Men - Am I A Red Flag?

[Anonymous]

Guy here. Your story and your background aren't red flags, but here id what are:

Lack of friends and interests
Your obvious low self esteem
Your defensive attitude whenever you think someone is attacking you. It makes relationships difficult.

My recommendation is that if you want a quality guy is to keep working on your self esteem and figure out a way to get involved in activities and make some friends. But overall the self esteem issue needs to be fixed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

OP here. I’m glad you still had a love life but you’re not me. Everyone is not you. To act like I somehow should have just dealt with it is annoying. Not everyone processes and handles things like you.

NP here. Your little pity party hasn't served you well so far, has it? So stop the angst get some self-esteem and get out there. Or keep up the wounded bird who needs a savior for her pathetic soul...choice is yours

OP here. I asked for a man reply. I don’t mean to sound rude but you saying you didn’t let it interfere with your love life sounded like an insult to me for being insecure that I let it affect mine. Everyone is different. Not everyone handles situations the same. I also dealt with other illnesses during that time.

That's not what pp said though, she actually wrote, you a really nice reply, but you chose to interpret as an attack because you have low self-esteem and you are married to your victim's story. And considering pp actually has dating & relationship experience and what guys care about and you don't you may want to listen up. You literally wrote an entire post about it, when it's not the subject of your thread. And she's right BV is not a huge deal. Try dating with lupus or cancer etc. Your issue is purely that you want to view yourself as broken.

Keep it up, Its not working for you, but that's what you want to do so good luck to you!

NP. It's a familiar theme, and I think OP has started multiple threads on this -- many of which start with "Men," or "Men -". I think she often has them deleted, once it is pointed out.

OP, the past story isn't going to keep you from dating now. Nor is a stretch of celibacy, nor would a stretch of multiple partners during that time.

It's about who you are now. If you feel bad about yourself, that comes through. If you do act like a "wounded bird" and think of yourself as fragile/damaged/needing True Love to save you, then you will attract a certain type of guy -- the type that's attracted wo women with low esteem and who don't have a lot of choices.

And posting it over and over again at DCUM won't change that, and it won't change answers that you get. Always, always one of the best ways to be "interesting" is to be INTERESTED. Be involved in the world, passionate about something, physically activity, alert and alive in your life. The navel-gazing is never going to go over well, and there can be so much more to you than that. I hope therapy is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only red flag is the detail in which you told the story. Those are icky things and only your doctor wants to know them. Describe that period in your life in more generic terms like an illness or poor health. Otherwise some good advice on here. You will do great out there!

And OP has posted her story many times over the years, each time with an almost fetish-like emphasis on the way she smelled. I suspect her real problems are more mental and less vaginal.

Right.

And often a lot of details about how she has always worked with kids or is good with children. It's a little disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Your situation isn't a red flag, but you are. Continue to work on yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

OP here. I’m glad you still had a love life but you’re not me. Everyone is not you. To act like I somehow should have just dealt with it is annoying. Not everyone processes and handles things like you.

NP here. Your little pity party hasn't served you well so far, has it? So stop the angst get some self-esteem and get out there. Or keep up the wounded bird who needs a savior for her pathetic soul...choice is yours

OP here. I asked for a man reply. I don’t mean to sound rude but you saying you didn’t let it interfere with your love life sounded like an insult to me for being insecure that I let it affect mine. Everyone is different. Not everyone handles situations the same. I also dealt with other illnesses during that time.

That's not what pp said though, she actually wrote, you a really nice reply, but you chose to interpret as an attack because you have low self-esteem and you are married to your victim's story. And considering pp actually has dating & relationship experience and what guys care about and you don't you may want to listen up. You literally wrote an entire post about it, when it's not the subject of your thread. And she's right BV is not a huge deal. Try dating with lupus or cancer etc. Your issue is purely that you want to view yourself as broken.

Keep it up, Its not working for you, but that's what you want to do so good luck to you!

NP. It's a familiar theme, and I think OP has started multiple threads on this -- many of which start with "Men," or "Men -". I think she often has them deleted, once it is pointed out.

OP, the past story isn't going to keep you from dating now. Nor is a stretch of celibacy, nor would a stretch of multiple partners during that time.

