Can cheating be justified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped wearing my ring and my selfish a-hole “spouse” didn’t even notice for two years. He doesn’t notice his own kids talking to him either.

My spouse never even gave me one, so.

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

I have no time for an affair but would be open to one given the joke of a marriage I am stuck in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some people that do not see sex as a need. More of something that's nice to have if things are right. For those people, cheating is never justified because sex is something you can go without.

Once you understand that, you understand the anti-cheating mindset.

What about emotional affairs then? Does it only count as cheating if it is physical?

[Anonymous]

It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

Well said. The bolded part is the key take-away. The real reason some people are so against cheating is they are insecure in their own marriage. They want an extreme social stigma so that they can treat their spouse like crap and the only option is a divorce which can be ruinous financially and for the kids.

Okay, sure. Very secure which is why so many are completely blindsided. Just a thought: maybe they are against it because it wrecked their world, their kids world and caused significant trauma or destroyed their family when they were kids. Hey, but what do I know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^their

And they are contributing to the abuse and trauma of another woman because men in affairs are more critical, mean and abusive to their wives during that time to justify banging the OW.

If she wants to find a salvation with a single man so be it, but don’t walk into another woman’s marriage and contribute to her and her children’s pain.

This is exactly why I have such a problem with affairs. It is a form of abuse, often of betrayed women that have no means to leave the marriage.

It’s better than being driven insane by a psychopath spouse who’s never around anyhow.

I think this was directed to women stuck in marriages because they can't afford to leave their cheating husbands, and their husbands know it. Cheating is a form of abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend with three children who has been separated from her husband for two years and he refuses to get a divorce. He has substance abuse problems and been in and out of rehab, has a difficult time holding a job and has had to have restraining orders laid on him. It’s a mess. If she “cheated” on him tomorrow I’d have no problem with it.

I hope you wouldn’t think it was ok to do this with a married man. It is incredibly frustrating as a blindsided betrayed spouse for women to talk about their cheating affair partners as their saviors when 99% of these men were worse to their wives then they’re husbands were to them.

My spouse is mentally delusional so i have declared it an open marriage.

Once again, "I hope you wouldn't think it's okay to sleep with married men'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

The courage to screw other men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

+100

And we never had a dry spell and had sex a few times a week still at 20 years of marriage when he had affair (and while it was oncoming and I was oblivious) Just wanted variety/escape from himself at midlife so went online to find a messed up married individual.

Nobody will ever convince that committing adultery is justified. Just leave. Don’t gaslight and expose your spouse to stis or risk knocking someone up or meeting a loon hellbent on wrecking a family when it doesn’t go the way she planned.

OMG the hypocrisy. How would the AP being single instead of married have changed what YOUR HUSBAND did to you?

And talk about "just leave" -- is that what you did when you found out, or what he did when you found out? No, you "worked on the marriage", begged to stay/have him stay, and held on for dear life to what HE had already broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fascinating that when the question is framed differently, we hear so many stories of women's affairs. In all the other cheating posts, it's mostly stories of men cheating. As a woman I kudos the courage of those women who were otherwise stuck in miserable or even abusive marriages. Some stories, like the one who was already separated from her husband, are not even considered cheating IMO.

It's also fascinating that so many wives would immediately assume/accuse those cheating women of sleeping with married men, even though among all the stories of women's affairs in this post, none gives any indication that they were sleeping with married men. Many married women have affairs with single men, just like married men do with single women. It just shows how much insecurity women feel about their spouse cheating; hence all the anger and judgment towards infidelity.

It's funny you reach this conclusion. Instead, I read a bunch of women doing mental gymnastics to justify banging other men. They will justify it until they are blue in the face because they are blameless since they have a vagina.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

+100

And we never had a dry spell and had sex a few times a week still at 20 years of marriage when he had affair (and while it was oncoming and I was oblivious) Just wanted variety/escape from himself at midlife so went online to find a messed up married individual.

Nobody will ever convince that committing adultery is justified. Just leave. Don’t gaslight and expose your spouse to stis or risk knocking someone up or meeting a loon hellbent on wrecking a family when it doesn’t go the way she planned.

OMG the hypocrisy. How would the AP being single instead of married have changed what YOUR HUSBAND did to you?

And talk about "just leave" -- is that what you did when you found out, or what he did when you found out? No, you "worked on the marriage", begged to stay/have him stay, and held on for dear life to what HE had already broken.

HE begged and cried and pleaded and tried to hang on for dear life while throwing her under the bus.

I divorced.

Zero hypocrisy. If someone wants to screw up their own marriage by sleeping around they shouldn’t bang someone else’s spouse and contribute to the demise of a family. I told my ExH the same thing and he actually feels remorse for what he did to that man. Her, she’s blameless. Just out banging more married dudes since she’s too old and ugly to find a single man.

I’m happily remarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen to the TED talk entitled Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel. It may not change anyone's mind, but it will give you some things to think about.

She is a wack job, her work has not been peer reviewed. She is the Ann Coulter of infidelity.

It’s pathetic people will listen to any crazy person that supports their totally f’d up ideas.

I couldn't care less if it has been "peer reviewed" - if she found some "peers" who agreed with her views on cheating that still would not make cheating OK.

Stop fetishizing peer review...

Haha… you don’t know what peer reviewed means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister was emotionally and physically abused by her husband. She had an affair that gave her the confidence to leave. I think it was not only justified but necessary. Assume people other than the Taliban and the anti-cheating fanatics on here would agree

And if he found out he would have killed her.0

He did and he didn't, but thanks for trying to shame her, Mr. Taliban.

Come on. About the riskiest thing you can do is get caught cheating if your spouse is a psychopath, physically abusive. She’s lucky she didn’t get caught and got out. But, yes, he’s awful and I would still have left before that. Didn’t she confide in yiu about the abuse? Didn’t you try to help her?

I knew about the emotional abuse but not the physical until she divorced. She was too embarrassed to share that part and I would have intervened. I tried to help her leave before but she had zero confidence, had gained weight, and saw herself as someone not worthy of love. I really think her affair helped her see herself in a better light.

This was me too. The affair was my only source of strength. He made me feel loved and valued. It was only when the affair ended that I felt the full impact of being alone, and that hurts like hell.

I'm sure his wife hurts like hell after finding out a man she gave unconditional trust to, had an entire life and children with, was banging you. That pain is visceral and causes severe trauma, especially as she tries to piece together all of the times he was with you when he said he was somewhere else.

Nope. You get zero sympathy for your pain as you were part and parcel of another woman's.

I'm sorry I must have missed where they said that the guys were married. Oh no that's just you projecting so you can be the perpetual victim wallowing in her own misery because her husband cheated on her.