School accused my 8 yo DD of stealing a tablet and threatened her with a “permanent record”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

6) don’t trust authority figures

7) if you get called into the office demand they call you parents and refuse to talk

I think this is the key takeaway. If she gets called to the office or is ever in a situation where she feels even slightly uncomfortable, she can ask for her parents to be present. I feel this is something that’s drilled into rich kids but the rest of us keep trying to teach “independence.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know where you live or if this would be realistic for you, but in your shoes I would seriously consider pulling her and switching to catholic school or a private school you can afford. I can’t imagine what is wrong with those people when their “evidence” of her thievery is their own records showing they gave her a second laptop. I mean, wtf?

Wouldn't a Catholic school gone straight to caning in this instance? Or do they slap you on the hands with a ruler now?

Good luck with a Catholic school knowing how to treat a child with disabilities.

One of my acquaintances got a job teaching at a Catholic school even though she had never taught before. She doesn't believe disabilities exist. Her kids are a nightmare and were constantly in trouble at school. She was was not brought back for a second year because of some horrible things she did. She was obsessed with a student who she felt was overly stressed and she attacked the parents. She was told to stop and would not. I can not fathom what the parents and students went through dealing with her for a year. Btw, she a guidance counsellor in a public school now. She is the second crazy person I know who bounced around from job to job until getting a job as a guidance counsellor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

6) don’t trust authority figures

7) if you get called into the office demand they call you parents and refuse to talk

I think this is the key takeaway. If she gets called to the office or is ever in a situation where she feels even slightly uncomfortable, she can ask for her parents to be present. I feel this is something that’s drilled into rich kids but the rest of us keep trying to teach “independence.”

This was at school, not a police station.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it was very traumatic. Is there a school counselor or a counselor outside of school that she can talk to? They were trying to scare her into talking. At her age I would have admitted to it even if I hadn't done it because I would have been so scared and didn't want to disappoint anyone in authority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

6) don’t trust authority figures

7) if you get called into the office demand they call you parents and refuse to talk

I think this is the key takeaway. If she gets called to the office or is ever in a situation where she feels even slightly uncomfortable, she can ask for her parents to be present. I feel this is something that’s drilled into rich kids but the rest of us keep trying to teach “independence.”

This was at school, not a police station.

The difference is razor thin if you aren’t white and UMC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know where you live or if this would be realistic for you, but in your shoes I would seriously consider pulling her and switching to catholic school or a private school you can afford. I can’t imagine what is wrong with those people when their “evidence” of her thievery is their own records showing they gave her a second laptop. I mean, wtf?

Wouldn't a Catholic school gone straight to caning in this instance? Or do they slap you on the hands with a ruler now?

Good luck with a Catholic school knowing how to treat a child with disabilities.

One of my acquaintances got a job teaching at a Catholic school even though she had never taught before. She doesn't believe disabilities exist. Her kids are a nightmare and were constantly in trouble at school. She was was not brought back for a second year because of some horrible things she did. She was obsessed with a student who she felt was overly stressed and she attacked the parents. She was told to stop and would not. I can not fathom what the parents and students went through dealing with her for a year. Btw, she a guidance counsellor in a public school now. She is the second crazy person I know who bounced around from job to job until getting a job as a guidance counsellor.

Some Catholic schools are much better with disabled children than the public schools. Keep in mind that the Catholic schools were educating kids with intellectual disabilities when public schools refused kids with ID entrance and told their parents to institutionalize. There is a history of Catholic schools educating kids with disabilities that is longer than that of the public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know where you live or if this would be realistic for you, but in your shoes I would seriously consider pulling her and switching to catholic school or a private school you can afford. I can’t imagine what is wrong with those people when their “evidence” of her thievery is their own records showing they gave her a second laptop. I mean, wtf?

Wouldn't a Catholic school gone straight to caning in this instance? Or do they slap you on the hands with a ruler now?

Good luck with a Catholic school knowing how to treat a child with disabilities.

One of my acquaintances got a job teaching at a Catholic school even though she had never taught before. She doesn't believe disabilities exist. Her kids are a nightmare and were constantly in trouble at school. She was was not brought back for a second year because of some horrible things she did. She was obsessed with a student who she felt was overly stressed and she attacked the parents. She was told to stop and would not. I can not fathom what the parents and students went through dealing with her for a year. Btw, she a guidance counsellor in a public school now. She is the second crazy person I know who bounced around from job to job until getting a job as a guidance counsellor.

Well, your "friend" sounds like a terrible person.
My daughter has dyslexia and dysgraphia. She attends a local catholic school. She has a written Accommodations plan and we have quarterly meetings to discuss what supports she needs. The school is supportive and responsive.

Not every catholic school is alike, but neither is every public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

Excellent list.

Agree. They made a mistake and they apologized. What more do you want? If you need a better understanding of the events, by all means call. But an Apology is all you’re getting and you got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know where you live or if this would be realistic for you, but in your shoes I would seriously consider pulling her and switching to catholic school or a private school you can afford. I can’t imagine what is wrong with those people when their “evidence” of her thievery is their own records showing they gave her a second laptop. I mean, wtf?

Op here. This is absolutely on the table.

If your child has a DD and and IEP, tread lightly here. You’re going to lose services unless you go to a special need school. Don’t make this bigger than it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want it on THEIR permanent record that they scared a small child and threatened her even though they knew she did absolutely nothing wrong. I would certainly be writing emails, CCing everyone up to the superintendent.

+1

Actually because the daughter is on the IEP, this needs to be fully documented. Trust me when I say that you cannot trust the school here, and you need this documented for the next time they try to harm your daughter (which they will).

+2

And miss me with lecturing the kid about forgiveness. It’s an institution, it doesn’t need to be forgiven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

Excellent list.

Agree. They made a mistake and they apologized. What more do you want? If you need a better understanding of the events, by all means call. But an Apology is all you’re getting and you got it.

If I were op I’d be looking at other schools. Basically they’ve shown that they are incompetent. This wasn’t a single error, this was multi-layered. They incorrectly recorded the original computer they took back to be repaired as still with the child. They pulled the 8 yo into the office to discuss it instead of going strictly through the parent. They had already talked to the parent and somehow forget. They accused the 8 year old of being a thief and tried to scare her. Maybe if they made just one of those mistakes an apology would be enough. They have to be really messed up to make all of them. I don’t think op is in a position to fix this. In her shoes I’d just bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

Excellent list.

Agree. They made a mistake and they apologized. What more do you want? If you need a better understanding of the events, by all means call. But an Apology is all you’re getting and you got it.

Op here. The school says they apologized but DD says they did not. The issue is not that they had the computer and did not realize it. The issue is that they accused DD of stealing the computer and threatened her. This was all after I told the school we never had 2 computers. It was fine for them to ask, and fine for them to be mistaken about where it was. Not fine for them to have pursued it so aggressively with DD or used the word “thief” to describe her.

Even if we did have both computers, why would they immediately jump to saying we STOLE the computer, rather than it having been misplaced? This was more than just a simple error on the school’s part.

[Anonymous]

I would request a meeting with the specific person who accused your child of stealing and I would make it an extremely uncomfortable hour for them. Once they can explain what they did wrong, how they will fix the problem so it does not happen again, explain why they lied about the apology, apologize to your child with you present, and apologize to you, I would feel okay dropping it and moving on.

[Anonymous]

Op who is “they”? Was this one person or multiple school employees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

This, good lord. I'm sorry the child's feelings were hurt but this is not something to sit around writing emails (and going "up the chain" about. They apologized, show some grace and move on.