My MIL died suddenly and my mom didn’t even send a card

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your DH I'd never speak or visit with your mother again.

Seems like an overreaction. Really? Because she didn't send a card? Never visit the mom again?

[Anonymous]

You sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your DH I'd never speak or visit with your mother again.

Seems like an overreaction. Really? Because she didn't send a card? Never visit the mom again?

She didn't care to send a card when OP's mom died so why should her DH care to drive to her house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is a heratless, inconsiderate social retard.

As non PC as this is, and I wouldn’t use that word, but it made me chuckle, because yes, yes she is. When we have social events, she will bring a book and sit in the corner. Occasionally she will interrupt a conversation to tell a one up story related to a story someone else is telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your husband even care? If my MIL didn't send a condolence card, I would not care at all.

If your husband does not care that much about this, consider that you are doing what your mom does and making this about you and your issues, and that maybe your husband doesn't want to turn this into another conversation about your mother.

Finally, you are having what psychologists might call an "outsized reaction" based on a whole bunch of baggage. Get help for that. Seriously. Narcissistic (or just otherwise self involved and selfish) parents are the bread and butter of psychologists, and really can screw with kids well into adulthood.

I don’t know if he cares. She’s routinely late to send him Birthday gifts, and he says he doesn’t care. I have not brought this up to him because I don’t want to make it about me, but I’m embarrassed by my mom’s reaction. It’s very possible that it doesn’t bother him, but it’s a loss for me too and I’d think my mom would at the very very least ask about how I or my husband or kids are doing in the face of one of the biggest losses of our lives. But she hasn’t and won’t. Because she doesn’t care. That’s the bottom line. I need to accept and move on. Thank you dcum for point this out.

Again, this has become not about what your husband needs but what you needed and never got from your mom. I empathize but as a grown woman you will need to stop this obsession if you want to heal your own narcissistic wound. People do things because of who they are and not because of who you are. Surely you have a lot of love and care in your life — focus on that and on your own capacity to meet your needs.

Exactly, op is making it about her. She says she doesn't even know how he feels about it. Op is using this situation to go after her mother because she doesn't feel safe to confront her otherwise.

Frankly, if I were your husband I would be pissed off at you op for making the loss of MY mother about you and your mommy issues. That would be unforgivable to me.

Never though of it this way, but yes I totally have mommy issues. It hurts like hell that my mommy literally does not give AF about me or my family. I have not brought up my concerns to my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother died and my MIL didn’t send a card. I’ll never forget this.

Oh, and she never said anything to me directly about it either.

So sorry. There is no pain like losing a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother died and my MIL didn’t send a card. I’ll never forget this.

Oh, and she never said anything to me directly about it either.

Same with my ex in laws when my sister died. In a way I am grateful as it hastened my divorce.

I’m very sorry for the loss of your sister.