If you're 35 or over, how many close friends do you have

[Anonymous]

zero 🙁

[Anonymous]

I would be curious how many over 35 with close friends either work or SAH. I think SAH would be easier way to make Mom friends, and have the frequent, relaxed and organic get together where friendships can grow.

Maybe it’s grass is greener, but I have made no friends at work since no one lives nearby to us (everyone commutes 30 hrs plus) and we don’t have any after work hangouts. Sure we are friendly at work but nothing further and little organic relaxed time.

Am I wrong? Is being over 35 lonely for everyone?? Please clarify PPD who have lots of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy, mid 40s. I've had the same set of "good" friends for about 20 years. 2 high school friends are my best friends and 2-3 friends from college are good friends. Sadly, I haven't really made new friends after college.

The other sad part is that most of these guys live out of state so I rarely see them.

Another guy here, same story.

Part of it is friendships with families are driven by DWs, and my DW is a major introvert and perfectly happy with just nuclear family and that’s it.

Fostering my own friendships requires too much logistics and coordination with family. I wish I played sports when younger so I could help the dads coach our kids teams, but as I’m less than useless on field it has not worked out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe 10-15. Every week by text/WhatsApp, and I see the local ones every few weeks or so. I have a permanent WhatsApp conversation going with a group of high school friends. I'm 38.

You have 15 close friends! Wow...how do you have time for this? Honest Q.

It doesn't take long to stay connected by text. I check in, they check in, we share pictures, articles and memes we enjoy, etc. Most of them aren't local and I see them maybe once a year or less for some, but we're up to date on each other's lives and if I had a problem I know I could go to them for help.

^ In response to a different poster, I (10-15 friends poster) am a WOHM (biglaw) with three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be curious how many over 35 with close friends either work or SAH. I think SAH would be easier way to make Mom friends, and have the frequent, relaxed and organic get together where friendships can grow.

Maybe it’s grass is greener, but I have made no friends at work since no one lives nearby to us (everyone commutes 30 hrs plus) and we don’t have any after work hangouts. Sure we are friendly at work but nothing further and little organic relaxed time.

Am I wrong? Is being over 35 lonely for everyone?? Please clarify PPD who have lots of friends.

Nope. Being a SAHM is really lonely. Maybe it's different in areas with more SAHMs, but in DC where they are few and far between, it's pretty lonely. Especially after your child is 1 or 2 -- most other moms go back to work and it's hard to find moms with same age kids to spend time with.

Plus, past those first 12 months, getting together with other adults with kids is never relaxing or organic. The kids require a ton of work at that age. It doesn't calm down again until they are 5 or 6 and can entertain themselves without intervention a bit more. It's very hard to hang out and relax when you are constantly fielding snack requests, complaints about someone standing too close, questions about literally everything that is, has, or will ever happen, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be curious how many over 35 with close friends either work or SAH. I think SAH would be easier way to make Mom friends, and have the frequent, relaxed and organic get together where friendships can grow.

Maybe it’s grass is greener, but I have made no friends at work since no one lives nearby to us (everyone commutes 30 hrs plus) and we don’t have any after work hangouts. Sure we are friendly at work but nothing further and little organic relaxed time.

Am I wrong? Is being over 35 lonely for everyone?? Please clarify PPD who have lots of friends.

I don't have a lot of friends, but the people that I've become friends with are kids' friends' parents (I know that doesn't always work out), and people from local exercise class and book club. I definitely wouldn't look to work to find friends, for the same reason you listed.

[Anonymous]

Nine. I take the long view. Some resurface as a -close- friend years later. But all are friends. Most monthly phone call or 3-4 times a year (yes, we actually talk, and for quite a long time). Three-four are local and I see them for an hour weekly. I try hard to keep all in my orbit, in some way. I think any of them would drop everything and fly across country if I needed them, and I would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be curious how many over 35 with close friends either work or SAH. I think SAH would be easier way to make Mom friends, and have the frequent, relaxed and organic get together where friendships can grow.

