Want to Ask DH to Leave USAF Reserve on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does easily 50% and was a Navy pilot, reserves and now retired. That being said our neighbors just got divorced and dad is suddenly super involved dad…. Because he has to be.

OP tell him how you feel. It’s better he moves on to someone that can support him and you find someone that can always be around.

Suddenly super involved? What was his level of involvement before the separation or divorce?

This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything and this is very common; divorce attorneys say this always happens and it happened, to me, too. This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything. The man starting to do something upon divorce has happened to every divorced woman I know. Guy did nothing while married ( like literally nothing) and then as soon as they’re divorced, they have to start doing something and then miraculously, they start doing it. And as my ex says: “why would I do anything when you were doing it all the time. I’m not gonna do anything until I absolutely have to—‘necessity is the mother and if invention’.” Men are lazy and selfish and will only do the things that they absolutely have to do. Hence, sudden involvement upon divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC all the moaning in this thread is appalling. Literally millions of women have been married to men doing active and reserve duty, and have had kids, and they deal with it just fine.

My brother in law was active duty. He was a super involved Dad to two daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you made a poor choice in a life partner - not that anything is wrong with either of you. Love isn't enough for a successful relationship. There is nothing in your OP that is a showstopper for having kids. Zillions of people have to juggle schedules and childcare. Your DH being in the USAF Reserves is not the problem. You are.

The guy is a pilot. It is how he makes his living. I'm amazed and impressed he gave up his full time pilot job for you.

Let him keep his Reserves job.

Why did you date and marry a pilot in the first place??????

A lot of men work long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to ask my husband to leave the Air Force Reserve. We met while he was an active duty Air Force pilot. With the reserve requirements, he’s flying 2x per month minimum and has been called out several times to do search and rescue and support for disasters like the recent tornadoes in Kentucky. He left full time active duty because it was difficult for me to start and have my career. I appreciate the sacrifice he made. However, now that I’m ready to start a family I’m afraid the Air Force Reserve duty will mane it difficult for me to be a Mom and to still continue my career. However, I’m also afraid asking him to completely give up flying will crush him. Any advice?

Real talk: this is the bed you made, you need to lie in it. HE WAS AN ACTIVE AIR FORCE PILOT WHEN YOU MET. Come on! He already left active duty for you, and now you want to make him leave the reserves. What about his career??? What about what he wants?

Air Force Pilot is a good job and a good career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this different than DH being done other form of first responder, such as a firefighter?

Or surgeon? Or Big Law? Or CEO? Or UPS driver? Or long haul trucker? Or Walmart Manager? Or Chef? Many, many jobs are demanding and require long hours and weekend work.

[Anonymous]

He will leave you before he ever leaves flying. The aircraft were there before you and will always be his first love.

You signed up for this. Take it or leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does easily 50% and was a Navy pilot, reserves and now retired. That being said our neighbors just got divorced and dad is suddenly super involved dad…. Because he has to be.

OP tell him how you feel. It’s better he moves on to someone that can support him and you find someone that can always be around.

Suddenly super involved? What was his level of involvement before the separation or divorce?

This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything and this is very common; divorce attorneys say this always happens and it happened, to me, too. This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything. The man starting to do something upon divorce has happened to every divorced woman I know. Guy did nothing while married ( like literally nothing) and then as soon as they’re divorced, they have to start doing something and then miraculously, they start doing it. And as my ex says: “why would I do anything when you were doing it all the time. I’m not gonna do anything until I absolutely have to—‘necessity is the mother and if invention’.” Men are lazy and selfish and will only do the things that they absolutely have to do. Hence, sudden involvement upon divorce.

That’s great news. I was worried my aspie do nothing spouse would continue to be a pig and ignore/ neglect the kids but maybe he’d stop being a screen and work addict and actually take care and raise them during his custody time!

That would be better than the 30 minutes a week they currently get from him.

I sincerely hope he gets it together solo, that will be so much better for the kids, for everyone.

- relieved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does easily 50% and was a Navy pilot, reserves and now retired. That being said our neighbors just got divorced and dad is suddenly super involved dad…. Because he has to be.

OP tell him how you feel. It’s better he moves on to someone that can support him and you find someone that can always be around.

Suddenly super involved? What was his level of involvement before the separation or divorce?

This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything and this is very common; divorce attorneys say this always happens and it happened, to me, too. This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything. The man starting to do something upon divorce has happened to every divorced woman I know. Guy did nothing while married ( like literally nothing) and then as soon as they’re divorced, they have to start doing something and then miraculously, they start doing it. And as my ex says: “why would I do anything when you were doing it all the time. I’m not gonna do anything until I absolutely have to—‘necessity is the mother and if invention’.” Men are lazy and selfish and will only do the things that they absolutely have to do. Hence, sudden involvement upon divorce.

So what happens when they get a live in Gf or wife 2 or nanny or grandma show up for a long time? They check out again or put on a show or have permanent adult habits finally?

[Anonymous]

OP's current husband will pick his next spouse with greater care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband does easily 50% and was a Navy pilot, reserves and now retired. That being said our neighbors just got divorced and dad is suddenly super involved dad…. Because he has to be.

OP tell him how you feel. It’s better he moves on to someone that can support him and you find someone that can always be around.

Suddenly super involved? What was his level of involvement before the separation or divorce?

This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything and this is very common; divorce attorneys say this always happens and it happened, to me, too. This is extremely common when divorce happens because men fear that they will lose their kids and then they suddenly are capable of everything. The man starting to do something upon divorce has happened to every divorced woman I know. Guy did nothing while married ( like literally nothing) and then as soon as they’re divorced, they have to start doing something and then miraculously, they start doing it. And as my ex says: “why would I do anything when you were doing it all the time. I’m not gonna do anything until I absolutely have to—‘necessity is the mother and if invention’.” Men are lazy and selfish and will only do the things that they absolutely have to do. Hence, sudden involvement upon divorce.

So what happens when they get a live in Gf or wife 2 or nanny or grandma show up for a long time? They check out again or put on a show or have permanent adult habits finally?

Look—every man I know miraculously got it together. Divorce attorney says it happens all the time.