the obsession with colleges
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Anonymous
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I'm not originally from this area. I am from a big, urban city, though, and there's not the clout chasing there that I've experienced here.
IMO, moving my kids TO this area gives them a huge disadvantage when applying to colleges. The competition in this area is fierce due to all of the excellent public schools and private schools in such a (relatively) small area. My siblings and their kids still live in that area and their kid's lives are totally different. For example, it's not at all uncommon for kids as young as 8 to have their own cell phone in this area. Where my siblings live, the 'thing' is for kids to get a cell for their 12th bdays. My niece is 12 and still plays with her American Girl dolls religiously. My 14 yo hasn't touched her dolls since she was 10 (even though I sometimes thinks she would have liked to since she refuses to donate them; it's just not cool here). And my older nieces and nephews seem to have such fun, lowkey high school experiences compared to my kids here. It's all about the grind here - maxing out AP courses, extracurricular test prep courses, tutors, app review specialists, etc. My nieces and nephews all make straight A grades, are in honors courses, and take AP classes in the subjects that interest them the most/they're the best at. I remember several times where my DD broke down in tears from the stress her senior year of HS. No matter how much I told her the extras didn't matter, this DMV area was telling her that they did. She got into her dream college and loves it... but so did my niece who graduated the year after her and who had a much less rigorous course load. They're both at the same college and both doing excellent. |
Anonymous
Someone or something broke you. Plenty of high achieving kids choose to take high level classes and participate in the sport they enjoy at the highest level because they can handle it emotionally and academically. No need for tutors or SAT prep, they are just bright, motivated and organized kids that receive the appropriate emotional support from their parents to succeed. |
Anonymous
Look again. This says that 69 CEOs of Fortune 500 companies -- 14 percent -- went to 10 universities. That's not statistically average at all. That's extraordinary. |
Anonymous
I would accuse the OP of that, as their point was that parents are choosing / pushing at such an early age (4th grade immersion French when kid has no interest or doesn’t know better to fully commit, travel sports when they just want to see if they like it and have some talent, or just want to meet new people). It’s the parents who obsess and deflect their stress to their kids at all costs. That’s the issue here. ALL kids should find their groove, motivation, etc regardless and some find it outside of the path their parents/social circles push |
Anonymous
Ok, but do the remaining 431 (86%) come from schools #51-172? If so, that’s statistically average - whiteout all of the crazy pressure to achieve a top 10 at all costs. It’s not the school but the talent of the kid that decides the path… |
Anonymous
Sorry, meant #11-172  . 23% come from top 50 but if the others come #51-200, then the risk reward is neutral within it all the crazy! Smart kids at good and average schools will rise, not because you were lucky enough to get into a specific school
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Anonymous
Not when you consider that those schools all got their choice of the most ambitious, smart high school students. Their success is due to who they are, not where they went. |
Anonymous
i My cousin's daughter turned down Penn and Hopkins for a scholarship and a traditional religious education at Catholic U. After four years, she had both a bachelor's and a Master's in biomedical engineering, plus a job as a researcher at NIH waiting for her when she graduated. |
Anonymous
From the same person who posted the link above: There's no point in going to a private school if your only reason for doing so is to gain entry to an 'elite' college. However, I do think that the smaller classes are worth a lot, as is the greater attention you get outside the classroom from teachers, counselors, administrators, coaches, club sponsors, etc. Their curriculum can be more flexible, too, although this isn't true in all cases. |
Anonymous
That’s excellent - and exactly to point many of us are using here. There is too much focus on getting into a top-tier school (from pre-K through undergrad)! Kids don’t become smarter because they went through these programs. Sure they can learn to play the game through testing prep, tutors, essay coaches, etc, but if your kid is intelligent, has grit and the other attributes of success, then they will be successful at any top 100 (and as proven, top 200). If your kid is intelligent enough to get into a Top 10 without putting crazy pressure on them, while not taking away from the things they like to do and explore on the side, and not straining your relationship nor creating long term issues, and it fits their desire for campus size, location, dorms, sports, activities, etc. then that’s ideal. But the latter doesn’t fit for most. And mom and dad, that is ok. Everything will be alright. You didn’t fail as a parent, and you likely succeeded in the relationship department - the most important in my humble opinion. Stop the crazy! |
Anonymous
+1 That was my first thought. More than I had imagined since business leaders aren't typically thought of as the most academically inclined. |
Anonymous
Yes, but isn’t education all about prep for life and for a vocation? If so, privates don’t offer that, as it’s a bubble from reality. And when the trappings of privilege are removed in the real world, some folks can’t deal / adapt. And, lots of kids feel like failures because they couldn’t live up to parents expectations, set up in the bubble… |
Anonymous
Education is also for adaption to a society, and privates are a bit tone def with this and breeds continued tone-deafness. Not a good trait in business and other areas later on, especially in today’s shifts from yesterday. |
Anonymous
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I don't even know what the top 50 schools are past the Ivy League schools everyone knows about. It just seems like getting into any pretty good school requires way more than it used to.
I have to admit that when I saw a parent say their kid was going to Christopher Newport, I secretly thought....well, that's not great. But do I really know anything about Christopher Newport? No. There's an element of prestige, an element of feeling like people are judging your kid/your parenting, wanting your kid to have all the choices/options. There are a lot of reasons parents get so crazy. We've all been told that it's so much harder than it was when we were applying to college. I've been hearing that for at least the last 10 years. I can honestly say I've never thought about whether my kid will end up a CEO of a big company. My husband is in tech, and I've seen a variety of tech jobs. If my kid decides to go down that path, I admit I'd rather see them start out at Google in their 20s and start building wealth than a company that pays a lot less and has worse work/life balance. Does that have something do with college choice? It doesn't have to, but it doesn't hurt. |
Anonymous
Well put… |