I get so angry with how my teen daughter dresses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

Were you a victim of sexual assault based on how you were dressed or were you dressed more modestly? Because there's your answer right there.

She was a victim of sexual assault because a man attacked her. How she was dressed had nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

I think teens should get to be sexual beings with their own identities, but I also think teen girls often dress provocatively to appeal to or intimidate other (hetero) girls.

I feel like the main consequence of teens wearing revealing clothes is that their adults feel uncomfortable. Unwanted male attention is a) the fault of the males and b) something for your teen to navigate, with your support.

One of the main lessons I want to impart to my own daughter is that she can put sexuality aside, or turn it off, for certain settings and occasions without losing any kind of battle with me. That’s one of the things I think can be a struggle if you’re always in a battle about this. Once you’ve made it a fight, they can’t “give in.”

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

I would be upset too. Sorry you are copping so much flack about your legit concerns for your DD. School is for education not an avant- garde fashion show for pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable. Many teachers and support staff spend a lot of time to create thoughtful classes and environments and it is easy to undermine positive learning environments with heavy peer pressure on risqué fashions.

It is very non PC to advise girls to dress modestly for their own self respect, but I agree with you. I also would not allow our son to wear a lot of current guy fashions - pants dropping below bum, nose cartilage piercings etc. So many teen images that are popular on Tik Tok/ social media are trashy but some are cool creative without looking disrespectful.

That said, the world can be dangerous for all young women (eg DMV a hot spot for teen sex trafficking), and it is not just young women who dress proactively at risk. Most sexual assaults take place either at home by known people or on campuses. Not sure dress will help much with that - still so much work to do to create safer world for our daughters.

What?

What indeed …

It is not something that most of us want to think about but Human sex trafficking of children is a $100-million industry in the DC Metropolitan area," according to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office. The vast majority of victims are women and girl children. Although it is a 365 day a year problem, the worst day of the year for sex trafficking is the Super Bowl.

We have to do better to protect women and girls in our area from these horrors.


https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/dc/sex-trafficking-its-happening-right-now-in-dc-we-need-your-help/65-516622896

https://www.grassrootsdc.org/2019/11/sex-trafficking-and-dcs-missing-youth-a-frightening-connection/

http://m.connectionnewspapers.com/news/2018/aug/28/teen-sex-trafficking-hits-close-home/

https://whur.com/whur-in-the-community/sex-trafficking-at-all-time-high/

https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/crime/bs-md-human-trafficking-cases-20190410-story.html

https://wjla.com/news/local/resources-human-sex-trafficking-victims

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

I would be upset too. Sorry you are copping so much flack about your legit concerns for your DD. School is for education not an avant- garde fashion show for pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable. Many teachers and support staff spend a lot of time to create thoughtful classes and environments and it is easy to undermine positive learning environments with heavy peer pressure on risqué fashions.

It is very non PC to advise girls to dress modestly for their own self respect, but I agree with you. I also would not allow our son to wear a lot of current guy fashions - pants dropping below bum, nose cartilage piercings etc. So many teen images that are popular on Tik Tok/ social media are trashy but some are cool creative without looking disrespectful.

That said, the world can be dangerous for all young women (eg DMV a hot spot for teen sex trafficking), and it is not just young women who dress proactively at risk. Most sexual assaults take place either at home by known people or on campuses. Not sure dress will help much with that - still so much work to do to create safer world for our daughters.

What?

What indeed …

It is not something that most of us want to think about but Human sex trafficking of children is a $100-million industry in the DC Metropolitan area," according to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office. The vast majority of victims are women and girl children. Although it is a 365 day a year problem, the worst day of the year for sex trafficking is the Super Bowl.

We have to do better to protect women and girls in our area from these horrors.


https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/dc/sex-trafficking-its-happening-right-now-in-dc-we-need-your-help/65-516622896

https://www.grassrootsdc.org/2019/11/sex-trafficking-and-dcs-missing-youth-a-frightening-connection/

http://m.connectionnewspapers.com/news/2018/aug/28/teen-sex-trafficking-hits-close-home/

https://whur.com/whur-in-the-community/sex-trafficking-at-all-time-high/

https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/crime/bs-md-human-trafficking-cases-20190410-story.html

https://wjla.com/news/local/resources-human-sex-trafficking-victims

the f*ck does this have to do with a girl wearing leggings and a crop top? here, found you a nice duvet cover! https://www.redbubble.com/i/duvet-cover/No-Correlation-meme-by-richterr/27826391.RCGFH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

I would be upset too. Sorry you are copping so much flack about your legit concerns for your DD. School is for education not an avant- garde fashion show for pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable. Many teachers and support staff spend a lot of time to create thoughtful classes and environments and it is easy to undermine positive learning environments with heavy peer pressure on risqué fashions.

