Over-worked nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to make it easier on her, have her come after the kids are asleep, or right before bedtime, so that most of the date night job is just watching a monitor or watching TV.


I would get the 16mo used to other babysitters, though. The nanny is not going to be around forever, presumably, and it seems like you're letting a toddler be the boss of you.

It’s really hard to go hiking and running at night, PP.

Oh shush. Naptime, or they could do evening stuff some of the time.

Most 3 yr olds who aren’t in daycare don’t nap. Geez, OP is talking about doing something healthy for her body and her marriage and you’re all acting like she’s going out drinking.

OP, take the nanny at her word. Trust her to regulate her own needs. If she says she can work believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if she offered and you keep it to twice a month, that seems okay to me. I'm a SAHM and I don't think 9 hrs/day and 3 hrs every other weekend counts as burnout-level childcare.

If she seems overworked, can you let the kids watch TV for part of the time she's with them on weekends? Or give them some special date-only toys that will keep them extra occupied while she's watching them those days?

Why does she never stop all day long on weekdays? If she seems overworked, can you let her take a break on weekdays - maybe even just half an hour?

Also, I have to say, I think it's a bit of a cop out that the 16 mo "won't tolerate another babysitter." What would you do if you didn't have a nanny to fall back on?

You cannot compare a SAHM to a nanny. You were in your own home and didn’t commute. You could wake up when the kids did and shower when they napped. Or do your own laundry when they were playing. Or cook your dinner while your kids were watching TV. A nanny can’t. She has to be up and dressed, drive to your house, work nine hours, drive home and then care for herself, her family, do laundry, cook, etc.

Okay but, as a SAHM, I actually do way more childcare than 9 hrs a day and 3 hrs every other weekend…. I do laundry during the day yea, but I also don’t have 6-10 pm or all weekend free to do laundry, so.

And what I was really trying to say anyway is that I don’t think 9 hrs a day plus 3 hrs every other weekend is enough to make the nanny hate your children or something. People do a lot more childcare than that before they start to snap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

We’re working, dear. Do I need to explain to you what “working” means? But we’re always around when the kids need us and have no commute.

And who said our nanny is “running ragged”?! She’s going all day. Do you even have two little kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

You're a jerk.

I feel the same as OP, and so did a lot of parents before the mommy martyr with a neglected husband became the norm.

Yea, except in OP's case it's the poor nanny who gets neglected. Everything is so you, you, you that she has to give up her weekends the kids have become too attached to her. I'd be so proud of myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

We’re working, dear. Do I need to explain to you what “working” means? But we’re always around when the kids need us and have no commute.

And who said our nanny is “running ragged”?! She’s going all day. Do you even have two little kids?

You said she "never stops all day long" and "offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out."

Sounds ragged to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

You're a jerk.

I feel the same as OP, and so did a lot of parents before the mommy martyr with a neglected husband became the norm.

Yea, except in OP's case it's the poor nanny who gets neglected. Everything is so you, you, you that she has to give up her weekends the kids have become too attached to her. I'd be so proud of myself!

Who the F said the nanny is neglected?! Jesus, people, you are off the rails here! If nanny says she can do it - she’s can don’t! She’s getting paid for it and the little kid is happy.

You also clearly do not have a nanny. That the kids are happier with the nanny than a new babysitter is no surprise. Few kids love strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the two of you "really need" that time to reconnect? You farm out your childcare all day and then need to get away from your kids on the weekends, too? Why did you bother having them in the first place?

HI! OP here and I was waiting for you to show up!

DH and I both work from home, spend more quality time with our kids than you ever did but, unlike you, we’re both athletic and do need time to work out outside and be together as a couple.

Why did a miserable and bitter pill like you bother to have kids?

If you're both at home, then why is your nanny running ragged all day? You're contradicting yourself.

We’re working, dear. Do I need to explain to you what “working” means? But we’re always around when the kids need us and have no commute.

And who said our nanny is “running ragged”?! She’s going all day. Do you even have two little kids?

You said she "never stops all day long" and "offered to do weekend work only because our 16 month old will absolutely not tolerate a babysitter and sobs her eyes out."

Sounds ragged to me.

You’re quite the entitled b if you think that’s ragged. Or are you just fat and lazy?

I go all day at work, too.

[Anonymous]

OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

[Anonymous]

The nanny might need the extra income. Ignore the haters, OP. If it works for both of you go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1. What the heck? OP is a total asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1. What the heck? OP is a total asshole.

F off. OP here.

Never, in a million years, did I think I’d get attacked for wanting to spend 6 hours a month outside with my husband Without the kids and caring about our nanny’s well being. Nor did I expect my nanny to be attacked for loving my kids.

I am not new to DCUM but this is a new low.

Thank you to the few who gave real advice.

[Anonymous]

Take her at her word and pay her very well, like double her normal rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1. What the heck? OP is a total asshole.

F off. OP here.

Never, in a million years, did I think I’d get attacked for wanting to spend 6 hours a month outside with my husband Without the kids and caring about our nanny’s well being. Nor did I expect my nanny to be attacked for loving my kids.

I am not new to DCUM but this is a new low.

Thank you to the few who gave real advice.

Nobody has said a single bad thing about your nanny. To the contrary, posters feel sorry for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is becoming awfully defensive . . .

+1. What the heck? OP is a total asshole.

F off. OP here.

Never, in a million years, did I think I’d get attacked for wanting to spend 6 hours a month outside with my husband Without the kids and caring about our nanny’s well being. Nor did I expect my nanny to be attacked for loving my kids.

I am not new to DCUM but this is a new low.

Thank you to the few who gave real advice.

Nobody has said a single bad thing about your nanny. To the contrary, posters feel sorry for her.

Actually, one poster questioned whether the nanny had replaced mom in the child’s affection, and im guessing op read that as an attack on the nanny, like I did.

Hey op, nanny here. No, your child didn’t replace you. No, you’re not awful for wanting 6 hours alone with your husband each month. No, there’s no reason to put your toddler through a 3 hour crying jag every other week if the nanny is offering to take care of the kids on the weekend.

I would suggest timing the run or hike according to the nanny’s preference. She may prefer to do lunch into toddler naptime and do something quiet with the 3yo, or she may want to do 8.30-11.30, then hand off to you for lunch. You’re already at 45 hours, so those three hours will be overtime, but you could free to do it in cash or lump it into her next paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nanny might need the extra income. Ignore the haters, OP. If it works for both of you go ahead.

Read much? OP said the nanny is willing ONLY because the kid is so upset when they try to have anybody else do it. Basically, OP is asking "even though I know the nanny doesn't want to, can I take her at her word anyway because everything is all about ME?"