Pressure from other parents - is this a thing?

[Anonymous]

How is outdoor only hurting the 13 year old exactly? Can't they figure out how to entertain themselves outside?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s not typical that a mom contacts you hoping to change your mind. First, talk to your DD. Have her explain what she told her friend. If she was clear that you had said NO, the mom is an over-stepper. Your Covid rules are your Covid rules. It’s not up for debate. I, too, would never contact a parent in hopes that they would be changing their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why you see this as pressure. It’s not out of the ordinary for parents to reach out to other parents.

At 13??? Not in my social group! Kids make plans on their own. If there is an extraordinary event like an out of town vacation a parent might call for extra details but that's it.

Of course. None of these kids can drive. Do your kids teleport across town or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is telling her friends you won't allow her due to covid concerns. It doesn't matter what you tell other parents. The ability to frame the story is now gone when you have teens and social media and more.

There's no need for pushy notes, for sure. I think since most people in this area are vaccinated at that age, people are resuming most social activities, indoor and out. So perhaps you are more cautious than most of your kid's friend set. And that's why a parent (who I assume you know) is reaching out. I would have phrased it about what you'd like to see to make you more comfortable with allowing your daughter to go.

The kids are having a lot of social skill issues right now. They've missed a year of socializing in appropriate ways. Personally, I would balance the value of allowing your child to socialize with the risk of COVID.

OP here, I acknowledge that and I’ve tried to balance safety concerns (I have 2 unvaxxed kids at home including a kid with immune issues and a 2 month old) with giving my DD room to do things with her friends. I’ve tried to indulge as much as possible but sometimes “no” is the only option. It’s hard enough dealing with pressure to do this for DD and DD pleading to do things - last thing I need is another parent on my case. It’s just a vent.

Well this is just the beginning! Your daughter is entering her teen years where kids spend lots of time together. I do think it’s unfair to keep her home to protect younger kids?

NP. Well that’s YOUR call. If you want your unvaxxed kids to get covid because you think your teen jut HAS to socialize indoors or doing whatever they want rather than keeping things outside, that’s your call. But maybe op wants to be more cautious. It is fine for her to prioritize her younger kids health.

I’m sorry, but I think it’s quite cruel to not allow your child to socialize with other kids. Having an “outdoor only” rule effectively shuts out spending time with friends. OP may think they’re helping the little ones, but what they’re doing is hurting the 13 year old. Btw, vaccines work.

You seriously don't think 13 year olds can find things yo do outside even in winter? Long before the pandemic we hiked, biked, shot baskets, played soccer, tennis whatever for hours as a family OUTSIDE. What a sad world we live in when a parent berates another for having the nerve to limit socializing to outside and in school during a pandemic.

[Anonymous]

The parents might be overly pushy, but do they understand your family situation? If you only allow a vaccinated 13-year-old (I'm assuming that she is vaccinated) to participate in outdoor activities because of risk factors of other family members, maybe it should be your role to contact the parents, say that you appreciate the situation, and explain why you said "no." It's not your daughter's decision, it's yours. As others said, you should definitely encourage your daughter to be aware of the boundaries you have set and to explain them to her friends.

You are going to have to balance your DD's social needs with your family risks. If the answer is always going to be "no" to anything indoors, it is likely that the invitations will stop coming. What happens then? For some indoor activities, is there any way your DD could participate wearing a mask and not eating? I did that with my DD earlier in the pandemic. Another possibility would be for you to allow your DD to participate in small indoor activities with families you feel comfortable with wearing a mask, and then have her continue to mask in the home for 10 days or 5 days plus a negative COVID test.

[Anonymous]

I’d find that completely annoying. In my (limited) experience, families like that either have a control-freak parent or a kid who can’t handle when things don’t turn out exactly as they wish. Either way, annoying, but really more deserving of pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is telling her friends you won't allow her due to covid concerns. It doesn't matter what you tell other parents. The ability to frame the story is now gone when you have teens and social media and more.

There's no need for pushy notes, for sure. I think since most people in this area are vaccinated at that age, people are resuming most social activities, indoor and out. So perhaps you are more cautious than most of your kid's friend set. And that's why a parent (who I assume you know) is reaching out. I would have phrased it about what you'd like to see to make you more comfortable with allowing your daughter to go.

The kids are having a lot of social skill issues right now. They've missed a year of socializing in appropriate ways. Personally, I would balance the value of allowing your child to socialize with the risk of COVID.

OP here, I acknowledge that and I’ve tried to balance safety concerns (I have 2 unvaxxed kids at home including a kid with immune issues and a 2 month old) with giving my DD room to do things with her friends. I’ve tried to indulge as much as possible but sometimes “no” is the only option. It’s hard enough dealing with pressure to do this for DD and DD pleading to do things - last thing I need is another parent on my case. It’s just a vent.

Well this is just the beginning! Your daughter is entering her teen years where kids spend lots of time together. I do think it’s unfair to keep her home to protect younger kids?

NP. Well that’s YOUR call. If you want your unvaxxed kids to get covid because you think your teen jut HAS to socialize indoors or doing whatever they want rather than keeping things outside, that’s your call. But maybe op wants to be more cautious. It is fine for her to prioritize her younger kids health.

