Over-worked nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1. What the heck? OP is a total asshole.

F off. OP here.

Never, in a million years, did I think I’d get attacked for wanting to spend 6 hours a month outside with my husband Without the kids and caring about our nanny’s well being. Nor did I expect my nanny to be attacked for loving my kids.

I am not new to DCUM but this is a new low.

Thank you to the few who gave real advice.

Nobody has said a single bad thing about your nanny. To the contrary, posters feel sorry for her.

Actually, one poster questioned whether the nanny had replaced mom in the child’s affection, and im guessing op read that as an attack on the nanny, like I did.

Hey op, nanny here. No, your child didn’t replace you. No, you’re not awful for wanting 6 hours alone with your husband each month. No, there’s no reason to put your toddler through a 3 hour crying jag every other week if the nanny is offering to take care of the kids on the weekend.

I would suggest timing the run or hike according to the nanny’s preference. She may prefer to do lunch into toddler naptime and do something quiet with the 3yo, or she may want to do 8.30-11.30, then hand off to you for lunch. You’re already at 45 hours, so those three hours will be overtime, but you could free to do it in cash or lump it into her next paycheck.

It was an attack on OP, not the nanny. It's not the nanny's fault that she spends 10 times as much time with the kids as OP already, and now OP is pressuring the nanny to do even more. Why wouldn't the kids like the nanny better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

I agree. OP, stop taking advantage of your nanny.

We’re working, dear. Do I need to explain to you what “working” means? But we’re always around when the kids need us and have no commute.

And who said our nanny is “running ragged”?! She’s going all day. Do you even have two little kids?

You said she "never stops all day long" and "offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out."

Sounds ragged to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

We’re working, dear. Do I need to explain to you what “working” means? But we’re always around when the kids need us and have no commute.

And who said our nanny is “running ragged”?! She’s going all day. Do you even have two little kids?

You said she "never stops all day long" and "offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out."

Sounds ragged to me.

I agree. OP, stop taking advantage of your nanny.

[Anonymous]

Here are OP's exact words:

"When we hired her she expressed that she would rather not do date nights or weekend work. But three years later, and very much in love with our kids, she’s offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out."

I've bolded the operative word. Does this sound like the nanny really wants to do it? Or is she feeling guilty/pressured to do it? Also, it's so interesting that the thought of the 16-month-old "sobbing" is enough to get the nanny to offer to help, and for OP to be ready to pounce on that, but it isn't enough to get the parents to not go out in the first place. This is a scenario where OP is thinking of herself first.

[Anonymous]

Op the trolls are out on DCUM ever so much more viciously of late.

Anyhow, I wonder if you might try a really great babysitter/ nanny who can come a time or two while either you or your DH are home on a weekend first. You could start off on the room, take a few trips out and slowly let go. It may take a few tries, and possibly even a couple sitters to find the right match. But I’d try that at least a bit. It will also have the benefit that you will feel good about this sitter too. You do really want a backup, if nothing else, and it sounds like you need the weekend time. Good luck. I don’t begrudge you at all, ignore the trolls. Parenting is a long haul and those are tough ages. Take care of yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1 Hilariously so. Loved the hysterical snipe that the PP “isn’t athletic like her” because she manages to work out in one of the myriad ways available without being codependent with her husband and “needing” bimonthly babysitters.

[Anonymous]

Let your child cry it out with the sitter. Hold the boundaries your nanny requested before getting attached. It’s better for both of you and the working relationship. Have your dates, but hire a separate sitter so nanny can have that good break to better care for your children during the week. It’s so easy to overextend at work to please the boss or because you’re too enmeshed/exhausted to say no. Take care of your employee by managing them compassionately, with their well being in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if she offered and you keep it to twice a month, that seems okay to me. I'm a SAHM and I don't think 9 hrs/day and 3 hrs every other weekend counts as burnout-level childcare.

If she seems overworked, can you let the kids watch TV for part of the time she's with them on weekends? Or give them some special date-only toys that will keep them extra occupied while she's watching them those days?

Why does she never stop all day long on weekdays? If she seems overworked, can you let her take a break on weekdays - maybe even just half an hour?

Also, I have to say, I think it's a bit of a cop out that the 16 mo "won't tolerate another babysitter." What would you do if you didn't have a nanny to fall back on?

You cannot compare a SAHM to a nanny. You were in your own home and didn’t commute. You could wake up when the kids did and shower when they napped. Or do your own laundry when they were playing. Or cook your dinner while your kids were watching TV. A nanny can’t. She has to be up and dressed, drive to your house, work nine hours, drive home and then care for herself, her family, do laundry, cook, etc.

Spoken by someone who I suspect has never been a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Would you work two extra days per month just to be nice?

[Anonymous]

If you truly only want to run and/or hike with your husband buy a BOB running stroller and a hiking carrier for your 16 month old. Have your older child stay with a babysitter. By the time your toddler grows out of these contraptions they should be good with a different babysotter.

[Anonymous]

OP, to answer your original question:
Yes, take your nanny at her word. She can make her decisions.

[Anonymous]

It's not trolling to say that the OP is taking advantage of the nanny.

The nanny was expressly hired to perform a difficult job from Monday to Friday. If you were hired for a job that you and your employer agreed would be Monday to Friday job, how would you feel about now having to work for a few hours every other weekend on top of that as well? Would you feel any better about it if the boss said she could obviously get somebody else to do the weekend work, but it would be easier on her if it were you? Because that's exactly what is going on here,

The nanny has the same finite number of weekends that OP does. OP clearly isn't thinking about that. She's concluded that the "connecting with her husband" time -- which she simply "must" have -- is more important than her nanny's weekend decompression time.

Facts. Not trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, to answer your original question:
Yes, take your nanny at her word. She can make her decisions.

You've never told your boss you were ok with doing something when you weren't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op the trolls are out on DCUM ever so much more viciously of late.

Anyhow, I wonder if you might try a really great babysitter/ nanny who can come a time or two while either you or your DH are home on a weekend first. You could start off on the room, take a few trips out and slowly let go. It may take a few tries, and possibly even a couple sitters to find the right match. But I’d try that at least a bit. It will also have the benefit that you will feel good about this sitter too. You do really want a backup, if nothing else, and it sounds like you need the weekend time. Good luck. I don’t begrudge you at all, ignore the trolls. Parenting is a long haul and those are tough ages. Take care of yourselves.

LOL, they sure are -- but, in this case, for the friggin' NANNY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, to answer your original question:
Yes, take your nanny at her word. She can make her decisions.

You've never told your boss you were ok with doing something when you weren't?

I guess I am assuming that they are paying her additional for the extra hours. If my assumption is correct, maybe it’s not, then I think three years in the nanny might feel differently about additional hours and income. I can imagine setting that boundary with a new employer/family to manage expectations. And, I can imagine genuinely choosing differently three years in.