It is very non PC to advise girls to dress modestly for their own self respect, but I agree with you. I also would not allow our son to wear a lot of current guy fashions - pants dropping below bum, nose cartilage piercings etc. So many teen images that are popular on Tik Tok/ social media are trashy but some are cool creative without looking disrespectful.

That said, the world can be dangerous for all young women (eg DMV a hot spot for teen sex trafficking), and it is not just young women who dress proactively at risk. Most sexual assaults take place either at home by known people or on campuses. Not sure dress will help much with that - still so much work to do to create safer world for our daughters.

What?

What indeed …

It is not something that most of us want to think about but Human sex trafficking of children is a $100-million industry in the DC Metropolitan area," according to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office. The vast majority of victims are women and girl children. Although it is a 365 day a year problem, the worst day of the year for sex trafficking is the Super Bowl.

We have to do better to protect women and girls in our area from these horrors.


https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/dc/sex-trafficking-its-happening-right-now-in-dc-we-need-your-help/65-516622896

https://www.grassrootsdc.org/2019/11/sex-trafficking-and-dcs-missing-youth-a-frightening-connection/

http://m.connectionnewspapers.com/news/2018/aug/28/teen-sex-trafficking-hits-close-home/

https://whur.com/whur-in-the-community/sex-trafficking-at-all-time-high/

https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/crime/bs-md-human-trafficking-cases-20190410-story.html

https://wjla.com/news/local/resources-human-sex-trafficking-victims

Qanon has entered the chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

I would be upset too. Sorry you are copping so much flack about your legit concerns for your DD. School is for education not an avant- garde fashion show for pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable. Many teachers and support staff spend a lot of time to create thoughtful classes and environments and it is easy to undermine positive learning environments with heavy peer pressure on risqué fashions.

It is very non PC to advise girls to dress modestly for their own self respect, but I agree with you. I also would not allow our son to wear a lot of current guy fashions - pants dropping below bum, nose cartilage piercings etc. So many teen images that are popular on Tik Tok/ social media are trashy but some are cool creative without looking disrespectful.

That said, the world can be dangerous for all young women (eg DMV a hot spot for teen sex trafficking), and it is not just young women who dress proactively at risk. Most sexual assaults take place either at home by known people or on campuses. Not sure dress will help much with that - still so much work to do to create safer world for our daughters.

What?

What indeed …

It is not something that most of us want to think about but Human sex trafficking of children is a $100-million industry in the DC Metropolitan area," according to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office. The vast majority of victims are women and girl children. Although it is a 365 day a year problem, the worst day of the year for sex trafficking is the Super Bowl.

We have to do better to protect women and girls in our area from these horrors.


https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/dc/sex-trafficking-its-happening-right-now-in-dc-we-need-your-help/65-516622896

https://www.grassrootsdc.org/2019/11/sex-trafficking-and-dcs-missing-youth-a-frightening-connection/

http://m.connectionnewspapers.com/news/2018/aug/28/teen-sex-trafficking-hits-close-home/

https://whur.com/whur-in-the-community/sex-trafficking-at-all-time-high/

https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/crime/bs-md-human-trafficking-cases-20190410-story.html

https://wjla.com/news/local/resources-human-sex-trafficking-victims

Qanon has entered the chat.

Ha ha ha hardly … big believer in science.

My post grad professor at AU in DC first enlightened me about the severity of this problem in our area …

[Anonymous]

You’re crazy! She’s a teenager. She feels sexy. I get it, school is not the appropriate place to feel sexy, but also— your daughter is different than you. It’s time you accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

I would be upset too. Sorry you are copping so much flack about your legit concerns for your DD. School is for education not an avant- garde fashion show for pushing the limits of what is socially acceptable. Many teachers and support staff spend a lot of time to create thoughtful classes and environments and it is easy to undermine positive learning environments with heavy peer pressure on risqué fashions.

It is very non PC to advise girls to dress modestly for their own self respect, but I agree with you. I also would not allow our son to wear a lot of current guy fashions - pants dropping below bum, nose cartilage piercings etc. So many teen images that are popular on Tik Tok/ social media are trashy but some are cool creative without looking disrespectful.