It's about who you are now. If you feel bad about yourself, that comes through. If you do act like a "wounded bird" and think of yourself as fragile/damaged/needing True Love to save you, then you will attract a certain type of guy -- the type that's attracted wo women with low esteem and who don't have a lot of choices.

And posting it over and over again at DCUM won't change that, and it won't change answers that you get. Always, always one of the best ways to be "interesting" is to be INTERESTED. Be involved in the world, passionate about something, physically activity, alert and alive in your life. The navel-gazing is never going to go over well, and there can be so much more to you than that. I hope therapy is helpful.

I’m not OP, but this is very good advice for those of us who have been out of the dating market forever and may want to re-enter!

[Anonymous]

PP, I promise I have to remind myself of this, too.

And one benefit is that if you don't meet someone (for now), you have an interesting life and look forward to living it. That's the sweet spot, and it happens to make you attractive as a bonus.

Life will get you down. Everyone at a certain point will come with scars. We're not newborn babies any more. But if you are resilient, and you have a strong positive energy, it doesn't really matter. Put that in a physically active body, and you won't have problems finding interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only red flag is the detail in which you told the story. Those are icky things and only your doctor wants to know them. Describe that period in your life in more generic terms like an illness or poor health. Otherwise some good advice on here. You will do great out there!

And OP has posted her story many times over the years, each time with an almost fetish-like emphasis on the way she smelled. I suspect her real problems are more mental and less vaginal.

Right.

And often a lot of details about how she has always worked with kids or is good with children. It's a little disturbing.

Ugh guys, don’t be mean. She had an issue that precluded her from dating, she’s worried about the unknown. If guys will find her attractive or desirable.

OP I agree with the guy above who said fix your self esteem. You’ll learn also to let nasty comments roll off of you instead of feeling the need to let them inside and respond to them. They don’t serve you, let them go.

[Anonymous]

How many threads to go, before pointing it out is no longer automatically mean? I saw about 5 or 6 deleted before this. Maybe more. Long threads, too -- people pouring out their hearts, being encouraging, over and over, to no change.

Just details about smell, about sex, and about working with kids. There's surely some point at which a come to Jesus talk is relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many threads to go, before pointing it out is no longer automatically mean? I saw about 5 or 6 deleted before this. Maybe more. Long threads, too -- people pouring out their hearts, being encouraging, over and over, to no change.

Just details about smell, about sex, and about working with kids. There's surely some point at which a come to Jesus talk is relevant.

Yes this whole fixation is strange. Is it possible OP is actually a man with a weird fetish? Is this even a thing?

[Anonymous]

Rule 34.

[Anonymous]

You'll be fine! Just a few little white lies in the beginning will allow a person to get to know you before you expose your vulnerable past (a couple months into a committed relationship):
- most of my friends have moved away
- I've dated around, but I haven't met the right guy.
- I'm fine doing things I enjoy on my own if friends aren't available.
- I'm really close with my family and sister- she's my best friend

And don't forget to pivot to them as everyone likes talking about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many threads to go, before pointing it out is no longer automatically mean? I saw about 5 or 6 deleted before this. Maybe more. Long threads, too -- people pouring out their hearts, being encouraging, over and over, to no change.

Just details about smell, about sex, and about working with kids. There's surely some point at which a come to Jesus talk is relevant.

Yes this whole fixation is strange. Is it possible OP is actually a man with a weird fetish? Is this even a thing?

Why were the threads deleted?

[Anonymous]

OP requested at least some of them to be deleted, then later restarted anew.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the history. Stop with the explanation. The now is all that's really important. Present yourself well and you will be wanted, as a partner, as a friend, as an employee -- but it has to be based on The Now.

And also not on what-you-plan to do, next year or whenever.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes. I’ve posted on here many times before through the years because I was looking for advice and some encouragement from people. It can be lonely when you you don’t have friends and have no one to talk to shoot such embarrassing topics. It’s must easier to talk to strangers on the Internet over it. It’s not some weird fetish. This is stuff I’ve been dealing with since I was 17 and I’m 31 now. I just wanted some advice and encouragement.

I never deleted the threads or asked them to be. Most people noticed I posted more than once and I think reported it. I will will posting here and use something like Reddit. I didn’t know there was a limit to how many times you can post since I have seen other threads on here posted over and over again asking the same questions. Thank you for the people who were kind and helpful. Shame on you to the people who were rude. You didn’t have to read my thread.