I’m sorry, but I think it’s quite cruel to not allow your child to socialize with other kids. Having an “outdoor only” rule effectively shuts out spending time with friends. OP may think they’re helping the little ones, but what they’re doing is hurting the 13 year old. Btw, vaccines work.

You seriously don't think 13 year olds can find things yo do outside even in winter? Long before the pandemic we hiked, biked, shot baskets, played soccer, tennis whatever for hours as a family OUTSIDE. What a sad world we live in when a parent berates another for having the nerve to limit socializing to outside and in school during a pandemic.

My goodness, you’ve really convinced yourself haven’t you?

[Anonymous]

I would not allow most things with Covid but I want to speak to the parents before I say yes to something. If you are traveling and in person school at that point why say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parents might be overly pushy, but do they understand your family situation? If you only allow a vaccinated 13-year-old (I'm assuming that she is vaccinated) to participate in outdoor activities because of risk factors of other family members, maybe it should be your role to contact the parents, say that you appreciate the situation, and explain why you said "no." It's not your daughter's decision, it's yours. As others said, you should definitely encourage your daughter to be aware of the boundaries you have set and to explain them to her friends.

You are going to have to balance your DD's social needs with your family risks. If the answer is always going to be "no" to anything indoors, it is likely that the invitations will stop coming. What happens then? For some indoor activities, is there any way your DD could participate wearing a mask and not eating? I did that with my DD earlier in the pandemic. Another possibility would be for you to allow your DD to participate in small indoor activities with families you feel comfortable with wearing a mask, and then have her continue to mask in the home for 10 days or 5 days plus a negative COVID test.

Kids are in person school and traveling so this is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That doesn't seem like pressure and I suspect you are reading a lot into this. It is normal at this age to verify with parents.

You verify with other parents once they say yes - getting traveling details, dietary restrictions, emergency contacts. After a no, especially multiple ones, you leave the other parent alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why you see this as pressure. It’s not out of the ordinary for parents to reach out to other parents.

It shouldn’t be when they’ve been told by their child that the other parent said no in some sort of weird parental appeals process.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had this happen with a mother/child duo who are extreme extroverts and gogogo busy all the time. Sleepovers (at least in the before times) Friday’s and saturdays and extra play dates / hangouts.

Me and my kid are ***extreme introverts*** after a week of in person school and work. We are both desperate for the week to decompress and doing even one social thing per weekend is PLENTY. I know the other mom thought I must be crazy or rude. But I finally told her listen it’s literally not you guys it’s us. We cannot have this much hangout time because we have to have quiet time.

Just be honest. Remind these moms you have a baby and toddler at home and are more limited in your exposures. Especially if their whole family is vaccinated they may have forgotten others are more cautious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is telling her friends you won't allow her due to covid concerns. It doesn't matter what you tell other parents. The ability to frame the story is now gone when you have teens and social media and more.

There's no need for pushy notes, for sure. I think since most people in this area are vaccinated at that age, people are resuming most social activities, indoor and out. So perhaps you are more cautious than most of your kid's friend set. And that's why a parent (who I assume you know) is reaching out. I would have phrased it about what you'd like to see to make you more comfortable with allowing your daughter to go.

The kids are having a lot of social skill issues right now. They've missed a year of socializing in appropriate ways. Personally, I would balance the value of allowing your child to socialize with the risk of COVID.

OP here, I acknowledge that and I’ve tried to balance safety concerns (I have 2 unvaxxed kids at home including a kid with immune issues and a 2 month old) with giving my DD room to do things with her friends. I’ve tried to indulge as much as possible but sometimes “no” is the only option. It’s hard enough dealing with pressure to do this for DD and DD pleading to do things - last thing I need is another parent on my case. It’s just a vent.

Well this is just the beginning! Your daughter is entering her teen years where kids spend lots of time together. I do think it’s unfair to keep her home to protect younger kids?

NP. Well that’s YOUR call. If you want your unvaxxed kids to get covid because you think your teen jut HAS to socialize indoors or doing whatever they want rather than keeping things outside, that’s your call. But maybe op wants to be more cautious. It is fine for her to prioritize her younger kids health.

I’m sorry, but I think it’s quite cruel to not allow your child to socialize with other kids. Having an “outdoor only” rule effectively shuts out spending time with friends. OP may think they’re helping the little ones, but what they’re doing is hurting the 13 year old. Btw, vaccines work.

BTW my doubly vaccinated friend died, so many be a little less dismissive, mmkay?

And it’s none of your business how PP chooses to parent their kids. Tend to your own.

[Anonymous]

It can be a thing, but this is definitely not it, OP. This is nothing. Just a parent checking in. If you're hypersensitive like this, your life must be very difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d find that completely annoying. In my (limited) experience, families like that either have a control-freak parent or a kid who can’t handle when things don’t turn out exactly as they wish. Either way, annoying, but really more deserving of pity.

Or the arrested development moms of tweens and teens who are desperate to be the kids’ friend and “the cool mom.”