Would you marry a man with no money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not recommend it. My DH is a teacher and his low wages really hurt our family. I make 200K and he is at 75K. I dream of the things me and the kids could do if he made equal pay. The difference definitely builds resentment and my husband has no interest in switching careers to earn more money for his family.

You sound awful

no, she sounds like a realist.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

He would have to be able to pay his share of everything. I don't make a ton of money but I pay my own bills. I'm not at all interested in supporting an adult, nor do I want to be supported by one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

I am one of the posters above who wrote that I married a much lower earning man. But in your circumstances, I wouldn't, if only because you are then on the hook for the kids' college tuition. Your income will be counted in determining any financial aid for them in private colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a woman who wants children and is okay with being the permanent breadwinner. It is coded into DNA and I honestly don’t see one generation of feminists overcoming hardwired subconscious disdain for low-performing men.

Hi, nice to meet you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry a man who was wonderful, but very low earning, with little possibility of change?

No.

What’s his issue that he has no drive or interest in making something of himself? Does he want to be a caretaker if children and is he good at it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's super hard and I don't recommend it. My DH had big income potential but depression and I suspect undiagnosed ADHD has resulted in someone who works maybe 15 hours a week for a pittance. My income has more than tripled in the same period and I received a big inheritance so overall we are fine but it's a huge point of contention. Honestly, if I had to do it over, I would have set some very strict limits/expectations up front on his income v. spending and if he couldn't accept them then we wouldn't have married. I was unfortunately very slow to realize the extent of his lack of drive. He talks a great game but there is no action to back it up.

I see this pretty often, actually - a few of my women friends from HS/college are lawyers, doctors or are mid-level execs and have husbands who peaked 1-2 years after undergraduate. Most of them still love their husbands but a few have admitted that while they cherish their kids, they'd rethink their marriage based on the do-nothing SAH Dad. Some will probably kick them to the curb in the next few years. They're tired of being the last line of defense if something goes awry.

[Anonymous]

In your case, I would not marry him. There's no reason to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. But a good deal of that probably has to do with me being a guy and not gay.

this question wasn't for you then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never marry a man that makes so little let alone that much less than me. If I decide to divorce him I would be on the losing end of the asset split. Why set myself up that way.

Lol, and when men make this argument, it's rooted in misogyny and discounts the value of women's unpaid labor. HY-PO-CRITES!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Additional info…….he’s 43, divorced with two kids. We do not want more kids. $60k really does not go far in DC. I earn enough to take care of myself well, but I just feel apprehensive about having added pressure to maintain and increase earnings should we marry. He is very self sufficient and takes excellent care of household matters. He’s also very kind and a great father. Things are wonderful while dating, but I’m concerned the dynamic might change if married.

I am one of the posters above who wrote that I married a much lower earning man. But in your circumstances, I wouldn't, if only because you are then on the hook for the kids' college tuition. Your income will be counted in determining any financial aid for them in private colleges.

It totally depends what his ex wife's circumstances are. How much money does she make? Any family money in the mix? Does he need to pay child support or is he the one receiving alimony?

The fact that he's a good partner potentially outweighs the salary issue, OP. At your age I wouldn't scoff at someone who is kind and good around the house and who you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never marry a man that makes so little let alone that much less than me. If I decide to divorce him I would be on the losing end of the asset split. Why set myself up that way.

Lol, and when men make this argument, it's rooted in misogyny and discounts the value of women's unpaid labor. HY-PO-CRITES!!

When I meet a man who does unpaid labor I’ll review my thinking on this.

[Anonymous]

It’s not the $60k that’s a problem, it’s the baggage. Agree with the committed relationship but not marriage posters. Marriage to this guy would be a bad deal for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never met a woman who wants children and is okay with being the permanent breadwinner. It is coded into DNA and I honestly don’t see one generation of feminists overcoming hardwired subconscious disdain for low-performing men.

Hi, nice to meet you.

NP, I am also pleased to meet you. And he is NOT low-performing in the ... you know. Wonder why "low-performing men" is on your brain.

[Anonymous]

no