Aloof neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From your description I would avoid you at all costs if I was your neighbor.

I would not like someone to bring me a gift when I first move in because now I owe you. Next you will be dropping your kids off for me to watch.

This is really a gross mindset.

[Anonymous]

OP, among my dozen good friends as an adult are two who were childhood friends. Because we were neighborhood friends. Since we were little. I understand what you want. What you're looking for. But it's really just luck if it works out that way. There were plenty of kids and families in that childhood neighborhood that were difficult.

As an adult now, I think I see the value, instead, of a neighborhood of acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've lived in our neighborhood for 10 years. I feel that our neighborhood is cold, aloof and unfriendly. I want to get to know our neighbors better but I feel like they are not interested. Here's an example of why I think this:

Three years ago we got new neighbors on one side. We have two kids, at the time, ages 5 and 7. One week after they moved in we all went over with a lovely gift basket and introduced ourselves. This was pre-Covid. We had a quick chat for 5 minutes and they didn't invite us in. Since then we've never actually talked to them again, and this was 3 years ago. They are never outside. They now have two kids, ages 1 and 3. Did they decide in those 5 minutes that they didn't like us and we weren't worth getting to know? Pre-Covid we had a few backyard BBQs and invited them. They never RSVP'd and ignored the invites. Occasionally we'll see them taking their trash cans down and we'll wave and they'll wave back and that's it.

Two years ago we got new neighbors on the other side. At the time our kids were 6 and 8. They had one kid, age 2. The week after they moved in we went over to their house and brought them a welcome gift basket. We talked on their driveway for about 20 minutes. We've seen them out walking maybe twice since then, and had a quick 2 minute chat--pleasant but not friendly. All summer they had deck parties and they never once invited us. We never see them outside.

We are outside playing in our yard or gardening all the time, and when a neighbor walks by, we say hello and have a quick chat. But we have no friends in the neighborhood at all. Do people just not like us? We thought we were doing a nice gesture by taking over the welcome baskets and welcoming them to the neighborhood but it didn't seem like it was appreciated. We're even on the HOA committee to try to get to know neighbors. Over the summer I sent out an email to a few families in the neighborhood directory who had kids to see if they wanted to meet up for a backyard playdate, no one responded. I feel bad that my kids have no friends in the neighborhood and don't really know any of the kids.

What would you think in this situation?

I like not knowing my neighbors beyond a polite nod when we pass each other. They have their lives, I have my life.

I've noticed that the more well off an area, the less likely neighbors are going to know each other and make an effort to be friends. My parents have lived in the same house for 30 years and two of their neighbors preceded them and they still only know them by sight. And that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The length and detailed observations alone make me think you’re likely a nosy, clingy type.

I have some friendly neighbors, and some keep to themselves. I don’t try to force conversation on those who keep to themselves. I give them a smile and a wave and move on with my day.

One of our quietest neighbors who never chats is also the one who told us he saw someone trying to get into our car. So he’s a good neighbor, just a quiet one.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to be friends with someone as edgy as you. The OP isn't forcing conversation on anyone so whether you don't is completely irrelevant. And she never implied being quiet is indicative of being a bad neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've lived in our neighborhood for 10 years. I feel that our neighborhood is cold, aloof and unfriendly. I want to get to know our neighbors better but I feel like they are not interested. Here's an example of why I think this:

Three years ago we got new neighbors on one side. We have two kids, at the time, ages 5 and 7. One week after they moved in we all went over with a lovely gift basket and introduced ourselves. This was pre-Covid. We had a quick chat for 5 minutes and they didn't invite us in. Since then we've never actually talked to them again, and this was 3 years ago. They are never outside. They now have two kids, ages 1 and 3. Did they decide in those 5 minutes that they didn't like us and we weren't worth getting to know? Pre-Covid we had a few backyard BBQs and invited them. They never RSVP'd and ignored the invites. Occasionally we'll see them taking their trash cans down and we'll wave and they'll wave back and that's it.

Two years ago we got new neighbors on the other side. At the time our kids were 6 and 8. They had one kid, age 2. The week after they moved in we went over to their house and brought them a welcome gift basket. We talked on their driveway for about 20 minutes. We've seen them out walking maybe twice since then, and had a quick 2 minute chat--pleasant but not friendly. All summer they had deck parties and they never once invited us. We never see them outside.

We are outside playing in our yard or gardening all the time, and when a neighbor walks by, we say hello and have a quick chat. But we have no friends in the neighborhood at all. Do people just not like us? We thought we were doing a nice gesture by taking over the welcome baskets and welcoming them to the neighborhood but it didn't seem like it was appreciated. We're even on the HOA committee to try to get to know neighbors. Over the summer I sent out an email to a few families in the neighborhood directory who had kids to see if they wanted to meet up for a backyard playdate, no one responded. I feel bad that my kids have no friends in the neighborhood and don't really know any of the kids.

