Over-worked nanny?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny is amazing and works nine hour days with our three-year-old and 16 month old. She never stops all day long. When we hired her she expressed that she would rather not do date nights or weekend work. But three years later, and very much in love with our kids, she’s offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out. We don’t go out very often maybe twice a month since covid and mostly just to go out hiking or running for a few hours on the weekend days. DH and I really need that three hours or so to reconnect.

WWYD? Take nanny at her word and let her come to work for a few hours on weekends or just stop going out for awhile? No babysitter is acceptable to the little one yet and we don’t need anyone regularly enough for her to get used to one.

[Anonymous]

I think if she offered and you keep it to twice a month, that seems okay to me. I'm a SAHM and I don't think 9 hrs/day and 3 hrs every other weekend counts as burnout-level childcare.

If she seems overworked, can you let the kids watch TV for part of the time she's with them on weekends? Or give them some special date-only toys that will keep them extra occupied while she's watching them those days?

Why does she never stop all day long on weekdays? If she seems overworked, can you let her take a break on weekdays - maybe even just half an hour?

Also, I have to say, I think it's a bit of a cop out that the 16 mo "won't tolerate another babysitter." What would you do if you didn't have a nanny to fall back on?

[Anonymous]

Same with “need time every other weekend” - yeah it’s great but most families don’t have this and survive just fine.

[Anonymous]

If you want to make it easier on her, have her come after the kids are asleep, or right before bedtime, so that most of the date night job is just watching a monitor or watching TV.


I would get the 16mo used to other babysitters, though. The nanny is not going to be around forever, presumably, and it seems like you're letting a toddler be the boss of you.

[Anonymous]

two things to add

-don't listen to PP who said most families survive just fine. Yeah, ok, but you are doing a GOOD thing for your marriage wanting that couple time and making it (and your health/fitness!) a priority. Keep it up.

-my regular sitters for date nights only come every other week (they alternate) and my DD still bonded with them and talks about them and stuff. there's another one who's only sat for us 3 times and she still asks about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to make it easier on her, have her come after the kids are asleep, or right before bedtime, so that most of the date night job is just watching a monitor or watching TV.


I would get the 16mo used to other babysitters, though. The nanny is not going to be around forever, presumably, and it seems like you're letting a toddler be the boss of you.

It’s really hard to go hiking and running at night, PP.

[Anonymous]

Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if she offered and you keep it to twice a month, that seems okay to me. I'm a SAHM and I don't think 9 hrs/day and 3 hrs every other weekend counts as burnout-level childcare.

If she seems overworked, can you let the kids watch TV for part of the time she's with them on weekends? Or give them some special date-only toys that will keep them extra occupied while she's watching them those days?

Why does she never stop all day long on weekdays? If she seems overworked, can you let her take a break on weekdays - maybe even just half an hour?

Also, I have to say, I think it's a bit of a cop out that the 16 mo "won't tolerate another babysitter." What would you do if you didn't have a nanny to fall back on?

You cannot compare a SAHM to a nanny. You were in your own home and didn’t commute. You could wake up when the kids did and shower when they napped. Or do your own laundry when they were playing. Or cook your dinner while your kids were watching TV. A nanny can’t. She has to be up and dressed, drive to your house, work nine hours, drive home and then care for herself, her family, do laundry, cook, etc.

[Anonymous]

Hire another sitter. Yes kids that age sob when their parents leave. It really will be ok. Hire an experienced sitter and a vet that you aren’t harming your child by her crying when you leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to make it easier on her, have her come after the kids are asleep, or right before bedtime, so that most of the date night job is just watching a monitor or watching TV.


I would get the 16mo used to other babysitters, though. The nanny is not going to be around forever, presumably, and it seems like you're letting a toddler be the boss of you.

It’s really hard to go hiking and running at night, PP.

Oh shush. Naptime, or they could do evening stuff some of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

[Anonymous]

If it were a working parent who discovered that my child has become so attached to my nanny that he refused to be left with anyone else, I'd wonder if my child has replaced the nanny for me. And I wouldn't like that one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

You're a jerk.

I feel the same as OP, and so did a lot of parents before the mommy martyr with a neglected husband became the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if she offered and you keep it to twice a month, that seems okay to me. I'm a SAHM and I don't think 9 hrs/day and 3 hrs every other weekend counts as burnout-level childcare.

If she seems overworked, can you let the kids watch TV for part of the time she's with them on weekends? Or give them some special date-only toys that will keep them extra occupied while she's watching them those days?

Why does she never stop all day long on weekdays? If she seems overworked, can you let her take a break on weekdays - maybe even just half an hour?

Also, I have to say, I think it's a bit of a cop out that the 16 mo "won't tolerate another babysitter." What would you do if you didn't have a nanny to fall back on?

You cannot compare a SAHM to a nanny. You were in your own home and didn’t commute. You could wake up when the kids did and shower when they napped. Or do your own laundry when they were playing. Or cook your dinner while your kids were watching TV. A nanny can’t. She has to be up and dressed, drive to your house, work nine hours, drive home and then care for herself, her family, do laundry, cook, etc.

Okay but, as a SAHM, I actually do way more childcare than 9 hrs a day and 3 hrs every other weekend…. I do laundry during the day yea, but I also don’t have 6-10 pm or all weekend free to do laundry, so.