Guy canceled date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1 This guy did none of those things. OP should move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1 This guy did none of those things. OP should move on.

Yep the guy messed up. He should have just ghosted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.

ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/

I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.

It’s about the children you dope
How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.

Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.

ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/

I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.

How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.

Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

It’s about the children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1 This guy did none of those things. OP should move on.

Yep the guy messed up. He should have just ghosted.

Bingo. And the PP defending the OP is batshit too. They are perfect examples of the crazies in the dating pool here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1

Sending a text instead of phoning was cowardly. He knew this. It makes me tend to disbelieve him about his excuse. Sending a last minute text the OP might not have gotten until she was actually at the destination is a nasty thing to do. 10 minutes before she left the house means she could easily have already been driving.

And I don't like his suggestion that he will pay for the tickets unless OP "can get a refund", and she should "let me know." A. He should have just offered to pay for the tickets, without the implication that OP needs to jump through the hoops of trying to get a last minute refund. The "let me know" part irritates me a lot. This makes it sound as if the guy doesn't plan to call OP to check in after he backed out of their date, but that he'll wait to hear from her about whether she wants him to pay for the tickets.

This has nothing to do with him being a good dad. He could have phoned OP to cancel the date and assure her that of course he would pay for the tickets, then called her back after his kids were in bed to apologize and give plans for their next date.

This guy doesn't care. I don't think OP should text him back.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't expect him to call if he had the kids with him. They don't need to overhear him cancelling a date because Mom had to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
‘I have some bad news 😔 my ex got called in for an emergency at work and I gotta grab the kids. I’m so sorry! If you can get a refund on the tickets let me know. If not I will pay you for the tickets!! I feel so bad I’m sorry!’

Doubt it is an excuse, but if you can't normalize yourself to this, maybe date childless.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.

ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/

I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.

How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.

Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

It’s about the children

No it's not, not in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't expect him to call if he had the kids with him. They don't need to overhear him cancelling a date because Mom had to work.

He could call before the kids came over or before he went over to his exes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.

+1

Sending a text instead of phoning was cowardly. He knew this. It makes me tend to disbelieve him about his excuse. Sending a last minute text the OP might not have gotten until she was actually at the destination is a nasty thing to do. 10 minutes before she left the house means she could easily have already been driving.

And I don't like his suggestion that he will pay for the tickets unless OP "can get a refund", and she should "let me know." A. He should have just offered to pay for the tickets, without the implication that OP needs to jump through the hoops of trying to get a last minute refund. The "let me know" part irritates me a lot. This makes it sound as if the guy doesn't plan to call OP to check in after he backed out of their date, but that he'll wait to hear from her about whether she wants him to pay for the tickets.

This has nothing to do with him being a good dad. He could have phoned OP to cancel the date and assure her that of course he would pay for the tickets, then called her back after his kids were in bed to apologize and give plans for their next date.

This guy doesn't care. I don't think OP should text him back.

Thank you ! All of this.

[Anonymous]

PP is banana’s. There are several nutso women on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.

ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/

I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.

How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.

Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

This is not about the ex but about the kids. If I were divorced and my ex needed something for the kids my kids needs come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.

ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/

I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.

How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.

Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

This is not about the ex but about the kids. If I were divorced and my ex needed something for the kids my kids needs come first.

They didn't need something in this scenarion. Mommy did because she has decided to structure her life to continue to have ex husband at her beck and call and he is fine with that, probably still sleeping with her too.

[Anonymous]

Op here- I havent heard back from him since that text last night! I’d think if someone was sincerely apologetic, they would have reached out by now!