Aloof neighbors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like having friendly relations with neighbors but not being friends.

I also try to take over something to new neighbors and introduce myself but it would never occur to me to invite them to a party at my house (well I guess it has occurred to me when we had holiday parties but then I decided it was just too many people to add to the list).

I find kids make their own social circles by age 6 or so but we did very “playdates” because we had relatively little time as a family.

If you you could try a block party or something to encourage more socialization in the neighborhood.

Nothing is worse than an overly friendly neighbor. Or a neighbor that is continuously asking things of you (borrow tools, babysit kids, pet sit, mow their lawn, etc.). I love a nice quiet neighbor who waves, chats once in a while, minds their own business, doesn't gossip or complain about us or others - a low-maintenance neighbor who keeps the peace and will have your back but not be up your a$$.

OP you need to find friends but don't expect your next door neighbors to be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your description I would avoid you at all costs if I was your neighbor.

I would not like someone to bring me a gift when I first move in because now I owe you. Next you will be dropping your kids off for me to watch.

[Anonymous]

I had neighbors that we were cordial with, helped each other occasionally, waved from the car, etc. In 25 years, I never was inside their house. They were in my house a couple of times. We liked each other and the arrangement very much. We miss them.

[Anonymous]

Do you live on houses with big lots? We lived further out for a while and houses were somewhat spaced apart. There was an HOA run mostly by older neighbors. Everyone had a garage to drive in and out of, so we didn’t see neighbors for long stretches of time if they never came out front. I think people who seek out that type of neighborhood are the keep to themselves type. Which is fine, it works for some.

But now we live close-in on a small lot. Many older homes don’t have garages (and people often walk/take transit to get places), so we see neighbors all the time. People hang out on their front porches and are out gardening, walking dogs, bike riding, etc. There are parks and trails just a few blocks away. We also lucked out with tons of elementary kids on our street so our kids have made some close friends. No HOA for what that is worth. If this is something important to you, I think you need to find a neighborhood where people don’t mind being a bit closer to each other space-wise. My friends in townhome communities also seem to have lots of kids playing together.

[Anonymous]

The more interaction between neighbors the more chance for conflict. Count your blessings OP.

[Anonymous]

This was my experience living in the District and Arlington - actually I would have preferred this to some of my bad neighbors. I live in Old Town Manassas now and love all my neighbors, we all chat and occasionally socialize. I think it’s a DC thing where everyone is so busy with their own lives it’s hard to break in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more interaction between neighbors the more chance for conflict. Count your blessings OP.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I socialize with my neighbors. It's fun, and my neighborhood is pretty social.

OP, it's your neighborhood. In previous neighborhoods, we didn't socialize and it wasn't a thing. Here it's a thing.

Don't join the HOA board if you want to be friends with people. HOA boards are the hall monitors of the adult world.

+1. Sorry, OP. It could just be your neighborhood. Sometimes they are hit or miss. Our neighborhood is pretty social. We all see each other in the mornings on the walk to school, our kids are sort of the same age and all play together after school. WE also have neighborhood parties outside at least 1x/month when weather allows. Like you, I enjoy the social neighborhood and it has really been a strong community for the kids (and a lifesaver during lockdown/school closures/COVID crap).

Sometimes, it's just personalities. If you have neighbors who aren't into social/friendly neighborhood stuff, you won't get that feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was my experience living in the District and Arlington - actually I would have preferred this to some of my bad neighbors. I live in Old Town Manassas now and love all my neighbors, we all chat and occasionally socialize. I think it’s a DC thing where everyone is so busy with their own lives it’s hard to break in.

+1. We live in Fairfax and it's much the same. Maybe move to the suburbs, OP?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I would be so happy to get a welcome gift basked and would love to be your neighbor friends! We live in DC. I know the people on both sides of me and we chat often about neighborhood stuff, but we haven't been in each other's homes. We talk on the porch regularly. There is one family down the street that we're friends with. They have kids around the same ages as ours. We're not close but we meet up occasionally and go to the park and we've been to eachother's homes. As my kids get older, I'd love for them to have neighborhood friends to hang out with like on TV.

[Anonymous]

People are weird around here, OP. People just aren’t friendly. They act like it’s a huge imposition to be friendly and nice. Be thankful for the friends you have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my experience living in the District and Arlington - actually I would have preferred this to some of my bad neighbors. I live in Old Town Manassas now and love all my neighbors, we all chat and occasionally socialize. I think it’s a DC thing where everyone is so busy with their own lives it’s hard to break in.

+1. We live in Fairfax and it's much the same. Maybe move to the suburbs, OP?

No no.. please stay where you are

[Anonymous]

We didn't have any friends in our neighborhood before we had kids. Once we had kids the one friends we have are the one who have same aged kids. As pps mentioned, parents of babies and toddler are often exhausted and just want to chill while home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From your description I would avoid you at all costs if I was your neighbor.

I would not like someone to bring me a gift when I first move in because now I owe you. Next you will be dropping your kids off for me to watch.

Life is not about score keeping. Gifts can be freely given because the giver enjoys the act of giving. You sound miserable. I love my neighbors and neighborhood where I feel like we have an easy going “I’ll get it next time” relationship as opposed to a “I didn’t drink so my portion is less” type relationship. It just makes things easier and more pleasant.

[Anonymous]

I have no interest in being social with my neighbors. Your neighbors probably feel this way. I don't care if you have kids or if our kids are near the same age. I like being in my house. I am not interested in neighborhood social crap.

There are social extrovert neighbors and introverts who want to be in their homes at peace without the social stuff.

You just have difference preferences than your neighbors. Don't take it personally.