Appropriate child support for this situation
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Anonymous
Because that is not how child support works. Even if OP and her Ex were still married no child is owed a premium lifestyle. |
Anonymous
Of course no child is owed a premium lifestyle. Is it legal for noncustodial parent to pay absolutely minimum? Sure it is. But please tell me how it is NOT a jerk move to cut your kid off from activities and familiar school and friends, just because they are no longer with the other parent, when you can easily afford to provide those things. Especially if they have no other obligations or dependents. |
Anonymous
Correct Parents have to provide basics for kids to get by. Some father's prioritize country club to private school fees. Not illegal Others only provide clothing from Walmart, some from designer stores. Lifestyle choice. Some wealthy people have the fancy car, country club membership, expensive vacations and yacht and holiday house, but are very frugal when it comes to kids expenses, demand they work, do chores even when the household has a housekeeper |
Anonymous
OP’s question was not about what is legally required. OP should not expect to have the same lifestyle as before and obviously doesn’t because the other parent is no longer there to help with housework, cooking, and driving kids around. But what about the kids? |
Anonymous
Kids lifestyle is also impacted by divorce. Mom is on her own and dad provides what is required by law. His support is for the kids expenses, which is something the custodial parent also pays for. |
Anonymous
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Op, you may be fantasizing what a life in $240k with two kids is like.
At that price point, you are spending max $3500 on housing (which can get you decent housing in a decent neighborhood with good schools in the surburbs - I don’t know DC well), but you are not spending $1k per month on activities, maybe $2-300 per month for both kids. If you are spending on 2 households, then the budget gets tighter. If there are things you aren’t able to afford for your children, ask their other parent to pay for them. I understand it’s a hassle to have to justify the expenses, but hopefully their parent will be more open to it if they see how it directly benefits their children. I have a stepchild and my DH was very willing to pay for extra items and activities for his child, but he didn’t just want to write a check for whatever his chid’s mother wanted. There are natural disagreements - I remember one argument where the mother wanted to spend $800 on a birthday party and my DH did not agree. From her point of view, it was consistent with what his friends were throwing, but from his point of view it was an over-the-top expense. This is the type of thing which child support is meant to avoid - you don’t have to justify how you spend the money, but then it’s not meant to have lots of “extras” built into it. For those, you will likely have to negotiate. |
Anonymous
Yes, you are right. The system, however, does not care about this because it believes that one parent (usually the woman) should provide all the resources to raise a child for free. You have identified the structural sexism in our current child custody/child rearing systems. Women still do the vast amount of child reading and use sick and vacation leave to do so because we have no paid family medical leave, or we dial down our careers or leave the workforce. This in turn affects our career opportunities because we are less available for work opportunities and we are perceived as being less committed to the company and our careers. Because of that we don’t get promoted or given pay raises as much. Later in life, after the kids are raised, our lack of career success further hobbles us because we are perceived as being behind the career track because we were not capable instead of merely being unavailable. Because we have lower earnings and are less often receiving benefits, we have lower retirement resources and more often end up in poverty. Your only way out of this is negotiating an amount above child support minimums with the non-custodial parent. Good luck with that. I am also a parent with full custody of the kids. Right now the father of my kids is on a 6 week overseas assignment that he gave me 5 days notice about. His career is great because for the entire life of my kids, he has been able to take multiple overseas work trips for weeks at a time on short notice. My career? It collapsed because he does not provide me with the same support when I have similar opportunities. |
Anonymous
Fathers, like mothers, who are divorced get to choose how they spend their money. OP ex-husband pays child support and OP gets to decide how it is spent. If Dad wants to pay more on top, great, but OP and their kids are not entitled to anything more. We spend a lot on activities but our kids know that if we need to do reductions in expenses it will be one of the first things to go. Its a lifestyle choice as you are saying and we'd rather do activities than fancy vacations, fancy clothing and a fancy house. |
Anonymous
What are you ranting about? You don't get paid to take care of your kids. You have full custody. So, since you have full custody, he can do what he wants when he wants as he doesn't have custody. That was on you for demanding full custody and not having him share custody. That is what full custody means. He is under no obligation to provide you with any support and at best, he gets some visitation. Child support is not a salary. If you need more money, get a better job. Simple. Go back to school in a higher paying field. We have paid family medical leave. We have paid leave. With most professional jobs you are allowed sick/annual leave and you save it for when you need it. If you choose to go on a two week vacation then need two weeks off for illness too bad. |
Anonymous
If you want the kids to live the lifestyle of the father, the kids should live with the father. You get child support to equal things out in your home. That is how child support works. |
Anonymous
Mom has full custody and Dad has visits at best. Dad really isn't a Dad beyond the child support check. If you want shared expenses, then you share expenses. You cannot expect child support and then Dad to pay for everything you demand on top of that. Dad also needs his own housing, money and savings too. If you want the kids to benefit from Dad's income more than child support, encourage the relationships. Every other weekend is not a relationship. |
Anonymous
NP but the poster you’re responding to is spot on in her assessment of the weaknesses of our current system and how it disadvantages women. You sound like a jerk. Who is the we you’re referring to? Many jobs in the US do not have that. |
Anonymous
Agree, but that's also a separate issue. I don't think that is OP posting. I think that is someone else. We do spend a lot on activities but its our choice and our kids understand that its a luxury and we make other sacrifices to pay for it. |
Anonymous
OP has a professional job if she is making that much money. She has leave. How she chooses to use it is on her. You are a jerk for victimizing women. If you choose full custody, then your kids are 100% your sole responsibility So, stop complaining about it. |
Anonymous
Yes it is fair. And I read your other whiny post. It seems like you didn’t think through the reality of divorce and the impact on being a single parent with a single income. Child support is not meant to cover every single expense related to your children. It is a portion and you also must be contributing a portion. You can’t pretend your situation has not changed both in term so financial impact and career impact. I always warn friends who are thinking of divorce to really think it through and understand what is going to happen and what their situation will really be post divorce. |