Want to Ask DH to Leave USAF Reserve on

[Anonymous]

Sorry, not sure how long he stayed in the AF, might. It be the full 20 years. They are rapidly promoting people and trying to give good assignments to retain talent.

Anyhow, you must be younger than 30 or 35 if just starting a career and on the kid track. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

100+ This is most probably in his blood and is core to who he is.
The fact he gave up active duty to support your career is a massive sacrifice especially since you don't even have kids.
FWIW most people who fly continue to do so their entire lives, even when they retire, and well into their later years as long as they are physically able.
If you expect him to give up what little flying time he has now I believe it won't be long before he finds someone else who supports HIS career and love of flight.

My brother was best friends with our AF reserve base who taught him and got him his pilots license as a teenager before going to the AFA. Awesome network of experienced military and civilian people older than you to stay in contact with. Reserve bases and groups are a lot of fun, imo.

Obviously search and rescue helos or small planes is more serious given the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

This is such terrible awful advice. I don't think OP should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.

+1 for my generation men are expected to contribute 50% and most do. This isn’t 1950s anymore. Maybe increase your expectations?

[Anonymous]

I think you made a poor choice in a life partner - not that anything is wrong with either of you. Love isn't enough for a successful relationship. There is nothing in your OP that is a showstopper for having kids. Zillions of people have to juggle schedules and childcare. Your DH being in the USAF Reserves is not the problem. You are.

[Anonymous]

My father was an ARRS pilot in the USAFR and a lawyer in civilian life. He vía he’s the little league teams abs as very involved and we were the cool kids in the block when he would circle our house on a flight.

He was involved in multiple at sea rescues as well as the infamous Eastern Airlines Flight 401 crash in the Everglades. When he fully retired from the AFR he got a or Dion and medical benefits, which my mother now has that is in addition to her own retirement savings.

I myself will be pulling in a minimum $120K in retirement, 1/2 of which is the pension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to ask my husband to leave the Air Force Reserve. We met while he was an active duty Air Force pilot. With the reserve requirements, he’s flying 2x per month minimum and has been called out several times to do search and rescue and support for disasters like the recent tornadoes in Kentucky. He left full time active duty because it was difficult for me to start and have my career. I appreciate the sacrifice he made. However, now that I’m ready to start a family I’m afraid the Air Force Reserve duty will mane it difficult for me to be a Mom and to still continue my career. However, I’m also afraid asking him to completely give up flying will crush him. Any advice?

Real talk: this is the bed you made, you need to lie in it. HE WAS AN ACTIVE AIR FORCE PILOT WHEN YOU MET. Come on! He already left active duty for you, and now you want to make him leave the reserves. What about his career??? What about what he wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

This is such terrible awful advice. I don't think OP should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.

+1 for my generation men are expected to contribute 50% and most do. This isn’t 1950s anymore. Maybe increase your expectations?

I am early 40s. Most women my age, and my cousins 8 years younger have the same experience. Men did nothing until elementary school. I solved my problem by getting a divorce. My youngest is 7. Divorce is what made him lift a finger. My friends who expected men to actually do half the work are miserable in their marriages. Some men will do 50/50 with kids and the house, but most will not and that is reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you made a poor choice in a life partner - not that anything is wrong with either of you. Love isn't enough for a successful relationship. There is nothing in your OP that is a showstopper for having kids. Zillions of people have to juggle schedules and childcare. Your DH being in the USAF Reserves is not the problem. You are.

+1 (I am the poster who started with the phrase “Grow up….”). She should NOT ask him to quit. She is selfish. If she can’t manage the juggling a little bit while having kids, she shouldn’t have kids at all. Mothers are usually the primary parent even though people don’t want to recognize that but in most cases they are even if the mother works, so him being in the reserves really shouldn’t be that big of an issue and she can always figure it out…everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

This is such terrible awful advice. I don't think OP should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.

+1 for my generation men are expected to contribute 50% and most do. This isn’t 1950s anymore. Maybe increase your expectations?

I am early 40s. Most women my age, and my cousins 8 years younger have the same experience. Men did nothing until elementary school. I solved my problem by getting a divorce. My youngest is 7. Divorce is what made him lift a finger. My friends who expected men to actually do half the work are miserable in their marriages. Some men will do 50/50 with kids and the house, but most will not and that is reality.

So, you would ask him to quit? It maybe should just dial it back. My mother learned earth in that everything doesn’t need to be perfect and she was much happier and has a lifelong happy marriage and helped my father raise healthy, well adjusted kids. The key to happiness in life is to be grateful fue what yiu have and not constantly wanting the next “best” thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you made a poor choice in a life partner - not that anything is wrong with either of you. Love isn't enough for a successful relationship. There is nothing in your OP that is a showstopper for having kids. Zillions of people have to juggle schedules and childcare. Your DH being in the USAF Reserves is not the problem. You are.

Wow! I am gobsmacked. Someone on DCUM telling another woman like it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

This is such terrible awful advice. I don't think OP should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.

+1 for my generation men are expected to contribute 50% and most do. This isn’t 1950s anymore. Maybe increase your expectations?

I am early 40s. Most women my age, and my cousins 8 years younger have the same experience. Men did nothing until elementary school. I solved my problem by getting a divorce. My youngest is 7. Divorce is what made him lift a finger. My friends who expected men to actually do half the work are miserable in their marriages. Some men will do 50/50 with kids and the house, but most will not and that is reality.

So, you would ask him to quit? It maybe should just dial it back. My mother learned earth in that everything doesn’t need to be perfect and she was much happier and has a lifelong happy marriage and helped my father raise healthy, well adjusted kids. The key to happiness in life is to be grateful fue what yiu have and not constantly wanting the next “best” thing.

So in your world women should just settle for crumbs and be doormats. Says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

+1

+2

It’s not just about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making a huge mistake. The health care benefits alone are worth staying in. I wanted my husband to get out a few years before retirement. He said no and trust him it was worth staying in. Looking back he was right. If you cannot handle having kids, either hire help or consider not having them or more than one.

This.

[Anonymous]

My husband is currently a pilot at a legacy. He served 30 years in the Air National Guard and will start receiving a great pension at 59 1/2. He did retire as a Colonel. I would reconsider asking him to leave.

[Anonymous]

He already made a huge sacrifice and compromise for you OP. Now it's your turn. What changes can you make in your career to make motherhood and family life more feasible for you?