Would you marry a man with no money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did and it’s been great. He might not have maximized his earning potential (he’s a public defender), but he isn’t a financial liability - he’s a saver who isn’t into consumption. He has no ego about how much he earns and doesn’t spend my/our money to appear richer or more financial successful than he actually is. At 160k, I make more than enough money to compensate for his lower salary and we are able to fully save for retirement, have a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, adequately save for college, vacation regularly and not worry about money.

+1
You cannot marry someone who is a financial liability. A person who makes 60K, can live in that amount and save for the future in that amount, is a financially responsible person who will eventually build up wealth. A person who is a show off, gets into flawed get rich quick schemes, has debts or bills (child support) or is financially irresponsible will drag you down.

However, OP should realize that this person is working full time to earn that amount of money. If she thinks that he is going to be taking on a lot of chores at home just because he is earning less then she is in for a lot of hurt. He is not beholden to her just because she makes more money.

- SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did and it’s been great. He might not have maximized his earning potential (he’s a public defender), but he isn’t a financial liability - he’s a saver who isn’t into consumption. He has no ego about how much he earns and doesn’t spend my/our money to appear richer or more financial successful than he actually is. At 160k, I make more than enough money to compensate for his lower salary and we are able to fully save for retirement, have a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, adequately save for college, vacation regularly and not worry about money.

+1
You cannot marry someone who is a financial liability. A person who makes 60K, can live in that amount and save for the future in that amount, is a financially responsible person who will eventually build up wealth. A person who is a show off, gets into flawed get rich quick schemes, has debts or bills (child support) or is financially irresponsible will drag you down.

However, OP should realize that this person is working full time to earn that amount of money. If she thinks that he is going to be taking on a lot of chores at home just because he is earning less then she is in for a lot of hurt. He is not beholden to her just because she makes more money.

- SAHM.

Aren't most stay at home parents a financial liability? I'm not talking about trust fund SAHPs or anyone else sitting on a nest egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry a man who was wonderful, but very low earning, with little possibility of change?

Absolutely if he'd ACTUALLY make an amazing sahd. Not a sperm donor who sucks at bread winning and really sucks with kids, but being bad at his job is sufficient to delude himself that he'd make a good dad.

Seek therapy

[Anonymous]

The cost of a failed partnership outweighs gross net income. Think about the money you need to supplement to makeup for the lack of emotional support from an overworked man. Therapy is not cheap ladies.

[Anonymous]

I could, but I would not advise any woman too. Because most women are doormats and will end up with a man who brings in little and does little at home.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more about shared values. If you value ambition, you will be irritated by a man who has none. If ambition to you is tied to wealth, then no amount of success will compensate for that lack of income. If success to you has more to do with prestige or respect, then lots of different jobs might fit that bill. Same if success means helping others or making a difference. I wanted to marry a smart, hard-working man, and I did. We took turns in the early years prioritizing our respective careers. First I got him through graduate school, then he got me through graduate school. Took us 15 years to pay off those loans. I stayed home for a couple years with babies, which meant living in a one-bedroom rental for a while to make it work. Now my career is front and center in our household and he's taking on the lion's share of child care duties. We did get some lucky breaks. We bought a tiny house before everything went crazy and we were able to sell it for enough profit to pay off the rest of our loans and get a slightly bigger house. Neither of us is materialistic, but we both like to travel and want to help our kids pay for college to the extent we can. Anyway, long way of saying that my values were intelligence, equal partnership/respect even if that means taking turns assuming the household/child care/financial burdens, working hard, wanting experiences over things, and education. We share all of those values and so we're happy. If either one of us was a spendthrift, or pouting that our friend A or friend B had a bigger house or nicer car, or we didn't see men and women as equal contributors, then it wouldn't have worked. Nothing wrong with valuing money, but if that's a big priority, you won't be happy with a low earner.

[Anonymous]

“Tryin’ to get with me,
with no money?
Oh no! Don’t want no scrubs!”

- TLC

[Anonymous]

I’d think really hard about it and do some soul searching. Are you ok going back to work the minute paid maternity leave is over (assuming your job offers it)? Are you ok with a modest lifestyle? Are you ok with your kids having student loans (this is the one that would deal break it for me). If you are AND he’s a good person AND as others have said the “bills” you reference aren’t child support, gambling debt, or credit card debt I think you can move forward. Do it with your eyes wide open though because you’re making this decision for “future you” as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is only good for sex and DH is only good for money so no.

I stopped trying to earn more money when wife stopped wanting sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you considering low earning? And what is your salary and potential?

He makes $60k, I make $150k. He also has a lot of bills. Other than this he really great and treats me wonderfully.

Do either of you have kids or want kids? If you don’t have kids or plan to have kids, than 210K as DINKS is really a lot of money, there isn’t as much work to split up other than cooking and basic cleaning, and you can mostly operate careers independently (i.e. you can take on more responsibility at work or work late without it meaning more household/kid related duties onto the other person). Also, how much debt and are you both spenders or savers? If someone spends everything they make, it doesn’t matter if it’s 60K or 100K, what’s left is the same.

So in short, if kids aren’t part of the equation, then I would provided that he isn’t a financial liability and is good with his money. If kids are part of it, there are a lot of other things that have to be considered.

[Anonymous]

how old are you guys? I married my DH when we were 27 and each making $50,000/year. The important thing is that you're honest with each other about your debt and willing to work together to budget for things you value and future goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No absolutely not
Never


You’ll be miserable


And you’ll always be the bread winner, you’ll hold resentment for that exact reason and always fee superior to that person.


No

What would you think if the question "were would you marry a woman with no money/" and men gave this answer? So much for enlightened feminism and equal treatment.

+1

I wouldn’t think anything of it. There are plenty of men who prefer to date women who have money and won’t date someone who makes minimum wage.

Don’t pretend that only women care about this because it’s not true.

Exactly. I think $60k is actually less than minimum wage, is he a migrant worker?

Could be your kid’s teacher, a nurse administering your meds, a firefighter who shows up to save your sorry, out-of touch life…

So many working class professions…

[Anonymous]

Not the people you see at CCC.

[Anonymous]

Is he financially responsible and living within his means?
Yes…then maybe
I would not share finances and maybe sign a prenup. That being said, my dh was making 50k a year when we married, he now makes 7 figures, 15 years later. Money isn’t important but it sure makes problems easier.

[Anonymous]

It's super hard and I don't recommend it. My DH had big income potential but depression and I suspect undiagnosed ADHD has resulted in someone who works maybe 15 hours a week for a pittance. My income has more than tripled in the same period and I received a big inheritance so overall we are fine but it's a huge point of contention. Honestly, if I had to do it over, I would have set some very strict limits/expectations up front on his income v. spending and if he couldn't accept them then we wouldn't have married. I was unfortunately very slow to realize the extent of his lack of drive. He talks a great game but there is no action to back it up.