School accused my 8 yo DD of stealing a tablet and threatened her with a “permanent record”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

Good for you. So glad that your nanny and her daughter had someone to advocate for them. Too many people with language issues get abused, lost and forgotten in our society and our system.

If you are up to it, I would also suggest that you might want to offer to your nanny that if they get a meeting with the school administration, that you would be willing to go along for support and to help translate in case there are language issues. I know that with my mother (who was an immigrant), that even after being in the US and speaking colloquial English for many years, that sometimes the language used by school administration were terms or concepts that were hard to understand or translate via colloquial English. So, if you are willing to go along, you might want to offer.

If both nanny and child were reduced to tears the day after, they are obviously under a lot of stress and anxiety from the terrible behavior of the school staff and could probably use the support.

[Anonymous]

This made me mad. OP document everything that happened in writing. Get written proof from them about the iPad situation. Demand a meeting with the principal. Email the super Intendant. Escalate to the school board if nothing happens. If possible asked to be transferred to a different school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d want to talk to the person who said “permanent record” because I would want to tell them that they are an absolute fool.

Something similar happened to my son in fourth grade…library book not checked back in (librarian didn’t scan it, just tossed on shelf) and they refused to let him check out a new book and accused him of losing it. He let them have it, he was not having any accusations that he lost it. They hauled him to the principal’s office and he let her have it too. About this time they found the book and had to apologize to him and he let them have it all over again…called them “too incompetent to work with children.”

They had to call and inform me of the situation…I told them I think he said all that needed to be said and I agreed with him.

And yes, he’s still a major loundmouth.

He sounds like a disrespectful jerk. There are ways to stand up for yourself without being an a**. But looks like you raised him to act like a brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d want to talk to the person who said “permanent record” because I would want to tell them that they are an absolute fool.

Something similar happened to my son in fourth grade…library book not checked back in (librarian didn’t scan it, just tossed on shelf) and they refused to let him check out a new book and accused him of losing it. He let them have it, he was not having any accusations that he lost it. They hauled him to the principal’s office and he let her have it too. About this time they found the book and had to apologize to him and he let them have it all over again…called them “too incompetent to work with children.”

They had to call and inform me of the situation…I told them I think he said all that needed to be said and I agreed with him.

And yes, he’s still a major loundmouth.

He sounds like a disrespectful jerk. There are ways to stand up for yourself without being an a**. But looks like you raised him to act like a brat.

NP here. This honestly sounds hilarious. I bet one of the parents is a lawyer. I doubt this kid is a brat, though with kids like this you just have to guide them to make sure they use their "powers" for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

Good for you. So glad that your nanny and her daughter had someone to advocate for them. Too many people with language issues get abused, lost and forgotten in our society and our system.

If you are up to it, I would also suggest that you might want to offer to your nanny that if they get a meeting with the school administration, that you would be willing to go along for support and to help translate in case there are language issues. I know that with my mother (who was an immigrant), that even after being in the US and speaking colloquial English for many years, that sometimes the language used by school administration were terms or concepts that were hard to understand or translate via colloquial English. So, if you are willing to go along, you might want to offer.

If both nanny and child were reduced to tears the day after, they are obviously under a lot of stress and anxiety from the terrible behavior of the school staff and could probably use the support.

+1. Good for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Actually permanent records do exist. My school has file cabinets with them. And we’ve had calls to verify attendance from 30 years ago, provide information for custody cases. etc. They have biographical info, grades, IEP paperwork, standardized test information, etc.

[Anonymous]

You need to CC the special Ed coordinator. That is the only person who will care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

NP can I have you as my parenting coach??

[Anonymous]

I do think it's possible the 8-year-old has misinterpreted what actually happened. (I arrived in the US with 1 year of English instruction at age 11.)

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by all the people who would just write this off. I'm pretty laid back (really!) but this was an 8 year old being accused of stealing something quite valuable. This conversation should not have happened without a parent present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

Good for you. So glad that your nanny and her daughter had someone to advocate for them. Too many people with language issues get abused, lost and forgotten in our society and our system.

If you are up to it, I would also suggest that you might want to offer to your nanny that if they get a meeting with the school administration, that you would be willing to go along for support and to help translate in case there are language issues. I know that with my mother (who was an immigrant), that even after being in the US and speaking colloquial English for many years, that sometimes the language used by school administration were terms or concepts that were hard to understand or translate via colloquial English. So, if you are willing to go along, you might want to offer.

If both nanny and child were reduced to tears the day after, they are obviously under a lot of stress and anxiety from the terrible behavior of the school staff and could probably use the support.

Well said and I completely agree. OP, your nanny is so fortunate to have you in her corner. I agree that if you can it would be really good if you could attend the meeting. If you cannot, then you should find out if there is a parent liaison at the school who could be there to advocate for your nanny and her child. Or if you cannot be there in person then perhaps you could participate via speaker phone?

THANK YOU for stepping up and advocating for your nanny and her child. It takes a village to make a strong community and you are your nanny's best pillar of support right now. Good job! Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually permanent records do exist. My school has file cabinets with them. And we’ve had calls to verify attendance from 30 years ago, provide information for custody cases. etc. They have biographical info, grades, IEP paperwork, standardized test information, etc.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by all the people who would just write this off. I'm pretty laid back (really!) but this was an 8 year old being accused of stealing something quite valuable. This conversation should not have happened without a parent present.

The school knows that, and does so on purpose. Par for the course. OP, is this FCPS?

[Anonymous]

You are right to be upset, OP. They never should have had this conversation with her without you present. And the fact that it was their own screw-up just makes it even more frustrating.

I would definitely be lighting some inboxes on fire right now.