I get so angry with how my teen daughter dresses

[Anonymous]

My daughter wears crop tops and sometimes shows a lot of skin but I’ve never once seen her stick out her hip and bite her lip. She does, however, spend a lot of time on studying AP Chemistry, practicing her violin, and training for cross country meets. She is kind and funny and takes good care of our dog and is a popular babysitter with our neighbors’ kids.

Worry about what your daughter does, not how she dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone for sharing opinions and feedback. Yes I'm in therapy and have been for years. My teen is touching on aspects of issues that haven't been resolved yet. Yes I'm taking responsibility for that.

The below is the crux of the issue. And I haven't shared everything else that makes this about more than just a choice of top.

But I hate that girls are being marketed to the way they are. Put a crop top on a 7 year old and they'll pose sticking out their hips and pelvis. Girls start early with the lip biting and pouting. That's what the models do, that's what society says girls are supposed to be like. Why. Whose desires are these.

I came here to vent, this issue upsets me. My anger has been heard and I'm working on not emotionally reacting but just being the mom. TY all, I'm enjoying reading everyone's thoughts/opinions/parenting practices. I appreciate the help!

Anonymous wrote: I agree that you should try to remove the power struggle element. But I completely HEAR YOU on how upsetting it is that our society normalizes this sexualizing minors, obviously just girls, and call it girls "enjoying their bodies". They are only copying what they see online which is sometimes soft porn-like behaviors and pedophile attitudes. It's actually really twisted and sick and it is not "girl power" at all.

But she’s not 7, she’s a teen, and many kids DO start having sex at 16-17, because their bodies are biologically wired for that. It’s also unfair and dangerous for us to bury our heads in the sand or pretend like that’s not going to happen. They need sex Ed, birth control of course, and education about consent. I’m not sure it’s fair for you to say a 16 year old wanting to appear sexy to other teens is wrong or somehow groomed.

+1 there’s nothing wrong or surprising with teens wanting to appear attractive to their peers.

I do agree a 17 year old is very different than a 12-15 year old in this respect. But unfortunately you see these behaviors in girls much younger than 17, and it is a societal problem people are ignoring.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP comes from a place of concern. Given her past, she sees some teenage boys as bulls and she sees her daughter waving a big red flag at them. I can understand it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I do agree a 17 year old is very different than a 12-15 year old in this respect. But unfortunately you see these behaviors in girls much younger than 17, and it is a societal problem people are ignoring.

Which behaviors are you referring to, specifically? The behavior of wearing outfits their peers consider cute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP comes from a place of concern. Given her past, she sees some teenage boys as bulls and she sees her daughter waving a big red flag at them. I can understand it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I do agree a 17 year old is very different than a 12-15 year old in this respect. But unfortunately you see these behaviors in girls much younger than 17, and it is a societal problem people are ignoring.

Which behaviors are you referring to, specifically? The behavior of wearing outfits their peers consider cute?

Probably referring to the sexual assault. Seems weird that you would focus on the "cute outfit" vs the sexual assault or rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I do agree a 17 year old is very different than a 12-15 year old in this respect. But unfortunately you see these behaviors in girls much younger than 17, and it is a societal problem people are ignoring.

Which behaviors are you referring to, specifically? The behavior of wearing outfits their peers consider cute?

Probably referring to the sexual assault. Seems weird that you would focus on the "cute outfit" vs the sexual assault or rape.

Girls much younger than 17 are sexually assaulting and raping people? That's the societal problem people are ignoring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I do agree a 17 year old is very different than a 12-15 year old in this respect. But unfortunately you see these behaviors in girls much younger than 17, and it is a societal problem people are ignoring.

Which behaviors are you referring to, specifically? The behavior of wearing outfits their peers consider cute?

Probably referring to the sexual assault. Seems weird that you would focus on the "cute outfit" vs the sexual assault or rape.

Girls much younger than 17 are sexually assaulting and raping people? That's the societal problem people are ignoring?

Did you read the original post? Or do you just get confused this easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP comes from a place of concern. Given her past, she sees some teenage boys as bulls and she sees her daughter waving a big red flag at them. I can understand it.

+1

It's understandable, but it's not healthy for OP or her daughter and it actually gives her daughter the wrong message. I feel for OP,, but her anger is misplaced and she needs help because she is going to make herself sick and ruin her relationship with her daughter.

[Anonymous]

How are her grades? Is she kind to others? Is she good with money? Help around the house? Have goals and dreams she’s working towards?

What the hell is wrong with you, seriously, who cares if she’s wearing a crop top. My god, that THIS is what makes you angry, controlling her body, such a stupid petty misogyny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

This sounds like a you problem. Seek help from a mental health professional.

This definitely seems like a you problem, mom.
I hope you're not connecting the way she's dressing with your sexual assault, because as women we've been desperately trying to get away from that narrative for decades.

ie; "What was she wearing?", "She must have been asking for it".

[Anonymous]

Lady you need to chill the heck out big time.