DD dislikes Half sister

[Anonymous]

Sometimes teens are brats. Adults like your DH and his wife should find a way to work through being hurt. Your teen is probably feeling replaced as dady's baby girl. And pissed about not knowing.
Normal.

Your ex DH is reaping the consequences of his choice not to share this with his DD during lockdown. That's his prerogative. But now he has to deal with the fall out.

Soon your DD will be out of the house, off to college, visitation will be rare, and she can mature and figure out how to handle her relationship with dad, his wife, and the baby.

I might remind my daughter that it's not the baby's fault her parents made the decision she did, and that one doesn't get a sister (half or otherwise) every day, and maybe she should forgive them. Otherwise I would stay out of it.

Support your DD, remind her to be kind and diplomatic, and otherwise take a back seat while she and her dad navigate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I have something important to say like a birth or a wedding, I text

“I need to talk to you about something important. Call me back today.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When is the last time your DD saw her father? If it was long enough ago that she didn't see step-mom pregnant, that's why DD is unnerved. Her dad has a new baby that gets all of him, and she hasn't seen him in X months.

Before the pandemic started. Usually she saw him over breaks as the lives on the west coast. He would fly here and she would visit. We divorced when she was young so my current DH has been someone she saw on a daily basis

Thats too long without a visit. Way too long. She's 16 and should have, at a MINIMUM, been flown out for a visit as soon as she was vaccinated (which should have been months ago now). My son, whose father is in a different state, has continued visitation throughout the pandemic.

She's not angry about the baby. She's angry that her dad hasn't insisted on seeing her.

Read the post. DD isn't allowed to visit Dad. Dad has to always be the one visiting and its only been a visit vs. actual time with Dad. Mom blocked the relationship, Dad gave up.

But DD is mad that dad hasn't insisted. He could insist. He also could have flown out to visit during the pandemic. If OP is the one blocking the relationship (from the bolded in the embedded quote it's not clear if DD also flies to the west coast to visit, or if visits only take place when dad flies east), then DD will realize that in time and OP will get her due.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for her. Basically she's now seen both her mother and her father get new partners, start new families, and push her aside. She probably feels like a has been who isn't central to either family unit. She'll probably get over it, sure, but it's hard to blame her for feeling that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

You are beyond horrible and not only do your step DDs think so but someday your DD will think so, too. And your DH is an axxhole and sh!tty dad for going along with your plan.

Its not horrible. We didn't say anything either. Ex-wife refused visits despite us buying a plane ticket for each and every court ordered visit but she wouldn't send them. We didn't want the drama so we didn't say anything till baby was home. One of the kids eventually came to visit. But, at some point, they were late teens/adults and enough was enough.

OP daughter Dad was replaced by her husband. OP never let daughter visit in Dad's home and Dad always had to come there. That is not a relationship. OP sounds fully of drama.

OP here I didn't wabt her to fly there till she was 14. So he used to fly.
But how is that a problem. I didn't want them alone together so visitation was at my house till she was 12 and they could do day trips. How is that wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

You are beyond horrible and not only do your step DDs think so but someday your DD will think so, too. And your DH is an axxhole and sh!tty dad for going along with your plan.

Its not horrible. We didn't say anything either. Ex-wife refused visits despite us buying a plane ticket for each and every court ordered visit but she wouldn't send them. We didn't want the drama so we didn't say anything till baby was home. One of the kids eventually came to visit. But, at some point, they were late teens/adults and enough was enough.

OP daughter Dad was replaced by her husband. OP never let daughter visit in Dad's home and Dad always had to come there. That is not a relationship. OP sounds fully of drama.

OP here I didn't wabt her to fly there till she was 14. So he used to fly.
But how is that a problem. I didn't want them alone together so visitation was at my house till she was 12 and they could do day trips. How is that wrong?

He's her DAD. Why didn't you want them alone together???

She's going to hate you when she's an adult and realizes that you stole her relationship with her father from her. Is she alone with your DH ever? My goodness.

[Anonymous]

Yep, the new info that OP dropped changes things. She is obstructing DD’s relationship with her dad, but dad still should have told her long before the new baby arrived. So should the evil stepmothers on here who are threatened by their DH’s ex-wives and the children from those marriages. Those stepmoms are short-sighted and equally guilty of depriving their own kids of relationships with stepsibs that could be healthy and beneficial, while at the same time working to ruin the dad’s relationship with his (other) bio kids. I agree with PP that these dads are lousy for bowing to this pressure from the new wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

You are beyond horrible and not only do your step DDs think so but someday your DD will think so, too. And your DH is an axxhole and sh!tty dad for going along with your plan.

Its not horrible. We didn't say anything either. Ex-wife refused visits despite us buying a plane ticket for each and every court ordered visit but she wouldn't send them. We didn't want the drama so we didn't say anything till baby was home. One of the kids eventually came to visit. But, at some point, they were late teens/adults and enough was enough.

OP daughter Dad was replaced by her husband. OP never let daughter visit in Dad's home and Dad always had to come there. That is not a relationship. OP sounds fully of drama.

OP here I didn't wabt her to fly there till she was 14. So he used to fly.
But how is that a problem. I didn't want them alone together so visitation was at my house till she was 12 and they could do day trips. How is that wrong?

It is wrong to separate a child from their parent. Full stop.

You alienated her from her dad and now you are complaining that she is alienated from her dad? Please, have her go to a therapist so that she can work through all the things her parents have done to damage her relationship with them. She needs is ASAP.

[Anonymous]

OP is a bit clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There’s no scenario where the dad isn’t fully in the wrong here. I also primarily text my kids. If I have something important to say like a birth or a wedding, I text

“I need to talk to you about something important. Call me back today.”

It really is that simple. The dad is a loser.

Seriously? This particular situation aside, if I call my kid, they better answer or have a good reason why. I'm not one to make a lot of calls to someone who prefers to be texted, including my kids, so if I'm calling it's because I want to speak with you for some reason. And you damn sure better not ignore my calls for months, at least, not if you want to have privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

What a charmer you are. I'm sure your stepdaughters don't give two shits about you, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would consider finding a therapist for your DD to talk to. Her dad is really doing a number on her and she’s understandably really angry out it. Having a neutral third party to talk to might help her cope with those emotions in a healthy way.

Oh, please. It's a little premature for that, don't you think? The baby is two months old; she'll come around.

NP, but I think a therapist is a good idea. I'd guess that there are a lot of things going on, and having a safe place to talk through all her feelings is probably healthy. OP can't really be a neutral arbiter. The dad and stepmom made a huge mistake not mentioning the pregnancy, and having to deal with a new half-sibling is a big deal anyway.

[Anonymous]

Everyone in this story is trashy and shouldn’t even be allowed to reproduce.

[Anonymous]

For all the people dragging OP's daughter about "being mean to the baby", you do all realize that the baby is 2 months old and doesn't know its armpit from its a**hole, right? Plus, OP and daughter live thousands of miles away? So she can't "be mean" to the baby, since she is not physically there, plus a baby that young isn't aware of her half-sister's existence. So calm down about the "baby cruelty" that is going on by daughter "ignoring" her half-sibling. Christ almighty, some of you are knee-jerk reactive if people don't fawn all over a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for her. Basically she's now seen both her mother and her father get new partners, start new families, and push her aside. She probably feels like a has been who isn't central to either family unit. She'll probably get over it, sure, but it's hard to blame her for feeling that way.

At the same time. Life goes on. She gets to learn that divorce is not the end of the world and people can be happy again