What would you think in this situation?

I felt every sentence in this. Very similar situation for us in our new neighborhood. I miss our old community so much. We grew up differently I think. Our neighbors used to be like family. I just wanted to reach out and say you’re not nosey or clingy or anything else, these unfortunately aren’t your people. Keep searching!

[Anonymous]

It's DC. Everyone facebook, google and linkedin stalks you and if they deem you worthless to their social and career climbing, they ghost you. Trust me, your "aloof" neighbors wouldn't be so aloof if Jake Tapper moved in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From your description I would avoid you at all costs if I was your neighbor.

I would not like someone to bring me a gift when I first move in because now I owe you. Next you will be dropping your kids off for me to watch.

Np I find this sad because when I ever gave neighbors gifts it was without strings and in fact I have never asked anyone that I gave something to to do something for me. I do agree that the neighbors are being careful because for all you know their previous neighbors were close and then the relationship went south and nothing worse to have stress when you walk out the door. My neighbors have drama and are either super friendly ( inviting us to barbeques) or complaining to us about our slow snow removal so we try to keep it low key and stay away ( smile and wave)

[Anonymous]

Your neighbors could be like me OP. I would like to have what my parents had - backyard bbqs with the neighbors, running over to borrow a cup of sugar, etc. But I never really reciprocated the 1 or 2 people who brought a plant when we moved into our house a million years ago, mostly because I was balancing an intense FT job with a new baby. Then a million other things get in the way. I wish I was the kind of person who could come home and plan a get-together, but apparently I'm not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've lived in our neighborhood for 10 years. I feel that our neighborhood is cold, aloof and unfriendly. I want to get to know our neighbors better but I feel like they are not interested. Here's an example of why I think this:

Three years ago we got new neighbors on one side. We have two kids, at the time, ages 5 and 7. One week after they moved in we all went over with a lovely gift basket and introduced ourselves. This was pre-Covid. We had a quick chat for 5 minutes and they didn't invite us in. Since then we've never actually talked to them again, and this was 3 years ago. They are never outside. They now have two kids, ages 1 and 3. Did they decide in those 5 minutes that they didn't like us and we weren't worth getting to know? Pre-Covid we had a few backyard BBQs and invited them. They never RSVP'd and ignored the invites. Occasionally we'll see them taking their trash cans down and we'll wave and they'll wave back and that's it.

Two years ago we got new neighbors on the other side. At the time our kids were 6 and 8. They had one kid, age 2. The week after they moved in we went over to their house and brought them a welcome gift basket. We talked on their driveway for about 20 minutes. We've seen them out walking maybe twice since then, and had a quick 2 minute chat--pleasant but not friendly. All summer they had deck parties and they never once invited us. We never see them outside.

We are outside playing in our yard or gardening all the time, and when a neighbor walks by, we say hello and have a quick chat. But we have no friends in the neighborhood at all. Do people just not like us? We thought we were doing a nice gesture by taking over the welcome baskets and welcoming them to the neighborhood but it didn't seem like it was appreciated. We're even on the HOA committee to try to get to know neighbors. Over the summer I sent out an email to a few families in the neighborhood directory who had kids to see if they wanted to meet up for a backyard playdate, no one responded. I feel bad that my kids have no friends in the neighborhood and don't really know any of the kids.

What would you think in this situation?

I like not knowing my neighbors beyond a polite nod when we pass each other. They have their lives, I have my life.

I've noticed that the more well off an area, the less likely neighbors are going to know each other and make an effort to be friends. My parents have lived in the same house for 30 years and two of their neighbors preceded them and they still only know them by sight. And that's fine.

That's Mclean, cordial but not friendly. I prefer it that way - low drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more interaction between neighbors the more chance for conflict. Count your blessings OP.

I totally agree. We lived on a street with a neighbor who was super friendly. She would see us come home from work and there would be a knock on the door. I am beat and have to cook, while the neighbor would asked to borrow something or my husband for a task in her home and yap, yap, yap about nothing. She borrowed so many tools, food, etc. that every time I couldn't find something I would think she must have borrowed it. Soo annoying. She would invite us to things like church events, MLM parties, then it was awkward if we lied and said we were busy. We had other neighbors who asked personal questions that floored me. Another neighbor would bring her kids over to 'play' while she went to the grocery store and ran errands. I was her drop off babysitter apparently. I liked her kids but didn't need more stress and they would be rough on the dog and house. I did put a stop to it but I wish I didn't have to deal with overly friendly neighbors. We have moved to an unfriendly street and it's peaceful and conflict free.