Maybe it’s grass is greener, but I have made no friends at work since no one lives nearby to us (everyone commutes 30 hrs plus) and we don’t have any after work hangouts. Sure we are friendly at work but nothing further and little organic relaxed time.

Am I wrong? Is being over 35 lonely for everyone?? Please clarify PPD who have lots of friends.

Nope. Being a SAHM is really lonely. Maybe it's different in areas with more SAHMs, but in DC where they are few and far between, it's pretty lonely. Especially after your child is 1 or 2 -- most other moms go back to work and it's hard to find moms with same age kids to spend time with.

Plus, past those first 12 months, getting together with other adults with kids is never relaxing or organic. The kids require a ton of work at that age. It doesn't calm down again until they are 5 or 6 and can entertain themselves without intervention a bit more. It's very hard to hang out and relax when you are constantly fielding snack requests, complaints about someone standing too close, questions about literally everything that is, has, or will ever happen, etc.

Sorry, I’m talking about over 35 SAHM which are generally SAH with school age kids. We live in Bethesda and we see TONS of them out and about (they tend to congregate after school pickup and then head to yoga classes and coffee). Basically, making close friendships requires sufficient leisure time and proximity to others also with time to build friendship.

Working may or may not offer some of that but hard to translate out of work. But SAH friendships are definition local.

[Anonymous]

4. Best friend I grew up with, best friend from college, best friend from grad school, and a close friend I met at work over 10 years ago. I have other friends but these are the ones I could call at 2am if there was an emergency, no questions asked.

[Anonymous]

4, maybe?

I'm in my mid 40s. I feel that I have a normal sized network of friends, colleagues, and neighbors that I have good bonds with and enjoy their company during normal times, but I would not describe most of them as close, as in being able to plan a girls trip or have frequent communications.

[Anonymous]

36 and I have 4, though they don't overlap for the most part. One childhood friend, two mom friends I made about 5 years ago, and one that I met through an online network after going through a traumatic life event, but who lives about 2 hours away and I now see regularly. Any of them I would call in an emergency and would plan a girl's trip with.

[Anonymous]

I'd say 8. I'm in my early 50's.
- One from HS who I text with about 1-2x/quarter.
- Two from college who I talk to via text a few times a week and then video chat every 2-3 weeks. They live in different states than I do, so we also have an annual visit that we haven't missed for over 30 years, including during Covid.
- Then I have five really close local friends. One I see weekly for coffee and text several times a day. Three I text a few times/week and see about 2-3x/month. And one I text throughout the day and see 2-3x/week.

[Anonymous]

Also early 50’s. 1 friend from hs, text/meme, 1 sibling talk every few days, 2 later in life friends met on same project lunch weekly/travel once a year. I enjoy my husband and my kids so that’s more than enough for me!

[Anonymous]

I'd say 5 who are my "core" closest friends (known for 25-40 years), a group of 4 from high school who I see a few times a year, an additional 5-6 neighborhood friends who I would consider close and then a dozen or so other neighborhood friends who I see often but aren't close. I'm still friends with several former co-workers but would only consider one a "close" friend. I also have three cousins who I'm very close with.

I'm also from here and went to school here so its easier to maintain friendships when they are all close-by.

[Anonymous]

1 really close friend. We met through our sons and are lucky because we now get to see each other every week while the boys are in a 2 hour class. We also see each other a 2nd time each week about every other week.
3 other good friends that I get to hang out with about 4 times a year. I thought they had tons of other friends (we moved to a small town 4 years ago and most people have lived here their whole life) but am finding out that they really don't have friends, just acquaintances.
A year before we moved I would have said I had 8 really great friends. Then our kids all went to different high schools and I quickly found out that these women were all fake and petty when they stopped including everyone that didn't go "private". It was painful but also liberating.