Over-worked nanny?

[Anonymous]

Back up care that your child feels comfortable with is pretty critical. This is a good opportunity to implement that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs criticizing OP for being "codependent on her husband" just because she likes to hike and run with him, do you really not understand enjoying a hobby with your spouse?

I can see who's probably fat and frigid here.

^ now that’s a proper ahole

Excellent illustration, PP! Good on ya!

Fine, maybe too far. But it's not weird that she wants to share a fit healthy hobby with her husband and people need to lay off her about it

[Anonymous]

I would try once a week for 4 hours with a sitter on the weekend for a few months first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs criticizing OP for being "codependent on her husband" just because she likes to hike and run with him, do you really not understand enjoying a hobby with your spouse?

I can see who's probably fat and frigid here.

^ now that’s a proper ahole

Excellent illustration, PP! Good on ya!

Fine, maybe too far. But it's not weird that she wants to share a fit healthy hobby with her husband and people need to lay off her about it

No one is “on” her. They are suggesting she find an additional caregiver since it’s clear her nanny has little personal time themselves. Everyone deserves work life balance and the power structure here is important to keep in mind. Also you should never rely on one person for all of childcare needs, if they have an emergency you could be without care. The OP is not being vilified - self care and private tone with your partner is important.

[Anonymous]

^time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PPs criticizing OP for being "codependent on her husband" just because she likes to hike and run with him, do you really not understand enjoying a hobby with your spouse?

I can see who's probably fat and frigid here.

^ now that’s a proper ahole

Excellent illustration, PP! Good on ya!

Fine, maybe too far. But it's not weird that she wants to share a fit healthy hobby with her husband and people need to lay off her about it

No one is “on” her. They are suggesting she find an additional caregiver since it’s clear her nanny has little personal time themselves. Everyone deserves work life balance and the power structure here is important to keep in mind. Also you should never rely on one person for all of childcare needs, if they have an emergency you could be without care. The OP is not being vilified - self care and private tone with your partner is important.

Ok, sure, that's valid. I was referring to the one poster who implied anyone who prefers to work out with their spouse (vs. alone) is "codependent" on them. I agree OP should seek backup care for the weekend dates.

[Anonymous]

This thread is insane.

First, I'd take your nanny at her word that she's willing/able to do the weekend babysitting. I would also explicitly check in regarding the change relative to your additional deal. In particular, I'd ask if she is having financial issues. Inflation is real, and regular raises (even generous ones) might not necessarily be keeping up with increases in costs of living. It could be that the better solution for your nanny in particular is keeping her current hours but giving her a raise. I am doubtful that this is 100% driven by her love for your kids, honestly. Our first nanny of 7 years still adores our kids and keeps in touch...but the one time weekend babysitting came up, it turned out she just needed a bigger raise. As much as nannies love their charges, nannying is also a job. If they decide to work more, there is likely a financial reason.

Second, it's a really bad idea to only have one person who can care for your kids. You need to figure out how to break that habit...even if it means a little bit of screaming their eyes out. This is extra true given that you are considering 1-2x/month (which is actually pretty frequent for parents with kids as young as yours). Find a weekend babysitter your kids like. It might take a few weekends to get there, but you will. Your life will be immensely easier in the long run if you do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is insane.

First, I'd take your nanny at her word that she's willing/able to do the weekend babysitting. I would also explicitly check in regarding the change relative to your additional deal. In particular, I'd ask if she is having financial issues. Inflation is real, and regular raises (even generous ones) might not necessarily be keeping up with increases in costs of living. It could be that the better solution for your nanny in particular is keeping her current hours but giving her a raise. I am doubtful that this is 100% driven by her love for your kids, honestly. Our first nanny of 7 years still adores our kids and keeps in touch...but the one time weekend babysitting came up, it turned out she just needed a bigger raise. As much as nannies love their charges, nannying is also a job. If they decide to work more, there is likely a financial reason.

Second, it's a really bad idea to only have one person who can care for your kids. You need to figure out how to break that habit...even if it means a little bit of screaming their eyes out. This is extra true given that you are considering 1-2x/month (which is actually pretty frequent for parents with kids as young as yours). Find a weekend babysitter your kids like. It might take a few weekends to get there, but you will. Your life will be immensely easier in the long run if you do this.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Why not give her early out on Friday whenever she does babysitting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not give her early out on Friday whenever she does babysitting?

The nanny can say no to extra hours. This isn't slavery.

[Anonymous]

I'd take the nanny at her word. She's not a child. Maybe her financial situation changed and she wants the extra cash.

If you don't want to do that, though, maybe consider doing date nights after your baby is in bed? Then you get the time out of the house together without having to acclimate the baby to a new person (assuming she's a reliable sleeper).

[Anonymous]

This thread got so weird. I feel like there's like two people responding who are really mad that they don't have any babysitting help and are taking it out on OP.

Even if the nanny does 3 extra hours on the weekend, that's only a 48 hr work week. It's not like 80 hrs. So many people on dcum leave their kids with nannies or in daycare for 10+ hrs a day.

It would be one thing if OP forced the nanny to do weekend work as a condition of her job, but that really doesn't sound like what's happening. Yes, at first, the nanny said she didn't want to do weekends, but maybe now that she knows the kids and family, her opinion has changed. I can totally see that happened. Or maybe since the pandemic started, her own weekends are not as busy and she doesn't mind making a little extra money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd take the nanny at her word. She's not a child. Maybe her financial situation changed and she wants the extra cash.

If you don't want to do that, though, maybe consider doing date nights after your baby is in bed? Then you get the time out of the house together without having to acclimate the baby to a new person (assuming she's a reliable sleeper).

(Just to be clear, I'm suggesting hiring a babysitter but just having that person watch the monitor while the kids are asleep. Not leaving your kids at home alone)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread got so weird. I feel like there's like two people responding who are really mad that they don't have any babysitting help and are taking it out on OP.

Even if the nanny does 3 extra hours on the weekend, that's only a 48 hr work week. It's not like 80 hrs. So many people on dcum leave their kids with nannies or in daycare for 10+ hrs a day.

It would be one thing if OP forced the nanny to do weekend work as a condition of her job, but that really doesn't sound like what's happening. Yes, at first, the nanny said she didn't want to do weekends, but maybe now that she knows the kids and family, her opinion has changed. I can totally see that happened. Or maybe since the pandemic started, her own weekends are not as busy and she doesn't mind making a little extra money.

I feel like they're often nanny trolls or such. I'm a nanny and have been posting in here for 10+ years. Some are just absolutely laughably and ridiculous towards any parents posting.

[Anonymous]

It's possible she is overworked AND she wants to babysit.

How about letting her leave early when you can (and pay her). 30 mins/ 1 hour here and there will do wonders for her.