Men - Am I A Red Flag?

[Anonymous]

Man here responding. The way you framed it above is a giant red flag. But that’s not the whole story and the advice above is solid so please take it. Also, so much of the typical city 20s single experience is stupid and a waste of time. You didn’t miss much. Focus on your career and self esteem and you will be fine. You have plenty of time to look back in five years and not recognize the person you once were.

[Anonymous]

OP, people who experience trauma can end up either stronger or weaker than those that don't. The difference depends on whether they can learn and grow from it.

Btw, not spending your 20s banging half the frathouse may be a positive for many men, not a negative.

[Anonymous]

Male opinion:

You've solved the stinky box problem. Excellent! No guy is ever going to know about that, so that's not a red flag.

Assuming you're not fat, you've got nothing to worry about. No need to resign yourself to being alone your whole life.

There are plenty of guys who won't care if you don't have a high-powered career. Lots of men find those women annoying (such women, many of whom are on DCUM, wrongly think this means they are "intimidating"). Annoying is a red flag. If you're sweet and pleasant, then that's the green flag.

There are also many men who won't care that you haven't had a boyfriend. Indeed, some regard it as a red flag if a woman has slept around a lot, and that's not you.

The possible red flag is you don't like yourself. It is hard to like others if you don't like yourself. Among other things, it makes you start looking for problems with your partner that don't exist - "what's wrong with him, why does he like a loser like me?"

Learn to like yourself and you should be good to go!

[Anonymous]

No red flag.

Just stop telling this story. Make it something else or a hernia at most.

Be forward looking!

[Anonymous]

The only red flag is the detail in which you told the story. Those are icky things and only your doctor wants to know them. Describe that period in your life in more generic terms like an illness or poor health. Otherwise some good advice on here. You will do great out there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fast forward a year and I feel like I’m in a much better place. I met with a natural doctor who helped me immensely. She helped me find the root cause of my issues and I was able to eradicate my vaginal infections and greatly improve my IBS. I still have some issues if I eat certain foods but I'm fine if I stick to a certain diet. I have been seeing a chiropractor and acupuncturist for my nerve condition, and while not healed, I feel much better. I spent the last year in therapy discussing all of these things.

. I had a bad "down there" infection and a terrible gaslighting, slacking urologist, but my pcp put me on tetracycline for something else which finally helped. Then hubby rubbed against me and it came back. May I ask who this doctor is? I need your help OP!

[Anonymous]

OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fast forward a year and I feel like I’m in a much better place. I met with a natural doctor who helped me immensely. She helped me find the root cause of my issues and I was able to eradicate my vaginal infections and greatly improve my IBS. I still have some issues if I eat certain foods but I'm fine if I stick to a certain diet. I have been seeing a chiropractor and acupuncturist for my nerve condition, and while not healed, I feel much better. I spent the last year in therapy discussing all of these things.

. I had a bad "down there" infection and a terrible gaslighting, slacking urologist, but my pcp put me on tetracycline for something else which finally helped. Then hubby rubbed against me and it came back. May I ask who this doctor is? I need your help OP!

Try oral Flagyl. That’s assuming it’s bacterial vaginosis. That’s what worked for me.

[Anonymous]

The OP doesn't want to know about stinky vaginas. She's solved that problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

All of this !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have stayed in, and are going into, fields that are predominantly women. How do you plan to meet men?

Workplace is not a pick-up bar. #metoo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male opinion:

You've solved the stinky box problem. Excellent! No guy is ever going to know about that, so that's not a red flag.

Assuming you're not fat, you've got nothing to worry about. No need to resign yourself to being alone your whole life.

There are plenty of guys who won't care if you don't have a high-powered career. Lots of men find those women annoying (such women, many of whom are on DCUM, wrongly think this means they are "intimidating"). Annoying is a red flag. If you're sweet and pleasant, then that's the green flag.

There are also many men who won't care that you haven't had a boyfriend. Indeed, some regard it as a red flag if a woman has slept around a lot, and that's not you.

The possible red flag is you don't like yourself. It is hard to like others if you don't like yourself. Among other things, it makes you start looking for problems with your partner that don't exist - "what's wrong with him, why does he like a loser like me?"

Learn to like yourself and you should be good to go!

Man here and I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I tried it all. Multiple oral antibiotics and creams only for it to clear up and come back. It was a vicious cycle or BV, yeast infection from the BV, and then a UTI. I had an infection at least every other month.

I don’t tell people this. I’m saying realistically men will ask about my past, my past relationship, friends, etc. I don’t know what to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

OP here. I’m glad you still had a love life but you’re not me. Everyone is not you. To act like I somehow should have just dealt with it is annoying. Not everyone processes and handles things like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK first, stop telling people you don’t have friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. That’s information people don’t need to know. Just don’t share it..

Second, I’ve had tons of issues like bacteria vaginosis that recurs and urinary tract infections and interstitial cystitis. Painful intercourse is common for me. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends, several of him wanted to marry me. Even while I was still dealing with these issues. These are very common medical issues that many women have. If the bacteria vaginosis comes back again, I have found that the best treatment for me is oral Flagyl. Don’t mess around with the creams. They don’t really work in my experience.

There’s nothing wrong with you except for your perspective and how down on yourself you are. You don’t seem to value yourself. I am not a psychologist so I don’t know how to reverse that for you but that is what you need to work on.

OP here. I’m glad you still had a love life but you’re not me. Everyone is not you. To act like I somehow should have just dealt with it is annoying. Not everyone processes and handles things like you.

NP here. Your little pity party hasn't served you well so far, has it? So stop the angst get some self-esteem and get out there. Or keep up the wounded bird who needs a savior for her pathetic soul...choice is yours