Aloof neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those neighbors. Trust me we are not some odd crazy people doing some crazy sh*t behind closed doors. We, and sounds like your current neighbors, are not as interested in getting social with others. We like our quiet house, keep it to ourselves. Accept them as they are. Just because their life style is different than your, it doesn't mean one is right or better than the other.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for you, OP.
But remember, they had, and still have, younger kids than yours. Different phases of life regardless of whether you are both the same age bracket. And that can be tough.

This. Your kids' ages don't match up. Try giving just a bottle of wine. A whole gift basket is over the top, unless it's something the HOA does for every new neighbor. Maybe you're just in an unfriendly neighborhood, but I wouldn't judge it based on two sets of neighbors. Do you have friends from your kids' school?

[Anonymous]

I am 59 and I have never been in a neighbors house, backyard or socialized with a neighbor. That includes growing up, my two apartment buildings and two houses.

My block had tons of kids they don’t talk. Period. At bus stop heads down on iPhone.

It is not a thing. Kinda creepy as I don’t want my neighbors invading my personal space.

[Anonymous]

I socialize with my neighbors. It's fun, and my neighborhood is pretty social.

OP, it's your neighborhood. In previous neighborhoods, we didn't socialize and it wasn't a thing. Here it's a thing.

Don't join the HOA board if you want to be friends with people. HOA boards are the hall monitors of the adult world.

[Anonymous]

Please state neighborhood and price range of homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 59 and I have never been in a neighbors house, backyard or socialized with a neighbor. That includes growing up, my two apartment buildings and two houses.

My block had tons of kids they don’t talk. Period. At bus stop heads down on iPhone.

It is not a thing. Kinda creepy as I don’t want my neighbors invading my personal space.

That’s weird actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've lived in our neighborhood for 10 years. I feel that our neighborhood is cold, aloof and unfriendly. I want to get to know our neighbors better but I feel like they are not interested. Here's an example of why I think this:

Three years ago we got new neighbors on one side. We have two kids, at the time, ages 5 and 7. One week after they moved in we all went over with a lovely gift basket and introduced ourselves. This was pre-Covid. We had a quick chat for 5 minutes and they didn't invite us in. Since then we've never actually talked to them again, and this was 3 years ago. They are never outside. They now have two kids, ages 1 and 3. Did they decide in those 5 minutes that they didn't like us and we weren't worth getting to know? Pre-Covid we had a few backyard BBQs and invited them. They never RSVP'd and ignored the invites. Occasionally we'll see them taking their trash cans down and we'll wave and they'll wave back and that's it.

Two years ago we got new neighbors on the other side. At the time our kids were 6 and 8. They had one kid, age 2. The week after they moved in we went over to their house and brought them a welcome gift basket. We talked on their driveway for about 20 minutes. We've seen them out walking maybe twice since then, and had a quick 2 minute chat--pleasant but not friendly. All summer they had deck parties and they never once invited us. We never see them outside.

We are outside playing in our yard or gardening all the time, and when a neighbor walks by, we say hello and have a quick chat. But we have no friends in the neighborhood at all. Do people just not like us? We thought we were doing a nice gesture by taking over the welcome baskets and welcoming them to the neighborhood but it didn't seem like it was appreciated. We're even on the HOA committee to try to get to know neighbors. Over the summer I sent out an email to a few families in the neighborhood directory who had kids to see if they wanted to meet up for a backyard playdate, no one responded. I feel bad that my kids have no friends in the neighborhood and don't really know any of the kids.

What would you think in this situation?

This is totally normal for DC unfortunately.

Just deal with it or move some place else where people are friendlier.

[Anonymous]

It's this area

[Anonymous]

As previous posters said, there’s a mismatch in kids’ ages (which at very young ages means a HUGE mismatch in kids’ interests), kids and parents make friends through venues of repeated interaction (school, church, sport teams), and people don’t buy houses for neighbors but neighborhoods (schools, proximity to work). In sum, it’s happenstance that you live in a neighborhood with the neighbors that you do. There is very little chance you will be friends with them unless you know them through another venue.

As a final thought, even most friends don’t want each other to know their every move. Having neighbors as close friends seems suffocating, as each other’s activities would always be monitored by the other for inclusion. No thanks c

[Anonymous]

OP,

I extend to you many hugs. As well as a most sincerely offered virtual gift basket.

I think it’s a mismatch in kids’ ages. Plus maybe marital tension due to new kids. Or maybe financial stress, due to housing costs, if you live anywhere near DC. Maybe they don’t have $$$$ to furnish their new homes nicely. Who knows why they don’t feel like they’re in a place where they can reciprocate.

If your kids are still young, I would focus on school as a great place to meet fellow parents.

And if you are so inclined, continue to welcome new neighbors to your development. That’s just the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

17 years in, our general neighborhood is pretty much like this. Our older neighborhood. a TH development, was very friendly, and this one, SFH with garages is just not. Everyone drives into their garage and that is that. No progress. 2/3 houses have formed a clique with kids and related activities, but beyond that, everyone keeps to themselves.

You did right, OP. That's what people should do..the hello, the gifts basket. I still do it.

[Anonymous]

It’s not you, it’s them. And I’ll be honest, spouse and I are the “them’s” in our neighborhood. As spouse puts it, our friend card is full (my way of saying it is that we are already busy enough with work, kids, family and existing friends that we don’t want more than a wave and nod relationship with our neighbors).

[Anonymous]

Are there no other kids in the neighborhood that are the same ages as your kids and go to the same school? We met a lot of people in our neighborhood that way. We are friendly with our neighbors on either side/across the street, but our best friends in the neighborhood live a few streets over. The park in our neighborhood also helps with the socializing.

[Anonymous]

I don't want my neighbors in my house, and don't care if I go into theirs.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP. From what you described, both families have really young children. They are probably just exhausted or don't want to mess up their kids' schedule. You sound like you are pretty social. To offer a different perspective, some families may not feel like they can reciprocate so they don't bother in the first place. It's not you.