Update: No, it's not abandonment (fact vs fiction)

[Anonymous]

"Have a nice day"???

[Anonymous]

OP here. Funny how everyone is saying now it's "moral" abandonment. Check the last thread. No one was saying that. Nice try. Can't admit you are just wrong? Also, I've been gone for work trips many time. My kid is fine. Hello...my husband stays at home! Wow, you people are clueless.

Perhaps next time don't preach what you don't know.

OP, are you being deliberately dense? Plenty of people on your last thread addressed how crappy it is both that you would leave your kid for a month AND that you think it is no problem for your DH to be "on duty" for a month straight while you live somewhere else by yourself. Apparently, you believe that because your DH is a stay at home parent that he is also a slave who must be on 24/7. It's clear that you don't really parent now, which is why you are good walking away from your kid for a month - as opposed to most DWs who work outside the home and are super protective of the time they do have with their kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’ve changed my mind.

Judging from your attitude, your H and son will probably be thrilled you’re gone. So go. Have fun. They won’t miss you.

[Anonymous]

No way op is actually a woman/mother.

[Anonymous]

Are you a troll? No normal person would just post what you did. No decent parent would only be concerned about the legal impact of things.

Legal and emotional are two different things and you disappearing on your kids is going to make them feel abandoned and cause emotional scars.

[Anonymous]

It may not be legal abandonment, but it could be really compelling to a judge if your child cries to the GAL about how mom disappeared for a month and he’s afraid she will do it again so guess afraid to live with her and wants to be with dad. Spousal support plus child support is going to hurt.

[Anonymous]

Cool, please let us know what your husbands attorney says when he asks how this should impact custody and alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may not be legal abandonment, but it could be really compelling to a judge if your child cries to the GAL about how mom disappeared for a month and he’s afraid she will do it again so guess afraid to live with her and wants to be with dad. Spousal support plus child support is going to hurt.

Spousal support is nonexistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may not be legal abandonment, but it could be really compelling to a judge if your child cries to the GAL about how mom disappeared for a month and he’s afraid she will do it again so guess afraid to live with her and wants to be with dad. Spousal support plus child support is going to hurt.

Spousal support is nonexistent.

A SAHP in Virginia who has provided full time care for your child so you could pursue your career? What compelling reason is there to deny spousal support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may not be legal abandonment, but it could be really compelling to a judge if your child cries to the GAL about how mom disappeared for a month and he’s afraid she will do it again so guess afraid to live with her and wants to be with dad. Spousal support plus child support is going to hurt.

Spousal support is nonexistent.

A SAHP in Virginia who has provided full time care for your child so you could pursue your career? What compelling reason is there to deny spousal support?

Oh is OP in Virginia?? Then I hope she told her attorney about the affair as well.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP is really a woman or is trying to change genders to get a different response.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, usually I chime in on divorcing threads because holy hell, the totally incorrect and convoluted thinking on this board is really, really bad. NO ONE should take any advice on legal matters here. Sometimes you run across someone who does know something on various topics, but in divorce it's really a shitshow. People answer how they think the law should be, but it's so far off reality it's pure and simple bad advice.

And no, they can't admit it. They stick to the bad advice, or shift the goalposts (well......we really meant it was morally wrong!). Terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP is really a woman or is trying to change genders to get a different response.

Of course op is not a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My XH behaved a lot like OP on his way out of the marriage, and then immediately after the split. A lot of psychobabble about "caring for himself" and "putting himself first" all while his ES-aged kids sobbed themselves to sleep at night because they didn't understand what was happening.

Years later, I think he still doesn't understand how much damage he did. Yes, he has a relationship with the kids now, and has convinced himself that everything that happened in the early days was in the past.

But they are far less trusting of adults now. Their entire worldview shifted from "trusted adults love me and will be here for me" to "sometimes people just leave and you never know when it's going to happen."

I hope OP can hear this - she is hurting her child(ren) and no matter how she feels about her marriage, she's going to do permanent harm to them and to her relationship with them if she stays on this track.

I hope you have gotten them therapy for the attachment trauma this has caused them that will negatively influence all of their romantic relationships as adults. It gets bad when they hit midlife and their kids become they age were when mom or dad left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who left her DH and two girls when they were something like 7 and 10 years old.

She met a new guy she wanted to have uninterrupted sex with and moved out.

She is a narcissist, like a real, big one.

Neighbor did this when her sons were in high school.