DD dislikes Half sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

Child is 16. There is zero point as Mom will just refuse and not comply and no judge is going to enforce it. It is probably fake but if its not then good for Dad for finally starting to say no to mom and child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I'm sorry but some of these posts are just crazy. As teenagers get older they need and want more. So things like car- he needs to pay for half and also pay the insurance costs as well share fuel costs. She will want holidays with friends- that cost needs to be shared.
How do you suggest she get a job during the pandemic?

He doesn't NEED to buy her a car and pay insurance. If she's in person school, activities, you are fine with her going to driving school and everything else, she can get a job at the mall or babysit to pay for it. He is paying for everything out of child support. His 1/2 comes from child support and you get a job and pay for the other half.

They don't need more. They need about 10 outfits. They want more. They don't need to learn to drive. They can take the bus. Or, you aren't working and she's not, so you can drive her. If she wants holidays with friends, YOU need to pay for it if you approve it. Otherwise her holiday should be with her Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not?
Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

Child is 16. There is zero point as Mom will just refuse and not comply and no judge is going to enforce it. It is probably fake but if its not then good for Dad for finally starting to say no to mom and child.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not? Or I'm assuming he couldn't afford to fight her in court?!
Maybe your daughter is upset now because dad might just now have a real relationship with his new baby?
This is pretty messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not?
Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

Child is 16. There is zero point as Mom will just refuse and not comply and no judge is going to enforce it. It is probably fake but if its not then good for Dad for finally starting to say no to mom and child.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not? Or I'm assuming he couldn't afford to fight her in court?!
Maybe your daughter is upset now because dad might just now have a real relationship with his new baby?
This is pretty messed up.

If you are deployed you cannot just hop on a plane for a court hearing. OP is just upset as she is unable to set limits with her daughter and she can be the fun parent who buys her kid everything with Dad's money. Mom can easily get a job. Child is 16 and can easily get a job. Dad sounds extremely generous even with the cut backs. Dad and child have zero relationship so its silly to fight for it or even worry about it when the child is 16. Child can still have a relationship, but mom will not allow it. Mom gets plenty of money if she can spend $300 for a coat (cost of a flight), $3K for driving lessons or even paying for a car for a 16 year old. Mom doesn't want child to have a relationship so its silly to fight it in court as mom will not comply with the court order.

Bottomline is if OP is for real and she doesn't feel the child support and all the extra's dad pays for is enough, she and DD can both get jobs to make up the rest.

[Anonymous]

Bottom line - the betrayal you feel for your Father has nothing to do with the baby. You don't punish Dad by hating a baby. You punish Dad by speaking your mind and telling him how you feel until you heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line - the betrayal you feel for your Father has nothing to do with the baby. You don't punish Dad by hating a baby. You punish Dad by speaking your mind and telling him how you feel until you heal.

He’s not dad. He’s a human atm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Gee, I wonder why she’s reacting the way she is.

Dad is a tool. You want to keep it quiet from others because you’ve “had losses,” fine, but you don’t spring this entirely out of the blue on your teenaged daughter. How selfish of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't understand why your ex didn't take you to court over this. You should be grateful that he didn't. A judge would take you apart for parental alienation. You sound unbelievably controlling and entitled and it sounds like your ex is sick of it and trying to reset things.

Because her ex is an idiot.

It's cute how several PPs are mentioning "Dad was not allowed to, Dad is a saint." Dad did not want to. The stuff that men get away with!

It sounds like he didn’t even go to court and try. But sure, it’s aaaaalllll Mom’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't understand why your ex didn't take you to court over this. You should be grateful that he didn't. A judge would take you apart for parental alienation. You sound unbelievably controlling and entitled and it sounds like your ex is sick of it and trying to reset things.

Because her ex is an idiot.

It's cute how several PPs are mentioning "Dad was not allowed to, Dad is a saint." Dad did not want to. The stuff that men get away with!

It sounds like he didn’t even go to court and try. But sure, it’s aaaaalllll Mom’s fault.

We don’t know the entire story. Maybe he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not?
Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

Child is 16. There is zero point as Mom will just refuse and not comply and no judge is going to enforce it. It is probably fake but if its not then good for Dad for finally starting to say no to mom and child.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not? Or I'm assuming he couldn't afford to fight her in court?!
Maybe your daughter is upset now because dad might just now have a real relationship with his new baby?
This is pretty messed up.

If you are deployed you cannot just hop on a plane for a court hearing. OP is just upset as she is unable to set limits with her daughter and she can be the fun parent who buys her kid everything with Dad's money. Mom can easily get a job. Child is 16 and can easily get a job. Dad sounds extremely generous even with the cut backs. Dad and child have zero relationship so its silly to fight for it or even worry about it when the child is 16. Child can still have a relationship, but mom will not allow it. Mom gets plenty of money if she can spend $300 for a coat (cost of a flight), $3K for driving lessons or even paying for a car for a 16 year old. Mom doesn't want child to have a relationship so its silly to fight it in court as mom will not comply with the court order.

Bottomline is if OP is for real and she doesn't feel the child support and all the extra's dad pays for is enough, she and DD can both get jobs to make up the rest.

Yeah, I’m sure he’s been deployed 24/7 for the past 16 years.