That said, the world can be dangerous for all young women (eg DMV a hot spot for teen sex trafficking), and it is not just young women who dress proactively at risk. Most sexual assaults take place either at home by known people or on campuses. Not sure dress will help much with that - still so much work to do to create safer world for our daughters.

What?

What indeed …

It is not something that most of us want to think about but Human sex trafficking of children is a $100-million industry in the DC Metropolitan area," according to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office. The vast majority of victims are women and girl children. Although it is a 365 day a year problem, the worst day of the year for sex trafficking is the Super Bowl.

We have to do better to protect women and girls in our area from these horrors.


https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/dc/sex-trafficking-its-happening-right-now-in-dc-we-need-your-help/65-516622896

https://www.grassrootsdc.org/2019/11/sex-trafficking-and-dcs-missing-youth-a-frightening-connection/

http://m.connectionnewspapers.com/news/2018/aug/28/teen-sex-trafficking-hits-close-home/

https://whur.com/whur-in-the-community/sex-trafficking-at-all-time-high/

https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/crime/bs-md-human-trafficking-cases-20190410-story.html

https://wjla.com/news/local/resources-human-sex-trafficking-victims

the f*ck does this have to do with a girl wearing leggings and a crop top? here, found you a nice duvet cover! https://www.redbubble.com/i/duvet-cover/No-Correlation-meme-by-richterr/27826391.RCGFH

Don’t like nuance or reading much huh?

Read the original response that clearly states sexual predation is a big problem in our area but that modest dress is unlikely to help reduce this violence against young women. However, it also validated the concerns of soap in terms of school attire needing to be conducive to positive learning environment.

[Anonymous]

I’m still really confused why OP is upset about the kid exposing a few inches of one of the least titillating parts of the body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture.

this can be a bit of a dangerous mindset, she has agency and is at around the age when kids start devolping there own identity socially, style wise and sexually and even if you disagree with forms it takes you have to acknowledge that's what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I'd rather know what my kid is wearing as she leaves the house than have her change clothes in the car or as soon as she gets to school.

[Anonymous]

This is about to be our new school dress code:

The following rules will soon be in place for students:

A top and bottom layer of clothing made of opaque material must be worn
Tops that expose arms, shoulders, stomachs, midriff, neck lines, chest and straps are allowed but the nipples must be covered
Bottoms that expose legs, thighs, hips and that expose straps and waistbands will be allowed. The groin and buttocks must be covered.
Headwear and head coverings such as ball caps, head scarves and durags are allowed but the face must be visible.
Dress or headwear required for religious reasons will be allowed
Undergarments must not be worn as outerwear
Students will not be allowed to wear anything that promotes or symbolizes drugs, alcohol, illegal activity, hate or discrimination, profanity, pornography; that incites violence or harassment; or threatens health and safety
Clothing must not depict or display hate speech

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry about your past issues. I would gently say you really need to separate and explore your fears about what could happen to her vs. her right to enjoy her body and experiment with her appearance. Your current path leads to her just hiding her “unacceptable” behaviors from you because you can’t handle it.

Experiment with a long break from giving her rules about dressing. Remove the power struggle entirely.

I agree that you should try to remove the power struggle element. But I completely HEAR YOU on how upsetting it is that our society normalizes this sexualizing minors, obviously just girls, and call it girls "enjoying their bodies". They are only copying what they see online which is sometimes soft porn-like behaviors and pedophile attitudes. It's actually really twisted and sick and it is not "girl power" at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning she was wearing ultra high waisted lululemon leggings, with a gray sweater. She had tucked the sweater into the lower band of her bra, imagine a sort of draping effect, but exposing about 3-4" of skin above the ultra high waist of the leggings.

This happens with her, every so often she takes school appropriate clothes and transforms them into something overly revealing or inappropriate for school.

I get personally upset. We've been through the rules 1000 times, I hate morning battles, and I feel upset my daughter is on board with societies sexualize kids culture. I just don't get it. And I don't like how hard she is trying to force wearing stuff like this when the venue (and weather) demand otherwise. Why do kids do this. How do I not get so upset about it. I am a victim of sexual assault and my ex was extremely crude and know this affects it too.

OMG you are blaming your daughter? I am very sorry that happened to you however you are being ridiculous.

She is not turning on men so they can have an opportunity to assault her.

You must be a troll. No mother would do this to their daughter.

She's dressing this way because of you.

What did you hope to accomplish with your post, PP? Because other than coming across as nasty, you accomplished very little. You weren't helpful. You weren't kind. Maybe you should spend some time looking inward as to why you fell the need to act out like that, and lash out unnecessarily. Trust me, there's plenty for you to work on.