If you're 35 or over, how many close friends do you have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this to be mean but I’m really surprised so many people don’t have close friends. I have at least two from every phase of my life from elementary school through my career.

Yes! I agree this is surprising and sad. Just be friendly and kind and thoughtful and you will have no problem collecting friends from every stage of life!

I am one, but social anxiety disorder is the reason.

[Anonymous]

I can count 13 people who I talk to and hang out with regularly and would drop anything if I really needed them (and vice versa, of course):

2 sisters
3 from High School
2 from College
5 post-grad
1 Miscellaneous lifetime friend


There are many more that I text with regularly and love to spend time with, etc. I have wonderful neighbors who I’m close with, and other high school, college, sports team friends who I value. But as far as very close friends, it’s these 13 people. I feel fortunate, of course. And I also proud because you have to be a good friend to keep your friends.

[Anonymous]

I have ten friends in whom I can confide anything. I am in contact with four of them several times a week, and the other ones several times a month. The frequency is based on their responsiveness and availability.

[Anonymous]

Beyond my siblings probably half a dozen. One lives nearby and we are in contact a few times a week. The others monthly. These are the people I would jump on a plane to help them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this to be mean but I’m really surprised so many people don’t have close friends. I have at least two from every phase of my life from elementary school through my career.

Yes! I agree this is surprising and sad. Just be friendly and kind and thoughtful and you will have no problem collecting friends from every stage of life!

I am one, but social anxiety disorder is the reason.

Yeah, consider yourself lucky this comes so easily for you. I’m shy and have a hard time initiating plans even though I am happy to get together with people. I absolutely hate talking on the phone except with my mom. I have various mom friends, neighbor friends, old friends, but I wouldn’t consider someone a “close friend” just because we are on a group text together or chat at soccer practice. I also stopped working in an office at age 27, so I don’t have a collection of work friends to draw upon. I see pics of ppl on social media highlighting that they have a large group of friends. If that brings them joy, then I am happy for them. I am much happier with a smaller set of people I really know and trust rather than trying to collect large numbers of friends. I would welcome making new friends but it’s not like a goal for me to cultivate many dozens of friends if it’s not meant to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this to be mean but I’m really surprised so many people don’t have close friends. I have at least two from every phase of my life from elementary school through my career.

Yes! I agree this is surprising and sad. Just be friendly and kind and thoughtful and you will have no problem collecting friends from every stage of life!

I am one, but social anxiety disorder is the reason.

Yeah, consider yourself lucky this comes so easily for you. I’m shy and have a hard time initiating plans even though I am happy to get together with people. I absolutely hate talking on the phone except with my mom. I have various mom friends, neighbor friends, old friends, but I wouldn’t consider someone a “close friend” just because we are on a group text together or chat at soccer practice. I also stopped working in an office at age 27, so I don’t have a collection of work friends to draw upon. I see pics of ppl on social media highlighting that they have a large group of friends. If that brings them joy, then I am happy for them. I am much happier with a smaller set of people I really know and trust rather than trying to collect large numbers of friends. I would welcome making new friends but it’s not like a goal for me to cultivate many dozens of friends if it’s not meant to be.

+1

Some people were bullied when younger so it’s not easy.

[Anonymous]

A family member recently passed away. Reaching out to his friends to tell them the news, 10 of them said, "he was my best friend."

A life well lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None local. DH and I have close friends from grad school when were in a married couples group at the grad school. They live all over but we try to see them each every year or two and sometimes travel together. But I haven’t been able to form as close of a new friendship since then. I thought I did in baby group with my first baby, but once the kids went to K it kind of just evaporated and now we are all just FB friends despite living nearby. Yet I can see a grad school friend after 2 years and pickup like no time passed at all.

Same same same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this to be mean but I’m really surprised so many people don’t have close friends. I have at least two from every phase of my life from elementary school through my career.

I think many people define "close" differently, and that impacts how they answer this question.

I have many friends but only a very few that I would consider close enough to talk to if I was going through a rough time. Also, my friendships ebb and flow, so at any given time, I might only have one or two people I feel close to. Doesn't mean I've stopped being friends with my BFF from high school or my closest friend from grad school. It just means that they are not currently who I'd call to discuss something serious because that's just not where we are at right now.

Also, something I've observed in my life is that the nature of your life and specifically, your problems, can impact how close you feel to others. Some problems are easier to discuss with friends and can bring you closer. I have a friend who had a cancer scare a few years ago and it was a time where we all gathered around her and got closer to her. It was a problem that was easy to understand and it felt somewhat straightforward how to help and support her. That's not necessarily true for people who deal with things like abusive relationships or mental health problems, which can actually inhibit your ability to be close to others.

If you have many close friends, it's likely you've never experienced this kind of problem, the kind that pushes you away from others or that others might choose to avoid by avoiding you. You are lucky in your friendships and in other ways too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean this to be mean but I’m really surprised so many people don’t have close friends. I have at least two from every phase of my life from elementary school through my career.

I think many people define "close" differently, and that impacts how they answer this question.

I have many friends but only a very few that I would consider close enough to talk to if I was going through a rough time. Also, my friendships ebb and flow, so at any given time, I might only have one or two people I feel close to. Doesn't mean I've stopped being friends with my BFF from high school or my closest friend from grad school. It just means that they are not currently who I'd call to discuss something serious because that's just not where we are at right now.

Also, something I've observed in my life is that the nature of your life and specifically, your problems, can impact how close you feel to others. Some problems are easier to discuss with friends and can bring you closer. I have a friend who had a cancer scare a few years ago and it was a time where we all gathered around her and got closer to her. It was a problem that was easy to understand and it felt somewhat straightforward how to help and support her. That's not necessarily true for people who deal with things like abusive relationships or mental health problems, which can actually inhibit your ability to be close to others.

If you have many close friends, it's likely you've never experienced this kind of problem, the kind that pushes you away from others or that others might choose to avoid by avoiding you. You are lucky in your friendships and in other ways too.

+1, this poster is very thoughtful and wise.