Excuses, excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

Gee, I wonder why she’s reacting the way she is.

Dad is a tool. You want to keep it quiet from others because you’ve “had losses,” fine, but you don’t spring this entirely out of the blue on your teenaged daughter. How selfish of him.

What other options did he have. Op will not allow visits in dads home or much contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn’t tell her all the way up to the birth? Surprise, we had a baby?

I’d be pissed too. Not shocking she’s taking it out by ignoring the baby, but she’ll probably come around. It’s just so new. Hopefully you’re validating her feelings that it was wrong for her dad and stepmom to keep it from her, because it was.

OP here yes they video called from the hospital and said here's your sister oh and we got married. My DD hasn't been all that close to her dad ever. They get along just fine but it's more of a let's do fun things rather than have a deep meaningful relationship.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not?
Then he’s reaping what he sowed and I would tell him as such. It’s on him and the stepmom to fix this and they should start with a sincere apology to your DD for keeping it from her. Your job is to validate your DD’s feelings whatever they may be. Hopefully no one is forcing her to spend time at their house with the baby.

Exactly. DD is giving the same thought and effort into the baby as was given into telling her about the baby and marriage. It wasn’t important enough to discuss with her, so it still isn’t. It’s childish…well DD is a child, with a father that started a new life and did not include her in the biggest parts of it. She may eventually move on and when she ever sees the baby, she may warm up. But her Daddy needs to step up and own this. Apologize sincerely and include her, really include her in his new life. You, Mom can’t fix this. It will just show even more how Dad isn’t doing what HE should do. You certainly can listen when/if she wants to talk. If there is anyone for you to speak to..it’s ExH.

DD is NOT allowed to visit in Dad's home. What is Dad supposed to do? Just continue to chase mom and beg for visits. Mom remarried early and had more kids. That is ok, but its not ok for Dad to wait 12 or so years and remarry and have more kids. Mom is the problem here. She made it very difficult for Dad to be a parent.

This is about money. Dad has paid for everything and now has to cut back as there is a new baby. He is no longer willing to be a human ATM. Demanding $3K for driving lessons is absurd. Most schools are under $600 and mom can teach her driving. His portion should come out of child support at that's a normal life expense. She sets up Dad by demanding money that isn't even reasonable and then slamming him.

$200 is generous for a birthday.

The bolded statement must be a joke.

This man has money to throw around for useless gifts but cannot hire an attorney to make sure that he gets a proper relationaship with his child.
He is not interested in his daughter. He never has been really.

I hope OP is a troll. Otherwise, her daughter has two unbelievably terrible parents.

Child is 16. There is zero point as Mom will just refuse and not comply and no judge is going to enforce it. It is probably fake but if its not then good for Dad for finally starting to say no to mom and child.

I believe OP said he was in the military and deployed. Not sure if he is still in the military or not? Or I'm assuming he couldn't afford to fight her in court?!
Maybe your daughter is upset now because dad might just now have a real relationship with his new baby?
This is pretty messed up.

If you are deployed you cannot just hop on a plane for a court hearing. OP is just upset as she is unable to set limits with her daughter and she can be the fun parent who buys her kid everything with Dad's money. Mom can easily get a job. Child is 16 and can easily get a job. Dad sounds extremely generous even with the cut backs. Dad and child have zero relationship so its silly to fight for it or even worry about it when the child is 16. Child can still have a relationship, but mom will not allow it. Mom gets plenty of money if she can spend $300 for a coat (cost of a flight), $3K for driving lessons or even paying for a car for a 16 year old. Mom doesn't want child to have a relationship so its silly to fight it in court as mom will not comply with the court order.

Bottomline is if OP is for real and she doesn't feel the child support and all the extra's dad pays for is enough, she and DD can both get jobs to make up the rest.

Yeah, I’m sure he’s been deployed 24/7 for the past 16 years.

Excuses, excuses.

OP said dd wasn't comfortable being with dad because she is a mommy's girl. Reading this whole thread I think OP has set the tone in this relationship. She wanted a human ATM she got one. I wonder if you did this to lock maximum child support? Seems that way. Joint custody wouldn't have afforded you that privilege. Dad is fed up. Leave him be.
I still can't understand why you wanted supervised visits and didn't let DD visit him till later. You wanted to control the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of OP dad is in the wrong for keeping the marriage secret. The baby....it would depend on the losses, and whether he pregnancy was high risk..but they did not have a high risk wedding. That was deliberate cruelty.

[Anonymous]

Wow this thread really took a turn. Poor DD. No wonder she feels cut out of Dad's life.

Trying to wrap my head around OP's finances. All child support money goes toward DD's "portions" of the housing and food costs, and Dad is supposed to pay for all tuition, clothes, and gym separately, plus allowance and more than half of whatever else she wants? So...what does OP pay for for DD? Anything? I didnt think the custodial parent was supposed to get 100% of the cost of raising a kid covered by the non-custodial parent.

Also, if OP doesn't have money for clothes, coats, or flights that should be priorities, how does she have such expensive taste? I was raised MC and can't imagine asking my parents for a $300 coat, and we never had any expectation of parents buying cars, and those are thr standards my kids are growing up with. But we do save and plan sometimes a year ahead to travel to see family and close friends, which i think is the closest analogy to visiting an actual parent.