[Anonymous]

I had a consult with the divorce firm Livesay & Myers this week. They confirmed it is NOT abandonment! 1) I am still paying for everyone's living expenses. 2) I am returning. 3) There is communication of when I will be leaving and returning.

For all you "know it all" people who think you "know" the law. You do not. Have a nice day.

What a shocker that an anonymous internet forum did not provide you with high quality legal advice. I had expected that DCUM would eventually put most local family law firms out of business, but you showed me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few weeks ago I posted here asking for how I should approach telling my husband I wanted a one month break from him and (by force) our kid (because he's the stay at home parent and our kid is older so it's not like I'm leaving a baby). I wanted time to think about our marriage. I am the person who works and supports the family. My thread turned into a hate fest of: By doing this you are abandoning your family!!!

I had a consult with the divorce firm Livesay & Myers this week. They confirmed it is NOT abandonment! 1) I am still paying for everyone's living expenses. 2) I am returning. 3) There is communication of when I will be leaving and returning.

For all you "know it all" people who think you "know" the law. You do not. Have a nice day.

Np I feel sad that you feel that you have to post back here to get approval? or a comeback to people you don't know and really don't care what you do.

It's the cognitive dissonance.

[Anonymous]

I am a parent & I believe leaving your child for a month IS abandonment.
No exceptions.

Maybe not in the legal sense - but definitely in the emotional sense.
If you do not believe me, then ask your son in a few yrs.

[Anonymous]

OP, legal or not, it’s abandonment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent & I believe leaving your child for a month IS abandonment.
No exceptions.

Maybe not in the legal sense - but definitely in the emotional sense.
If you do not believe me, then ask your son in a few yrs.

Of course there are exceptions. OP just doesn’t meet those exceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do what you need to do, don't think of DCUM as any kind of steady moral compass, it's a cess pit of vipers. Keep your own counsel.

Ha! Excellent description of this website

[Anonymous]

I came home one day and learned my dad was having an affair and moving out. Shortly after he went to s America (with his gf) for about a month. I was home with my mom, who had a nervous breakdown and was admitted inpatient. I leaned then that my dad was, at his core,!selfish and self centered. I’ve seen it in myriad ways since but not until having kids if my own do I grasp how crappy the choices he made were, over and over prioritizing his desires over our well being. My brother is a broken man, I think due to a lot of this, and I had tears of dysfunctional relationships.

Maybe ops departure won’t seem so drastic if she’s planning on seeing kid regularly but to just up and leave would be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not calling it abandonment still won't stop your husband from using it against you if you end up divorcing and child custody has to be decided. You don't necessarily have to call a thing a thing in court. Mom left for a month is quite enough for the judge.

The husband cannot use it as "abandonment" because it's not. The attorney clarified. Also, if the OP consulted with an attorney there are records to indicate this was brought up and confirmed by the attorney prior to asking for a "break from the marriage". A judge would have that information during discovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent & I believe leaving your child for a month IS abandonment.
No exceptions.

Maybe not in the legal sense - but definitely in the emotional sense.
If you do not believe me, then ask your son in a few yrs.

So when a parent leaves for a 2-3 week business trip the kids think it's abandonment? Give me a break. You people are just attacking for the sake of attacking. Making things up, etc. There are many parents who leave town to work. I have a friend who's husband got a job in Maryland and they lived in Florida. Guess what? My friend stayed in FL for EIGHT MONTHS ALONG WITH HER KID AND DOG. She finally moved up to her husband last fall. Was that abandonment? NO.

You horrible people need to get a grip. Also, considering the dad is a stay at home dad the kid is already used to the dad being around not the mom. Ask any dad who works. Their kids always assume they are gone because that's how it's always been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not calling it abandonment still won't stop your husband from using it against you if you end up divorcing and child custody has to be decided. You don't necessarily have to call a thing a thing in court. Mom left for a month is quite enough for the judge.

The husband cannot use it as "abandonment" because it's not. The attorney clarified. Also, if the OP consulted with an attorney there are records to indicate this was brought up and confirmed by the attorney prior to asking for a "break from the marriage". A judge would have that information during discovery.

NP and there is so much wrong with this statement I'm not sure where to begin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Funny how everyone is saying now it's "moral" abandonment. Check the last thread. No one was saying that. Nice try. Can't admit you are just wrong? Also, I've been gone for work trips many time. My kid is fine. Hello...my husband stays at home! Wow, you people are clueless.

Perhaps next time don't preach what you don't know.

I think the "I travel for work" rationalization only works if your husband is willing to lie for you. So, yes, if your husband will lie to your child and tell them you are on a work trip, then it's no harm no foul.

Can you ask him to do that?

Well, you lie for your child, not for your spouse. Or you could be like the above poster that listens to her child crying himself to sleep and thinks about how bad that ought to make her ex-husband feel.

[Anonymous]

I read the previous thread. Many, many posters were saying that it was legal abandonment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Funny how everyone is saying now it's "moral" abandonment. Check the last thread. No one was saying that. Nice try. Can't admit you are just wrong? Also, I've been gone for work trips many time. My kid is fine. Hello...my husband stays at home! Wow, you people are clueless.

Perhaps next time don't preach what you don't know.

I think the "I travel for work" rationalization only works if your husband is willing to lie for you. So, yes, if your husband will lie to your child and tell them you are on a work trip, then it's no harm no foul.

Can you ask him to do that?

Well, you lie for your child, not for your spouse. Or you could be like the above poster that listens to her child crying himself to sleep and thinks about how bad that ought to make her ex-husband feel.

I would defer to the therapists in the room, but this seems like an astoundingly bad idea to me. The truth will eventually come out and then the kids will think that both adults are liars, which means that all adults are liars by the logic of children.

Wouldn't it be better to have one parent that didn't lie?