Want to Ask DH to Leave USAF Reserve on

[Anonymous]

I want to ask my husband to leave the Air Force Reserve. We met while he was an active duty Air Force pilot. With the reserve requirements, he’s flying 2x per month minimum and has been called out several times to do search and rescue and support for disasters like the recent tornadoes in Kentucky. He left full time active duty because it was difficult for me to start and have my career. I appreciate the sacrifice he made. However, now that I’m ready to start a family I’m afraid the Air Force Reserve duty will mane it difficult for me to be a Mom and to still continue my career. However, I’m also afraid asking him to completely give up flying will crush him. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

+1

[Anonymous]

What’s your super exciting career, and what’s his day job? He’s a pilot. If he goes to the airlines, his schedule is worse, not better. And why would you ask him to quit if you aren’t even pregnant yet?

[Anonymous]

You are making a huge mistake. The health care benefits alone are worth staying in. I wanted my husband to get out a few years before retirement. He said no and trust him it was worth staying in. Looking back he was right. If you cannot handle having kids, either hire help or consider not having them or more than one.

[Anonymous]

Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

[Anonymous]

How much time does he need to finish so he can retire with benefits? It’s worth it for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up. My ex h is in his 22nd year of reserves. I was the primary parent (still am). He was not going to do anything with kids when little especially. It had hardly any impact. I have always worked full time. There are 2 kids.

You are being silly: it is not like being a surgeon on call all the time. Many women do the bulk of parenting. If you expect otherwise, you should not have kids…it will be too much for you.

This is such terrible awful advice. I don't think OP should try to talk her H out of being out of the reserves, but to act like men are just lazy half-assed parents like you ex across the board and women should just accept this is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think he needs to give it up, but I do think the onus is on him to arrange for alternate childcare when he has to leave. So he needs to be setting up interviews with sitters and nannies, and be the one to call them and arrange things when he has to go. Also to handle his chores while he’s gone, so things like preparing extra meals and freezing them for you, cleaning the house before he goes, etc.

I’d lay out expectations beforehand and make sure he comes up with a solid plan before kids arrive. It’ll be easy for him to agree to it but then not really know what to do, or not follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much time does he need to finish so he can retire with benefits? It’s worth it for that.

This definitely. Then figure things out. If you’d like to keep working and have kids, a nanny would be great regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

100+ This is most probably in his blood and is core to who he is.
The fact he gave up active duty to support your career is a massive sacrifice especially since you don't even have kids.
FWIW most people who fly continue to do so their entire lives, even when they retire, and well into their later years as long as they are physically able.
If you expect him to give up what little flying time he has now I believe it won't be long before he finds someone else who supports HIS career and love of flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

100+ This is most probably in his blood and is core to who he is.
The fact he gave up active duty to support your career is a massive sacrifice especially since you don't even have kids.
FWIW most people who fly continue to do so their entire lives, even when they retire, and well into their later years as long as they are physically able.
If you expect him to give up what little flying time he has now I believe it won't be long before he finds someone else who supports HIS career and love of flight.

^Or he may already have one and may be asking for additional duty time to facilitate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

Besides the joy and skill of flying, Reserves are a prestigious, fun and lucrative gig. Many current and former AF pilots would love such a side position.

Please get a network of sitters, drivers, and Nannies for when he’s called up. He should help and he should frontload the help for when he must leave or spend a day practicing. His pay and benefits should more than cover it. Do the math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a pilot is who he is. Get used to it.

Yeah. Sorry. It’s in his blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to ask my husband to leave the Air Force Reserve. We met while he was an active duty Air Force pilot. With the reserve requirements, he’s flying 2x per month minimum and has been called out several times to do search and rescue and support for disasters like the recent tornadoes in Kentucky. He left full time active duty because it was difficult for me to start and have my career. I appreciate the sacrifice he made. However, now that I’m ready to start a family I’m afraid the Air Force Reserve duty will mane it difficult for me to be a Mom and to still continue my career. However, I’m also afraid asking him to completely give up flying will crush him. Any advice?

Wait, he hasn’t even been in the reserves for long and you’re already guessing you’ll be upset? Or there was one odd emergency he got to help out on recently? He prob had the freshest skills and hours in the cockpit so was on the list. Plus EVErYWHErE is hurting for staff and don’t want departures.

Thirdly, is should be a helpful and awesome community that helps each other; get social. You made it 20 years as a double working military family, you can do this!

Do you live in Bethesda? I’ll help and hook you up!