Pressure from other parents - is this a thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the stuff challenging OP on her views on COViD risk is a red herring. A person with appropriate boundaries doesn’t call and ask if DD can attend during family vacation after already hearing no.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think parents have NO place trying to tell other parents what is right for their child.

Stick to your guns, and drop "friends" who outsource parenting decisions (to a group vote).

[Anonymous]

You are also teaching your children to make their own decisions. Rely on their own radar for what is smart to do.

That could save their lives in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the stuff challenging OP on her views on COViD risk is a red herring. A person with appropriate boundaries doesn’t call and ask if DD can attend during family vacation after already hearing no.

+1

Assuming that the daughter told the other girl about the family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the stuff challenging OP on her views on COViD risk is a red herring. A person with appropriate boundaries doesn’t call and ask if DD can attend during family vacation after already hearing no.

+1

Assuming that the daughter told the other girl about the family vacation.

Even if the daughter didn't tell her friend, you don't plead with someone. You text to verify a situation and you respect the wishes of the parent.

I've dealt with these pushy parents and sadly often their kids are pretty entitled too because mommy fixes everything. It is really important for teens to learn to accept limits and find ways to cope with disappointment. Having mommy try to manipulate the parents teaches the teen nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the stuff challenging OP on her views on COViD risk is a red herring. A person with appropriate boundaries doesn’t call and ask if DD can attend during family vacation after already hearing no.

+1

Assuming that the daughter told the other girl about the family vacation.

No actually. If my DD’s friend says she can’t go, then there is no logical universe in which I am calling the parent to confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a 13 year old and a 2 month old?

Stop the presses! OP had a kid at 26 and an ooppps baby (or a planned baby with DH or is on a second marriage and wants a baby with the new spouse or whatever) at 39.

OP— reading this thread with all the moms telling you to let DD do whatever she wants with a newborn and an immunocompromised kid in the house, I can see what you are up against. Some people have no boundaries and believe they run their lives so well that they are entitled to run yours too. IME, a lot of these women are 40 year old versions of gossipy snotty mean girls. And their DDs invariably turn out to be mean girls too. That behavior is learned at home.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your parenting choices. Or the timing of your childbearing for that matter. And the 2nd or 3rd time it happens, gently push back. “I told Larla that she would not be able to attend. I’m sorry she wasn’t clearer and caused this confusion. I’ll talk to her about needing be clear about her plans in the future so that you won’t need to follow up .“

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of moms on the DC area are used to getting their way and don’t like taking no for an answer. So they push back on other people’s boundaries, not realizing how offensive it can be.

And many have taught their kids that thus is the way the world works. You’re entitled to what you want, and if someone says no, keep trying.

No means no, people. You’re not entitled to an explanation for why a peer won’t change her family’s vacation plans so her DC can attend your kid’s party. And you’re also not entitled to an explanation of a fellow parent’s Covid policy - especially if under the guise of “just wanting to understand,” you’re really preparing an attempt to persuade or judge.

Teach your kids to respect other people’s boundaries and accept “no” for an answer. I think that might solve some other problems our kids encounter re peer pressure and later, consent.

If your kids are in person school and other things you are not being careful and you need a better excuse.

This mother, fo example, is overly entitled and pushy. And is raising and overly entitled, pushy kid. You wonder what Brett Kavanaugh mom was like? This lady.

The only thing that will work is a clear O. Don’t explain. To justify. Don’t have a conversation. It isn’t a reaching a mutual understanding with people like this. She doesn’t care if she is rude and pushing through boundaries. She will do anything to get her way. So will her kid. So, think about whether this is a friendship you want to encourage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a 13 year old and a 2 month old?

It happens when you have your first child early. Fertility lasts a lot longer than people think.

You don’t have to have them early. I have a 12 year old and and a newborn as well.

[Anonymous]

^12 year born when I was 32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the stuff challenging OP on her views on COViD risk is a red herring. A person with appropriate boundaries doesn’t call and ask if DD can attend during family vacation after already hearing no.

+1

Assuming that the daughter told the other girl about the family vacation.

Even if the daughter didn't tell her friend, you don't plead with someone. You text to verify a situation and you respect the wishes of the parent.

I've dealt with these pushy parents and sadly often their kids are pretty entitled too because mommy fixes everything. It is really important for teens to learn to accept limits and find ways to cope with disappointment. Having mommy try to manipulate the parents teaches the teen nothing.

I know a fellow early teen mom who is just like this and just like what OP describes. She indulges everything her DD asks for and there are virtually
No limits. This particular girl boasts about having a 13-15 hours of screen time and is usually up until midnight…as a 12/13 year old and it’s NBD in that household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More specifically, I’m referring to fellow moms.

Backstory - I have a 13 YO DD and over the years with her group of friends, it’s been copacetic with the moms in arranging play dates, hanging out, etc.

Recently, though, I’ve had to say no to a couple things - one because we were going to ocean city on the weekend and the other bc of comfort level with covid (it was an indoor event). With the first one, DD was bummed of course and her friend’s mom sent me a somewhat pushy note pleading for my DD to go. I politely said sorry we are going out of town, I hope you have a good time, etc etc. no response back so I left it at that.

A couple weeks ago my DD was invited to something I did not feel comfortable with and so I told her no. Sure enough, DD’s friend’s mom reached out to me to ask me if it’s ok if my DD went. At first I felt bad but then I just started feeling irked that she would not be respectful of a parenting decision and insert herself into the equation. I mean, who’s the parent - you or your kid?

I’ve seen this in a more mild form on more than two occasions and im wondering - is this a thing? Am I over reacting to this?

What gives?

I can see that it might be annoying but be grateful that they care enough about your kid to want to include them. This is a good thing OP. Let it go and also loosen up on COVID concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More specifically, I’m referring to fellow moms.

Backstory - I have a 13 YO DD and over the years with her group of friends, it’s been copacetic with the moms in arranging play dates, hanging out, etc.

Recently, though, I’ve had to say no to a couple things - one because we were going to ocean city on the weekend and the other bc of comfort level with covid (it was an indoor event). With the first one, DD was bummed of course and her friend’s mom sent me a somewhat pushy note pleading for my DD to go. I politely said sorry we are going out of town, I hope you have a good time, etc etc. no response back so I left it at that.

A couple weeks ago my DD was invited to something I did not feel comfortable with and so I told her no. Sure enough, DD’s friend’s mom reached out to me to ask me if it’s ok if my DD went. At first I felt bad but then I just started feeling irked that she would not be respectful of a parenting decision and insert herself into the equation. I mean, who’s the parent - you or your kid?

I’ve seen this in a more mild form on more than two occasions and im wondering - is this a thing? Am I over reacting to this?

What gives?

I can see that it might be annoying but be grateful that they care enough about your kid to want to include them. This is a good thing OP. Let it go and also loosen up on COVID concerns.

It's usually not about caring about including everyone, it's about not being able to disappoint your little princess or prince. It is just not OK to push boundaries. Also, not your place to tell anyone to loosen up on Covid concerns when you don't know the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Usually kids start to break away from doing everything with their parents in high school. It sounds like you don't want that to happen OP. The other parents may feel like you are being too strict and are trying to advocate for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually kids start to break away from doing everything with their parents in high school. It sounds like you don't want that to happen OP. The other parents may feel like you are being too strict and are trying to advocate for your daughter.

Do you have any self-awareness or boundaries? Perhaps you should write a book advocating for how people should raise their daughters according to the "karen Method" because apparently you have all the answers.