School accused my 8 yo DD of stealing a tablet and threatened her with a “permanent record”

[Anonymous]

That is a horrible way for the school to handle. I would put my daughter in another school. What a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Have a meeting with the school and document document document what happened. Make sure they apologize to your daughter and that this doesn't go on her record.

No point in documenting. For what purpose? Sheesh.

They forgot they talked to mom yesterday, how do you know they aren’t going to forget they found the iPad?

This AND they didn’t document the iPad exchange. Obviously they’re shit at record-keeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

6) Picking and choosing our battles. What is to be won by fighting? If the apologized, they apologized. It's done

I agree. But still show her a lot of empathy, because that sounds like it was scary to her.

[Anonymous]

I was suspended from school in 6th grade. I was also told it would go in my permanent record. Guess what: There is no such thing! If you get in trouble in HS there is but not elementary or middle school.

The school should not accuse kids without proof. Agree with others, meet and document.

[Anonymous]

I would have read them the riot act. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to me when I was a senior in high school. I was turning in a textbook that lost its bar code sticker during the year. They accuse me of stealing the book, told me they couldn't be sure it was the same book they gave me at the start of the year, insisted I pay full replacement cost, and said they wouldn't give me my diploma until I did. There was no benefit of the doubt given to me whatsoever, a kid with no "permanent record" prior and no history of any problems at the school. My mom had to go down and read them the riot act and suddenly all was well, they accepted the book, and I graduated and got my diploma. Some people just get on a power trip and take it too far.

[Anonymous]

I’d want to talk to the person who said “permanent record” because I would want to tell them that they are an absolute fool.

Something similar happened to my son in fourth grade…library book not checked back in (librarian didn’t scan it, just tossed on shelf) and they refused to let him check out a new book and accused him of losing it. He let them have it, he was not having any accusations that he lost it. They hauled him to the principal’s office and he let her have it too. About this time they found the book and had to apologize to him and he let them have it all over again…called them “too incompetent to work with children.”

They had to call and inform me of the situation…I told them I think he said all that needed to be said and I agreed with him.

And yes, he’s still a major loundmouth.

[Anonymous]

Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want it on THEIR permanent record that they scared a small child and threatened her even though they knew she did absolutely nothing wrong. I would certainly be writing emails, CCing everyone up to the superintendent.

+1

Actually because the daughter is on the IEP, this needs to be fully documented. Trust me when I say that you cannot trust the school here, and you need this documented for the next time they try to harm your daughter (which they will).

I have a child with an IEP and we've only had great experiences where teachers had my son's back. BUT... I agree that this school administration has shown their true colors, and that you need to document this, demand a meeting with the people involved so that they apologize right there in your presence to your child, and also acknowledge that there is no such thing as permanent record, and that such language was abusive and led to a child being unfairly targeted and scared.

You must do this, not because the incident is in itself very important, but because they need to know you are the kind of parent that will tolerate no indignities to your child. The vulnerable who cannot defend themselves are always downtrodden in this world.

[Anonymous]

I would be furious OP. agree with this:
"I'd make a stink about it and document it in a letter to the principal, cc'd to the school administration if I was not satisfied with the apology."

Make the person who accused her apologize to her in front of you.

Tell them that in the future unless it's a matter of immediate health and safety, YOU are to be given the opportunity to sit in on any disciplinary meetings they feel are necessary for your child. She's 8 FFS!

Honestly I would get the idiot who chose to go all "Criminal Intent" on my child at that age fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at permanent record. I mean, I am sorry because I am sure that was traumatizing to be called into the office. But LOLOLOL at “permanent record.”

Op here. I mean she’s 8 years old and was alone, and also, we had ALREADY told them she never had two tablets, and it all ended up being the school’s fault.

I should also mention that she has a developmental disability and is on an IEP and we are not native English speakers.

Frame it as a learning experience to her. A valuable one at that. That:

1) People make mistakes, even adults

2) People say things they later regret

3) We should forgive

4) Forgiveness means we give 2nd chance, but not same as forgetting

5) Some people do steal, so she should watch her electronics

Excellent list.

Agree. They made a mistake and they apologized. What more do you want? If you need a better understanding of the events, by all means call. But an Apology is all you’re getting and you got it.

What I want is for it to be handled differently next time. - different poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Write about it on parent listserv. Write a letter to teacher, principal, superintendent, BOE or trustees and demand a written apology.

If your kid was a minority it could very well be implicit racism. Create a stink until they give an apology in writing.

Hornet nest. You need to do it once to make it clear that you are a mama 🐻

Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

Good for you OP! I applaud you taking action for what is right.

[Anonymous]

Meet with them. Document next time. Take pictures or video of the exchange. This is why we try to avoid using school stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Ok so full disclosure, this is actually my nanny and her DD, and yes they are brown, and both nanny and DD do not speak English well as they are recent immigrants (especially mom-DD is making progress). I’m just so angry about this situation and I do feel it’s racism. Mom and DD were sobbing about it the day that it happened.

I ghost wrote a letter for them in English (I speak their native language) and tracked down email addresses for the principal and superintendent and helped them get it sent off. I just laid out the facts and their requests for the situation to be remedied (they want an in person meeting and apology, as well as an explanation about how this happened and what they will do to prevent it from ever happening again, and also they do not want DD to be alone in any future disciplinary meetings with the school). I offered to go with them to any meetings if they want.

The school acknowledged receipt of the email and they say they are looking into it and will revert.

Thanks for all the advice here, I borrowed some of the language I got from this thread in crafting the email.

Good for you OP! I applaud you taking action for what is right.

+1 OP. I hope that not only the administration, but also the IEP team will take your letter and follow-up very seriously.