the obsession with colleges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be exhausting.

Agreed?

Yes. New to this site and the UC mentality and stress of getting into top 20/25 whatever colleges...it's been very eye opening. Three degress between spouse and I and all our parents said was "You're getting a college degree". And we did. And we've been successful and are financially well off. We used the same tactic with our DC and he's now in a state school that would be frowned up here but we're proud of him. Get a degree and then work hard. So glad and grateful we were not raised with that stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be exhausting.

Agreed?

Yes. New to this site and the UC mentality and stress of getting into top 20/25 whatever colleges...it's been very eye opening. Three degress between spouse and I and all our parents said was "You're getting a college degree". And we did. And we've been successful and are financially well off. We used the same tactic with our DC and he's now in a state school that would be frowned up here but we're proud of him. Get a degree and then work hard. So glad and grateful we were not raised with that stress.

Yes, unfortunately, many of us have lost our way and have followed the herd, at the expense of the mental health of our kids and strength of our relationships. I just saw something on this site talking about 4th grade admissions to a private. Are we losing our common sense and starting our kids down the same hypnotic path?

[Anonymous]

And yet here you all are. One way to not be “exhausted” is to not exhaust yourselves thinking about this stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet here you all are. One way to not be “exhausted” is to not exhaust yourselves thinking about this stuff?

what about you?

[Anonymous]

I find this with a coterie of folks who are in government/non profit/writers, etc. They attended elite schools and cleave onto this as one of their key identifiers. I'm not talking school spirit, but dropping it a fair amount and distinguishing folks based on where they attended school. They are absolutely bonkers now about their kids attending same. And ones who attended school as full pay but are in jobs now that can't afford that really go off on how unfair it is. "Why should someone get that advantage?"

Of course, none of them were working for more equitable financial aid back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet here you all are. One way to not be “exhausted” is to not exhaust yourselves thinking about this stuff?

what about you?

I don’t find it exhausting. I like to educate myself and get the lay of the land but I don’t find it psychologically taxing in any way. I filter out anything I think is stupid or irrelevant and am generally comfortable in my own skin. But if it stressed me out to read this stuff I’d stop.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like it. I am sad that my kid may feel inadequate if she doesn’t get into a big name school. You might say this is the parents’ fault but I really think it’s the whole community of peers, parents, teachers, and social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be exhausting.

Agreed?

A certain subset of UMC America thinks it matters where you go to college, both career-wise and in finding the "right" spouse.

This is what drives 90% of college obsession.

lol. Where you go to college can matter. The right spouse also matters wherever that person comes from. The idea that it does not matter at all is kind of silly. If you go to an awful college of course you still have the chance to do whatever you want. You have less ways to do it though. You also have more road blocks and roundabouts. Less so from a top school. Of course you can still screw it up but more paths; less roadblocks. UMC parents think this because they see it every day

Right - but it’s not the end-all-be-all that a lot of folks here make it out to be. Unless you are going to a top-50 or bottom 1/3 school, I’d doesn’t really matter all that much - or matter as much as the time, effort, expense, etc. I equate it to the travel sports frenzy that starts at age 10.

There's a difference between Top 10 school and a Top 50

There's really not in terms of outcomes...

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/page/6/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be exhausting.

Agreed?

A certain subset of UMC America thinks it matters where you go to college, both career-wise and in finding the "right" spouse.

This is what drives 90% of college obsession.

lol. Where you go to college can matter. The right spouse also matters wherever that person comes from. The idea that it does not matter at all is kind of silly. If you go to an awful college of course you still have the chance to do whatever you want. You have less ways to do it though. You also have more road blocks and roundabouts. Less so from a top school. Of course you can still screw it up but more paths; less roadblocks. UMC parents think this because they see it every day

Right - but it’s not the end-all-be-all that a lot of folks here make it out to be. Unless you are going to a top-50 or bottom 1/3 school, I’d doesn’t really matter all that much - or matter as much as the time, effort, expense, etc. I equate it to the travel sports frenzy that starts at age 10.

There's a difference between Top 10 school and a Top 50

Major makes more difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can be exhausting.

Agreed?

A certain subset of UMC America thinks it matters where you go to college, both career-wise and in finding the "right" spouse.

This is what drives 90% of college obsession.

lol. Where you go to college can matter. The right spouse also matters wherever that person comes from. The idea that it does not matter at all is kind of silly. If you go to an awful college of course you still have the chance to do whatever you want. You have less ways to do it though. You also have more road blocks and roundabouts. Less so from a top school. Of course you can still screw it up but more paths; less roadblocks. UMC parents think this because they see it every day

I see almost all people that didn't go top 20/50. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, principals, finance...happy people and successful. Living a good life. I find it hard to put into words how to respond to the bolded, but again, this is a problem only the UC experience...or believe.

[Anonymous]

It’s a sorting mechanism and a social marker that, like it or not, will be a core part of your brand for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

This whole forum is the embodiment of this crazy obsession. (Yes, I’m here too, discovered it as a parent of a senior). Obsession over rankings, ways to improve applications, people getting triggered over certain things. You can even see it when parents label their kids as accepted ED1 to a college several years back. Hopefully I can let this all go once DC’s senior year is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a sorting mechanism and a social marker that, like it or not, will be a core part of your brand for the rest of your life.

A marker for insecure, insufferable losers ….. yawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet here you all are. One way to not be “exhausted” is to not exhaust yourselves thinking about this stuff?

what about you?

I don’t find it exhausting. I like to educate myself and get the lay of the land but I don’t find it psychologically taxing in any way. I filter out anything I think is stupid or irrelevant and am generally comfortable in my own skin. But if it stressed me out to read this stuff I’d stop.

Stop, your reasonable and healthy attitude might make their head explode....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet here you all are. One way to not be “exhausted” is to not exhaust yourselves thinking about this stuff?

what about you?

I don’t find it exhausting. I like to educate myself and get the lay of the land but I don’t find it psychologically taxing in any way. I filter out anything I think is stupid or irrelevant and am generally comfortable in my own skin. But if it stressed me out to read this stuff I’d stop.

“Im comfortable in my own skin” - Anonymous